Dude's Must See Products for April 2020
March came in like a lion and went out like a stay at home order, and April showers brought May...I please leave my house now? Dude's must see products for April 2020 weren't consumed by Covid-19, but a few were concerned with it and, more importantly, many of your favorite posts covered items that make staying at home a little easier, a little more interesting, or a little more comfortable.
Here are Dude's must see products for April 2020.
Screwpop Hit Kit
The Screwpop Hit Kit is designed to hold a standard BIC lighter, which you can still access and light when it's Screwpopped in place, plus 4 stash compartments, spread over a bowl, an upper cache, and 2 internal caches. The 2-piece tool magnetically assembles with alignment pins for easy cleaning, and comes with screens.
Oh, and yes, we're talking about weed here.
11 Real Products That Should Be April Fool's Jokes
There's a Boaty McBoatface load more than 11 real products that should be April Fool's jokes out there, but these are some of the best kooky creations and mind-boggling monstrosities I've seen over the years. And since we didn't technically "doing" April Fool's Day in 2020 out of respect for the coronavirus pandemic and the health of all of those quarantined, I made this compilation as a Happy April Fool's Day Lite. The Michelob Ultra of 4/1 pranks and jokes that's so watered down it isn't going to get you trashed, but might at least leave you with a pleasant buzz of amusement.
E41: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's a real suck-up; 2) It loves the water; 3) It's especially partial to canals.
Corgi Butt Leggings
Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding an adorable Corgi butt to the mix, seeing it wag as she walks, that's only going to make things worse.
And by worse, I mean better.
Extendable Chinese Tai Chi Sword
The usual rule might be no sword fighting in the house, but these are not your usual times, and this extendable Chinese tai chi sword is not your usual weapon. Telescoping with the flick of a wrist from an 8.5" hilt to a 35.5" fully extended stainless steel sword, the tai chi training tool has a blunt edge, and is made for practitioners of the martial art - especially beginners - to develop their skills without adding a patient to the world's overwhelmed ERs.
Penis Weight Set
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real hard to work out your bacon bazooka like they do in the slammer.
Officially called the Glans Exerciser Device, the penis weight set is made to work with your natural C&B body mechanics to train and improve Mr. Johnson "through the weight of gravity stretch." As the images indicate, you can advance your training by increasing the weight of the ball inserted into the dongbell from 22g to 34g to 49g to 62g. At each progression you'll also need to master various exercises, including the The Newton's Cradle and The Helicopter.
14 Genius Products I Wish I'd Invented
Some of these 14 genius products I wish I'd invented fall into the category of Dude! Why didn't I think of that? while others, I'll humbly admit, go a little beyond my thinking cap capabilities. And we all have at least one idea we know we thought of first when we see someone else package and bring it to market, right? Well. One of the inventions in my genius product list is also my That was my idea! You bastard!
Are any of them yours?
Disposable Skin Stapler & Staple Remover
That's a nasty gash, but...you sure you want to go to the ER? Even with them all stretched to capacity, and me all standing here with a Disposable Skin Stapler set? And, I mean, you spent the last month mastering the self-haircut, so why not spend the next one practicing your self-suturing skills?
Ka-Bar Wrench Knife
Ka-Bar's Wrench Knife is a wrench in name only, though a knife also in practice. Its drop point fixed blade is 3.0" long, and the knife's total 7.125" length is made from a single piece of 425 high-carbon stainless steel.
The "wrench" handle is really just a circular cutout that mimics the look of the bolt-twisting tool, likely because fitting a knife with an actual wrench handle would result in many, many Darwin Awards and lawsuits.
11 of the Most Expensive Things for Sale on Amazon
I tried to curate my collection of 11 of the most expensive things for sale on Amazon not just according to their cost, but also their substance, how well they present, whether or not I looked at their price, read their description, and still wondered, What is this thing? So I guess a better way to put it would be 11 of the most expensive items on Amazon that are actually of interest.
HAVEN Connect Floor-Mounted Smart Door Lock
A deadbolt alternative for your doors, the HAVEN Connect smart lock mounts to the floor just inside the threshold to provide a doorstop-style fortification at the door's strongest point - its base. According to HAVEN their design for home security from the bottom up is 10 times stronger than a deadbolt and, with Bluetooth connectivity and an electronic locking wedge interface, at least 10 times smarter.
The Dad Mask
The Dad Mask is laced up and ready to shield against viruses, filter out allergens and dust particles, thwart lawnmower fumes, stave off grill smoke, absorb all grass stains, and enshroud the mug of the man, the myth, the legend in at least, like, 3 pounds of authentic New Balance synthetic uppers.
Yet another Unnecessary Invention from Crapper Concealer conceiver, Matt Benedetto, The Dad Mask arrives just in time for spring yard work and summer BBQs. Why settle for N95 when you can have NB623v3?
UNICAT MD56c Expedition Vehicle
The UNICAT MD56c Expedition Vehicle: For Those Who Just Want to Disappear...Yet Still Make Everyone Jealous with Their Instagram Posts. Sure, UNICAT's motorhome mod of a MAN TGS 6x6 chassis is ultra-utilitarian for anyone seeking to slip off the grid, but...well, maybe "slip" is the wrong word. More like "barrel." This off-roader in a monster, not just in appearance and physical size - 220.4" long x 97.6" wide x 82.8" tall - but also in capacity. It has a 264-gallon fuel tank, and can roll 2,050 miles per fill.
PepperBall VKS Launcher
POW! you're...not dead. But down. Courtesy of the PepperBall VKS Launcher, a non-lethal gun created for self defense, and law enforcement and military training.
The PepperBall Variable Kinetic System Launcher shoots a few different types of .68-caliber projectiles, with an adjustable kinetic impact of between 10 and 28 joules. PepperBall's VXR projectiles also have an accurate firing distance of up to 150'. PepperBall brand creator, United Tactical Systems, says the "VKS Launcher is PepperBall's strongest non-lethal weapon available in the market to date."
Wrench Pocket Knife Multi-Tool
While no one likes having a wrench thrown in their plans, it does seem you dudes enjoy have a wrench to accompany them. I bring you this titanium wrench pocket knife multi-tool hot on the nuts and bolts of the Ka-Bar Wrench Knife (see above) because it received a grand reception despite not even being a functional wrench. This folding hybrid is equal parts pocket knife and spanner.
The 14mm wrench is paired with a 17mm socket on the other end, the two forming the multi-tool's closed shape and 5" length. With the 440 stainless steel blade out - double studs allow for ambidextrous opening - total length is 7.5".