Accessories

Why do I have to take a friendship test? Cornelius is my bro, he knows I'd do anything for him. Come over and jump his car at 6 a.m. Wingman him at an interpretive dance performance and reception the barista he's horndoggin'...

The Weatherman Umbrella knows not everyone can be Mary Poppins on a rainy day, but when the wind picks up anyone with a crappy umbrella can be...the dude who gets drenched and disheveled because his umbrella blows inside...

Instant pimp, at your service. And, sure, the Pocket Cane is also a convenient and less cumbersome way for the injured and elderly to keep a walking stick close at hand...

I guess these I Wash My Hands of The Virus buttons are the equivalents of I Voted buttons for people who practice responsible COVID-19 prevention practices. Or maybe they'll appeal to the growing frustration with the...

Call me 4-eyes again and I'll suck you into the hell portals that are the outer 2 of them! Nah, I'm just kiddin'. I'm too high to do that right now. Let's just dance like maniacs to the strobing LEDs and pass out once...

Thanks for shopping at CVS! Here's your 6'-long receipt for the pack of condoms you bought for you 6"-long penis. Yep, our receipts are long and strong, here to make you feel inadequate and environmentally unfriendly...

I don't know why my first instinct...and second and third...is to make fun of the Nubrella. A wearable hands-free umbrella that mounts to your back, shielding you from rain and shading you from sun, no gripping, positioning...

These Beer Mug Socks are actually more like Beer Mug Leg Warmers, but yarn maestro Vicky Djokic probably figured referring to her most excellent hand-knit frothy pints o' brew as "leg warmer" would deter men from clicking...

Westwell isn't the first handycompany to sneak tools into the buckles of their fashion belts, but they are the first I've seen to make the tools modular and swappable, as well as with an option to keep them completely...

They come from the 4EST, but these wood sunglasses have no problem heading to the ocean, lake, or river too. Made from real maple, the wayfarers are lightweight and low-density, so if you drop them in the water, they'll...

Coins. What a pain in my ass. Piles of them overflow various dishes and trays around my condo, smirking at me from behind their hugely disproportionate ratio of weight and manageability to value. Even the quarter suck...

Got a fat head on the wrong end? Faded Days isn't the only brand that makes polarized XXL sunglasses for people with big heads, but they do seem particularly committed to the process. First they ran a wide-head-sunglasses...

If you've got that sunshine in your pocket, better keep a pair of Foldies folding sunglasses in your other one. The unisex wayfarers have a hinge at their bridge and on each arm to break them down into a compact puck...

I'm not sure I'd want to put anything in these Master Carver Meerschaum Pipes and smoke it - they're just so intricate and byoo-tee-ful. And expensive. What if tobacco, or the stanky green stuff, ruined it?...

The Nite Ize RunOff Waterproof Wallet helps you hike, paddle, sail, and hoof it 2 miles back to your hotel in the pouring rain assured that your valuables are safe and dry inside its impermeable TPU walls and IPX7-rated...

I like the Sawyer Utility Bracelet. I like it for its leather-and-steel aesthetic, and I like it for its proposed method of carrying around a utility knife, which is one that takes up zero room, and creates zero bulge...

George Washington, Franklin Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson, and Abe Lincoln team up to deliver the ultimate bitch slap, packing a whack! from inside your self-defense coin bag. And after they're done, you'll be all ready...

Cheap EDC, meet everyday works of art. At least in the minds of the carriers willing to pay for these Bolt Carabiners from EDC Apparatus. Designer Josep Julian makes the sexy links in his shop in Alas i Cerc, Spain, using...

Bose Frames don't go for bone conduction to give you sound in your sunglasses like Zungle's V2 Viper headphone sunglasses. They bring audio to eye protection in a more Bose-y way: through itty-bitty high-end speakers...

OK, this keychain has more like mini handcuffs than true thumbcuffs dangling from it. But as handcuffs they'll only lock over, say, the 2 front legs of a Shih Tzu on the run from ripping off the canine CBD store. And...

Speidel has one thing right: I'd much rather use a binder clip to press together a fat wad of cash than a fat wad of papers. Especially if the papers contain documents I must sign and return to my attorney or the IRS...

Do you hear the rumble in the Zungle? It's the V2 Viper sunglasses' built-in Vibra bone conduction speakers, sending sound from the arms hooked over your ears, through your face bones, and into to your drums o' hearing...

They live. IRL Glasses are real-life sunglasses that block ads - that block all screen visuals - in real time. No joke, they're real news created to black out fake news. And screens blasting aggressive backlit pushes...