- Glow-in-the-Dark Condoms - $7.00
- World's Best Condom Sampler Tin - $39.99
- Cool Willy Kit - $7.95
- Schweddy Wipes - $19.95
- Chocolate Flavored Condoms - $6.37
Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third world countries are particularly considerations. You will award the ideas deemed most applicable and practical $100,000 in grant money for research and production.
Bacon condoms, Bill. Problem solved.
What man worldwide wouldn't want to wrap his prized meat in his favorite meat? And, suffice it to say, in countries where food is sparse or chowing on pigs is forbidden, no woman is going to turn down the opportunity to cozy up to a hunk of pork candy either. Add scent and flavor to the visual feast with J&D's Bacon Lube and The Gates Foundation will not only have a condom "that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use," it will find itself with a different kind of population problem: human extinction. No one's ever going to want to have the sex without the bacon. 10 years, I'd say. The amount of time we have before persuading humans to procreate is going to be more difficult than getting panda bears to hump.