Things That Make You Go Awww
While cute 'n' cuddly 'n' precious isn't normally my jam around here, over the years I have found some products that are more awww-inspiring than awe-inspiring. I figured, for your guilty pleasure of the evening, I'd put 'em all together and give you a little overdose of sweet, charming, and downright adorable.
Enjoy my compilation of things that make you go Awww.
World's Smallest Glo Worm
Relive your days of collecting caterpillars in bug houses and - admit it - fading into dreamland snuggling a full-size Glo Worm in the 80s - with this ultra-mini version of Hasbro's light-up plush toy. Hasbro calls it the World's Smallest Glo Worm, and while I'm usually skeptical when someone deems something they've made the World's Smallest / Biggest / Best / Sexiest, I believe it here because Hasbro is the Glo Worm's manufacturer and owns all the licensing rights to deciding how small the smallest Glow Worm in the world is going to be.
And how small is that? 3" x 0.5" x 0.5" of fully-functional little worm.
DASH Mini Toaster Oven
I think I have juuust enough room for a DASH Mini Toaster Oven on my desk at work. It's got a perfect 9" footprint on the outside so it's great for small spaces, and I'll bet it's bigger on the inside for cooking, like, 16" pizzas and whole turkeys and...no? Smaller on the inside? A piece of toast, a bagel, maybe a lone chocolate chip cookie? Huh.
Felt Hamburger-Shaped Macaron Coin Purse
Awwwww. Just awwwww. What a pwecious wittle burger. Handmade in Ireland from felt (not sheep's wool as I was hoping) with the tiniest of adorable details, including sesame seeds, sliced onion (bah! Sacrilege!), tomato, lettuce, cheese, and a burger patty with the zip running through its center.
Polar Bear Ice Tray
Not only is a polar bear ice cube tray adorable and perfect for soothing the injuries of children who hurt themselves doing something stupid that you told them not to, but the design itself is also highly utilitarian, solving two very irritating ice tray issues. 1) No sloshing or mass spillage transferring the liquid-filled mold from the sink to the freezer. 2) No more dropping and dumping cubes all over the green earth while attempting to dislodge them post-freeze.
Shark Puppy Bed
The smooshy shark or the poofy puppy: I don't know which is more adorable, and therefore most responsible for my urge to slap it in the face. Can any woman look at this dog without longing to hold it in her arms? Can any man look at this dog bed without contemplating how comfortable it would be as a 360-degree pillow for himself?
Pan DE Pop! Up! Panda Bread Cutter
One discerning observation the Japanese have made is that Americans don't eat enough pandas. And while bureaucratic export regulations and some malarkey about endangered species have prevented them from selling panda meat on Amazon, I think this precious Pan DE Pop! Up! bread cutter is a decent alternative.
Le Koroc Tiny House Boat
The Le Koroc tiny house boat is exactly how it sounds: a tiny house built on a boat. More specifically, it's a single-structure piece of construction, assembled with laminated white cedar beams and ultralight plywood, set atop three 50 / 52H32 marine grade aluminum / magnesium alloy tubes with 4' sealed chambers. When asked how it feels about this new, water-based arrangement, the house said, "I'm on a boat motherf**ker!"
Cuddle Clones - Realistic Stuffed Versions of Your Pet
Cuddle Clones transform any real pet you've got - dog, cat, rabbit, tarantula - into a cuddly, highly realistic plush toy that, unlike Fluffball, you can't squeeze to death.
The process takes several weeks, and all stuffed animals are handmade based on photos you upload of your pet, and unique characteristics about him or her you report with the submission. You can also choose how you want your Cuddle Clone positioned.
Giant Talking Chewbacca
Life-sized is still a few feet away, but this giant Chewbacca plush toy measures in at a formidable 24" tall x 15" wide. Which is probably bigger than the kid you're going to pretend you're buying him for. And when you press on his stomach, he growls. With Chewbacca by your side, your days of flying solo are about to turn into days of flying Han Solo. Yo, Chewie! Fire up the Millennium Falcon!
Sloth Tea Infuser
Uh oh. Mr. Sloth dozed off with his ass hanging in a cup of boiling water. And, mmmm, in contrast to skunk ass, sloth ass smells amazing. Like peachberry jasmine sutra. Or is that tranquil strawberry dream?
Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows
If the sight of a Shiba Inu makes you just want to squishitsface, well, how about sparing the dog's dignity and ability to breathe, and taking out your cuteness aggression on a set of Shiba Inu Dog Marshmallows? Come on, you have to admit, they're just as adorable as the real thing.
And the marshmallow versions are filled with chocolate and sweet azuki bean flavors!
Zanco tiny t1 - World's Smallest Mobile Phone
The tiny t1 is a mobile phone smaller than just one of the thumbs I'm holding up right now to show my approval of it. Creator Zanco has crowned it the World's Smallest Mobile Phone and, unlike the World's Smallest Violin, I think the tiny t1's title is legit. Especially since this itty bitty telecommunicator is fully functional for talking and texting.
Tassen Moody Cereal & Ice Cream Bowls
Emoji-bowls might be the best way to describe Tassen's expressive line of cereal and ice cream bowls. The dishes, sold separately here, come in a few different sizes and several emotive characters sure to make you smile as you eat your morning Lucky Charms or after-dinner Mocha Chip.
The Tassen bowls could also make you laugh hysterically or freak the F out if you use them as a munchie vessel after a few rounds of Volcano.
Godzilla and his hot, humidifying breath are coming for you! You and your flu season and your flaky skin and your dried-out sinus passageways! Arid climates can run and winter chills can hide, but none shall escape the Godzilla Humidifier!
Otamatone Japanese Portable Synthesizer
Part musical instrument and part toy, Otamatones claim to be easy for all ages to pick up and play, though I'm sure a good bit of practice is necessary before you can get Oto-Ninja or Oto-Kabuki to pitch out the greatest hits of the 80s. Otamatones come in a ton of different characters, as well as less amusing plain colors, and sound almost as endearing as they look. A little like less annoying bagpipes.
Pepperem Llama - World's Cutest Pepper Spray
For those who haven't made the connection, remember, llamas spit to protect themselves. So the decision to turn this camelid's form into a pepper spray canister isn't just a swell idea because Pepperem knew it would go viral with the ladies and the dudes who need gifts for girlfriends, it actually has a biological basis. And if this little white llama didn't ring your adorability bell hard enough already, check it: when you want to make him spit, press the red tab on the back of the llama and he'll open wide before hocking his blinding loogie.