Last time me and my friend Cornelius played paintball he kept getting nailed and hiding and whining like a little goat until finally everyone was like, Dude, you need to grow a pair! And he was all, Dude! It's not me, it's my F'ing gun!
Oh OK Cornelius, then I guess your gun needs to grow a pair. Here, have a TAC-SAC.
If you own a firearm, paintball marker, or airsoft gun, TAC-SAC would like to see your high speed and raise you some low hang. Give one as a gag gift, or get one as a for serious and challenge any duck on the pond to quack a word about the giant black scrotum sack dangling from your Remington.
TAC-SACs affix to any standard picatinny rail. They're made (proudly, to be sure) in the USA from glass-filled nylon.