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Dune Futuristic Rings

$62.40 - $94.40 Etsy »

There are some cooooool cats over at Substance Jewelry making these Dune Futuristic Rings - and really all the rings available in the designers' Etsy shop. Each of the Dune Ring listings kicks off with a quote from Frank...

Good After Nine Animal Rings

$54 - $163.50 Etsy »

Didn't get that hippopotamus for Christmas? How about a Happy Hippo Ring instead? Those denied cats, dogs, snakes, cockatoos, koalas, and frog princes, Good After Nine has its finger on the pulse of your disappointment...

balldo - Ball-Dildo to Double Your Penis Count (NSFW)

"Make 2021 the year of ballsex!" Well, balldo, it's not the worst idea anyone's ever had. Plus, given all the horrible things 2020 was the year of, and the lackluster way 2021 has kicked off, a brand new ball-dildo that...

Needs Head T-Shirt

$19.99 - $22.39 Etsy »

The Needs Head T-Shirt is a...gag gift! I feel like I should just stop there. What more needs to be said about this delightful piece of innuendo apparel and its endless accompanying jokes and puns? Get one as a gift for...

Byte At-Home Teeth Straightening System

$1,895 - $2,295 Byte »

Take a Byte out of your crooked bite, and high dentist's fees, and long sits in the dentist's chair*, with the Byte at-home teeth straightening system. From teeth impressions to invisible aligners to a funky vibrating...

Nike GO FlyEase Hands-Free Slip-On Shoe

Meet Nike No-Hands! Nike's GO FlyEase slip-ons reflect the company's first attempt to design shoes that keep your hands entirely out of the foot equation. Sliding the laceless kicks on - and off - is a 100% hands-free...

Flippin' Mittens

If you can't score a pair of Bernie Mittens, might I suggest Flippin' Mittens as a close second in eye-catching and meme-worthy mitten designs? Running as a limited edition from Matt Benedetto's Unnecessary Inventions...

Small Business Shoutout: TOA Waters Brawny Bubble Baths

$32.99 TOA Waters »

Do you like bubble baths? Are you a rugged individual? If you said yes, well then, have you tried TOA Waters bubble baths for the rugged individual? And if you said no, well then, have you tried TOA Waters bubble baths...

Watchy Open Source E-Paper Watch

$44.99 - $49.99 Tindie »

The argument for wearing a Watchy wristwatch is paper thin. E-Paper thin. Like its Pebble predecessors, Watchy is an ultra-slim, lightweight timepiece with a simple 200 x 200 monochrome E-Paper display that "delivers...

Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafer

$49.95 - $138.06 Amazon »

Hey. Dude. Never before has there existed a more Dudeworthy shoe than the Hey Dude Wally Stretch Loafer. Piece by piece, I am going to break down this footwear, and tell you why...

Baby Yoda Pack

$79 Kapacks »

No hover pod to transport your Baby Yoda in? Then mule up and schlep little Grogu on your back with the Baby Yoda Pack from Kapacks. The hardshell backpack's generous interior even has room for a few frogs and a shiny...

Lumen Couture LED Face Changing Mask

$90 Etsy »

Lumen Couture's LED Face Changing Mask isn't intended to be a funkified piece of pandemic PPE, though if you're ready to go all in on facial coverings, I guess it would serve you as well as your double-ply cloth options...

BoSidin Permanent Hair Removal Device

$339.99 Amazon »

The BoSidin permanent hair removal device says, "Don't forget about your medical-grade at-home options for unruly body hair!" 2020 saw many of us either attempting to administer self-haircuts, or saying F it and letting...

Headache & Migraine Relief Cap

$32.99 Amazon »

Headache? Migraine? Just want to bury your head in the freezer or a bucket of ice? How about a striking purple hat filled with cooling, soothing, pain-easing Magic Gel instead?...

Sword House Key

$6.49 Amazon »

It's about time I had a Sword House Key, given the number of sword fights with locks I've had in my life. In fact, just two weeks ago I was testing out the lock and key on my new nightstand - yep the top drawer came with...

ENHANCE Board Game Backpack

$119.99 Amazon »

If you still need a bitchin' gift for the kids from Stranger Things, here you go, the Board Game Tower Backpack from ENHANCE. They'll probably make Will carry it, and the little oddball will certainly succumb to its 23"...

Vollebak 100 Year Sweatpants

$495 Vollebak »

100 years. Yep. That's about how long I feel like I've been wearing nothing but sweatpants. And not only does Vollebak feel the need to remind me of that, they also feel the need to create the 100 Year Sweatpants, a single...

Heat Holders Slipper Socks

$17.99 - $22.99 Amazon »

Heat Holders are hands down...feet down...the warmest socks I've ever worn. Sometimes they're even too warm and I break out in the feet sweats. I wish they had a photo of what the inside looks like because from the outside...

Popeyes Beignet Camo Hoodie

$35 Popeyes »

Watch out Desert, Digital, and Woodland, Popeyes is bringing Beignet Camo to the world of military fatigues. OK, maybe more like the world of fashion fatigues. OK, fine. The world of slouchy slacker hoodies. The Popeyes...

Dr. Squatch Pine Tar Soap

$9.95 Amazon »

While Dr. Squatch Pine Tar Soap would make a really nice addition to any man's grooming supplies, it is also a good gift for a man you don't like much, such as, oh, I don't know, say, your father-in-law, because: 1) it...

Full Face Trapper Hat with Goggles

Sold Out Amazon »

Goofy? Yes. Overkill? Maybe. But let's also review all the ways in which this full face trapper hat - with goggles! - is exactly the piece of headwear you need right now. Or at least need to get as a gift for your girlfriend...

Butts on Things Stickers, Pins & Artwork

$4.50 - $20 Etsy »

What's up, Taco Butt? Hey there, TARDASSSS! Yo, yo, I see you've got S'more junk in the trunk. No insult and no judgement with my comments, just a sheer appreciation for your Butts on Things sticker, pin, and artwork...

Charmeuse Kimono Robe

$110 Amazon »

I love everything about these watercolor-effect charmeuse Kimono Robes as a wrapped up purdy gift for my wife, except the word charmeuse. Shar-moose, is that how you say it? That is ugly, and my mouth does not like the...

Santa Beard Face Mask

Sold Out Amazon »

Ho, ho, ho...hack, hack, hack! Spread holiday cheer without spreading COVID with this Santa Beard Face Mask. This season actually has me warming to face masks because, well, the face masks are warming my face, and it's...