Sexy Gifts for that Special Someone (NSFW)

Actually it's more like a Roll in the Canvas Paint Kit. Love Is Art creator Jeremy Brown "has been making paintings during intimacy for over a decade," and now offers you and your favorite companion(s?) a kit with all the tools you'll need to express and preserve your love (brief period of mighty fine lust?) in the same way.

Forget dexterity with a brush or Sex Paint by Numbers. Love Is Art pieces are abstract statements of love. The sets include a large plastic sheet couples lay out on a flat surface, and top with a specially treated non-allergenic white cotton canvas. A 4-ounce bottle of black, non-toxic, washable paint dotted or streaked on the canvas, and then spread about in the most delightful of ways creates your finished metaphysical masterpiece. No skills...uh...no painting skills required.

I don't think it's by chance that all of Not Vanilla Club's adult product subscription plans cost some amount of dollars and 69 cents. A ssssssexy price for a ssssssexy service.

A new candidate for my list of the Best Monthly Subscription Boxes for Guys, Not Vanilla Club brings adult toys and other sex-centric items to the trend of mailed mystery swag. Membership options are available for monthly, Bi-(curious?)-monthly, and one-(jack?)-off deliveries, and new members will fill out a questionnaire of preferences at the time of order to help Not Vanilla Club determine how tame or kinky they want them to go with their hand-picked helpers.

And oh boy does Amazon have a ton of them!

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible is published by the creators of the Liberator Wedge, a line of pillowy ramps, blocks, ovals, and semicircles that establish and maintain various body positions and angles, with the goal of intensifying pleasure during coitus.

But while the book uses the Wedge in its photographic journey through Sex Positions, written descriptions also provide directions for achieving the same effects with pillows and cushions, so even if you're not a Liberator owner, you can still learn the "secrets of angles and inclinations for the deepest, most orgasmic sex ever."

You want to get her something nice and sexy, but you're not quite at the crotchless panties and nipple clamps stage of your relationship yet. Or, uh, maybe she's just not that kind of girl.

These silky Charmeuse bathrobes are a nice compromise - purdy, sensual, and revealing enough to give you the pants feels without crossing into the territory of tasteless and crass.

According to every woman's favorite book, The Five Love Languages, physical touch is the predominant type of love males enjoy receiving, while quality time earns high marks with the ladies. Fundies, a chic pair of tandem tighty whiteys, make it simple for couples to give one another what they need. Just slip them on for both perpetual skin-to-skin contact, and instant elimination of alone time. Everyone's happy, and no one has to "talk about it" or "compromise." Fundies are recommended by 4 out of 5 therapists, and 5 out of 5 fans of the missionary position.

I did not name these panties "Sissy Pouch Panties." Those exact words, in that exact order, are in their listing! They're in all the Amazon listings for lacy manties with a crotchal popout. I believe "sissy pouch" is an official term in the male lingerie industry.

Just empty your online cart of all that lingerie and scented lube, horny Hubs. You know all she wants is some aspirin and a back rub. OK, maybe put the lube back in for the back rub.