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Kneading Shiatsu Back Massager

By: on April 06, 2017
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I've said it before, but inviting a mesh pillow shiatsu back massager (with heat!) into my home has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Definitely better than letting in that dude who claimed to be my half brother. I always wanted a brother....

I own this muscle-manhandling feat of engineering. The smaller version of the one I wish I had, and the one you see here: the Naipo 3D Kneading Shiatsu Back Massager.

Also with an optional heat function, the Naipo massager is long enough to knead up and down your entire back or, should you choose to let it wander elsewhere, your neck, shoulders, legs, and ass. Yeah, I have definitely sat on my shiatsu balls. They're amazingly hardy, and just keep dig, dig, digging under the pressure. To mix things up, the 12 nodes alternate moving in a clockwise and then a counterclockwise motion every minute. Once you fire them up a timer starts and the massager auto-shuts itself off after 15 minutes. In case you fall asleep or get sucked into a black hole of pleasure and lose your place in reality. Which you will.

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MYO Telekinetic Armband

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Electric Head Massager

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Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

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Designer Rainer Wenning calls his Waves MFS a "physio-tactical" palm stick, which might be the best bit of pretentious, made-up terminology I've ever heard. Because what "physio-tactical" basically means is that after...

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Muscle-Enhancing Shirt

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Money can squeeze the fat in, and now money can carve the muscle out. Which means there are exactly 0 reasons left for me to exercise. What? Avoiding heart disease and diabetes? Psshhh! Preventable, life-threatening afflictions...

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Fat Gripz Arm Builders

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TheraGun Muscle Massager

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The TheraGun muscle massager might be the non-human massager to end all massagers. In fact, I'd bet a crisp Abe Lincoln it could give most human proffesionals a run for their money too. Tension and pain relief, increased...

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Naked 3D Fitness Scanner

$499 from Naked »

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Axon Fitness Stick with Light Feedback

$199 - $249 from Axon »

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Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

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Sit & Decompress - The Ultimate Back Stretcher

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Sex swing for your health! Naw, it's not a sex swing. I mean not officially. What you use it for is entirely up to you though. What Sit & Decompress developed their dangling doorway harness for is your spine. They call...

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Armore Exoskeleton Arm Exerciser

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Armore's selling exoskeletons. Exoskeletons with a side of...tickets to the gun show! Their arm exercisers, wearables you can slip on before any activity, or under your clothes before you start your day, provide programmable...