Shut The Fucupcakes Wipes
- Crusty Clam Crevice Cleaners - Antibacterial Wet Wipes - $9.95
- Shart Wipes - $9.88
- I Pooped Today Wipes - $8.54
- Did I Just Shit My Pants Wipes - $8.54
- Cock Breath Mints - $4.89
What the fucupcakes did I just get all over my hands? Is this batter? Mud my wife's cousin's dog tracked into the kitchen? POO my wife's cousin's kid shat in the kitchen?!
"Sheeee-Raaaaa, what the fucupcakes -"
"Oh just take a wet wipe and shut the fucupcakes, you whiny little priss! You think I don't get unidentified shit on my hands all day long? And how do I deal with it? That's right, discreetly. I clean that shit off with grace and class. 'Cause I'm -"
"Yeah, I know, honey. 'Cause you're a #MiddleClassBadass."
Anyone else know a #MiddleClassBadass like my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power? Or need a gift for a woman who fancies herself one "who gracefully tackles the everyday duties of womanhood with style and sass?" Shut The Fucupcakes Wipes are a travel-size pack of antibacterial cleaner uppers made for anyone who regularly attacks life's messes like I would a plate of tater totchos. Anytime. Anywhere. Without a trace left behind.