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The Best Shark Themed Gifts

Posted: July 25, 2018
The Best Shark Themed Gifts

Two events inspired this collection of the best shark themed gifts. The obvious: we're in the middle of Shark Week 2018.

The less expected: I got a haircut a few days ago and my stylist asked me if I've ever watched Jaws after enjoying some herbal refreshments. Why, no Julie, no I have not. Isn't watching scenes of a giant killer shark stalking and eating people alive scary enough without adding an altered, possibly paranoid, state of mind to the mix?

Nevermind the blood and horror, Julie said. The point is that the cinematography in Jaws is exceptional. And some of the film's shots, and especially its ocean and sky colors, will blow your mind and awaken your soul if you take them in after smoking up. Interesting. I've added "Watch Jaws" to my long list of Things to Do When I'm High.

In the meantime, here's something for you to do wherever you are, and in whatever state you're in: check out my picks for the best shark themed gifts.

And also enjoy Seabob, an animatronic shark costume visual effects designers VFXLAB took for a test swim in the San Bernardino Doubletree Hotel pool a couple summers ago.

Note: Shark gift prices are approximate, and listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject to change.

Party Shark Costume

Party Shark Costume

Even though it's been 3 years since Left Shark, uh, I mean Katy Perry, headlined the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the Party Shark Costume will probably continue to make the Halloween and costume party rounds for at least another decade or so. And maybe even after that, once everyone forgets what it originally referred to, because transforming into a squishy upright Jaws never loses its appeal.

$50 ➠ Amazon

Shark Swimming Fin

Shark Swimming Fin

Keep your little predator afloat with a foam fin that fits like a backpack. The shark swimming helper has adjustable straps that can fit up to a men's chest size 40! Note: Not to be relied on as a personal floatation device. Or a shark deterrent.

$30 ➠ Amazon

Chocolate Megalodon Shark Teeth

Chocolate Megalodon Shark Teeth
Chocolate Megalodon Shark Teeth

Why eat a chocolate bunny for Easter next year when you can eat...all the chocolate bunnies on earth with a massive chocolate megalodon shark tooth? Muahahaha! These edible and...wait for it...toothsome replicas are molded from the real chompers of the most fearful beast ever to haunt our oceans (yes, even scarier than you, Nessie). At up to 60' in length, the gargantuan sharks shed teeth reaching over 7" long. The fossils choco-paleontologists Fossilera used to shape their tasty teeth are around 4.8" long, and solidified with over 4 ounces of chocolate.

$15 ➠ Fossilera

Standing Mixer Shark Plane Decals

Standing Mixer Shark Plane Decals

I know you've been looking everywhere for it and now I've found it for you: a way to pimp your KitchenAid. A kit that will make creating cookie dough and kneading bread in your standing mixer look manly and badass. This 30-strong set of decals will transform even the girliest of powder pink and magenta KitchenAids into lean, mean Flying Tiger machines.

The shark decals are inspired by circa 1942 Navy Shark planes popularized by the Flying Tigers, American volunteers who flew for the Chinese Air Force during WWII. Kits include exhaust, bullet holes, squadron stripes, pilot ID #154, and recognition for downing 3 x Zero Japanese Navy planes. Left and right pieces are mirror images, printed on 5 mil thick vinyl with a 5-year outdoor color durability ink process.

$18 ➠ Amazon

Shark Float Cooler & Beverage Bar

Shark Float Cooler & Beverage Bar

Someone must have dumped a couple pina coladas nestled in this shark beverage bar's cup holders down his throat, because all this Jaws is wants to use his gnashing teeth for is to bite down on a big, dopey grin.

From, appropriately, BigMouth, Inc. the Super Chill floating shark cooler and bar is an inflatable raft with cup holders for 7 drinks, and a center ice chest, built in under Great White Smiley's fin. The beverage bar extends over 6-1/2" long from tail fin to lower incisors.

$13 ➠ Amazon

Shark Sushi Plate

Shark Sushi Plate
Shark Sushi Plate

Dunk a piece of your Caterpillar Roll in this sushi plate's wasabi & soy sauce reservoir and you might not get it back. Might be the last you see of your chopsticks...and your fingers...too.

$35 ➠ Amazon

Sharkbanz Shark Deterrent Bracelet

Sharkbanz Shark Deterrent

If you're a surfer, swimmer, snorkeler, or kayaker planning to hit the ocean, wearing a Sharkbanz could save the skin on your hide for no skin off your teeth.

Sharkbanz use magnetic technology in their efforts to deter sharks from attacking humans. Since sharks are more likely to use their ultra-sensitive electro-receptors than their eyes to sense their surroundings, the magnetic waves emanating from Sharkbanz help disrupt these receptors, and tell the shark there is nothing of interest for it around - or inside - you.

$75 ➠ Amazon

4D Vision Great White Shark Anatomy Model

4D Vision Great White Shark Anatomy Model

Not so scary when you're splayed across my coffee table in 20 detachable organs and body parts, are you Jaws? Ow! F- OK, fine. Teeth still sharp in 13" long 4D model. Shark still mildly intimidating.

$26 ➠ Amazon

Shark Attack Glass

Shark Attack Glass

Just when you thought you could enjoy a glass of beer without having your face bitten off by a shark. First the aggressive sea dwellers infiltrated our coffee mugs, and now it's our cold beverage containers. I hear they're even more surly and belligerent when drunk, so be especially careful when dousing them in Belgian Quads or, worse, Brewmeister's 67.5% ABV Snake Venom.

$8 ➠ Amazon

Shark Pet Bed

Shark Pet Bed
Shark Pet Bed

The smooshy shark or the poofy puppy: I don't know which is more adorable. Can any woman look at this dog without longing to hold it in her arms? Can any man look at this dog bed without contemplating how comfortable it would be as a 360-degree pillow for himself?

$23 ➠ Amazon

Shark Corn Holders

Shark Corn Holders

Take a bite out of summer's bounty with this set of Shark Corn Holders. They've been holding up my corn for me real nice, which is why I was able to toss out that "Take a bite out of summer's bounty" line without a flinch.

The Shark Corn Holders support the cob kind of corn pretty well too. Head and fin pairs skewer the two ends of your cob - or you could go Sharknado mutants and use 2 head or 2 tail ends together - to provide grips as secure as they are deadly.

$14 ➠ Amazon

The Shark Emojibator

The Shark Emojibator

Turn Shark Week into Shark Every Night of the Year with Emojibator's The Shark. A gift for your girlfriend right up there (er, no pun intended) with the original Eggplant Emojibator, but with a little something for the givers who themselves dig shark themed gifts.

$89 ➠ Amazon

The Great Grey Shark Chair

The Great Grey Shark Chair

The Great Grey Shark Chair, now that's what I'd call a fantastic beast. As for where to find them, well, it's going to be much easier than tracking down a niffler or a bowtruckle. Just head over to the Reroom UK shop on Etsy, and find the Great Grey Shark there ready to take a bite out of your kid's room...or grown ass man's room...decor.

Warning: The Great Grey Shark Chair will also take a good-sized bite out of your wallet.

$743.04 ➠ Etsy
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