Giant Cardboard Robot Arms Kit

Discontinued

When I transform into a paper-product-based Optimus Prime, I like to take on a more active role in the process than lifting my giant cardboard robot arms out of a giant cardboard box. So thanks be to Chuck Norris that...

Final Fantasy Buster Sword Necklace

Discontinued

Cloud Strife needs some help wielding his massive Buster Sword and Zack seems to be busy at the moment. Want to wear it around your neck? Chainmail mastro Michelle has hand woven a 23" gunmetal chain to support its hefty...

Parallelepipedus Kovrikus Doormat

The Greeks--or whatever foreign-tongued group of cats who created this optical illusion doormat--sure don't cut any corners when it comes to making up a fancy way to say "box". But the Parallelepipedus Kovrikus makes...

Handbook for the Recently Deceased

$29.95 Etsy »

This Handbook for the Recently Deceased contains 220 blank pages. I don't know if that's better or worse than Adam and Barbara Maitland's gibberish-filled version. Perhaps better, as at least buyers can fill this one...

Pinokio Robotic Desk Lamp

I'm not really sure what the point of Pinokio the robotic desk lamp is. Like, I'm not even sure he lights up or provides any practical desktop service at all. But look how cute. He's like a cautiously inquisitive little...

Six Shooter Shave Brushes

You've had clean shaves, close shaves, and probably much-needed shaves, but have you ever had a .44 caliber shave? Six Shooter Shave Brushes, from badger bristles to authentic shell casing handles, will deliver a face...

Fletcher Capstan - World's Coolest Expandable Table

World's. Coolest. Not an understatement. Take 10 seconds to watch the Fletcher Capstan expandable table video, and the rest of the day off work to recover from your blown mind. Or maybe you'll disagree that the mesmerizing...

Carbon Fiber Daggers

$78 - $99 Carbon Fiber Gear »

The Escort series of carbon fiber daggers is not meant for cutting. It's meant for stabbing. That statement did not even stem from my powers of deduction, but directly from the manufacturer's literature. Aerospace grade...

Squatty Potty - Posturally Correct Pooping

$24.99 Amazon »

"Squatting to eliminate is healthier." Golly I love the Squatty Potty's euphemistic appeal to my sense of self-preservation. Sitting on my porcelain sidekick with my feet resting on a 9" stool, torso pitched forward approximately...

Foosball Coffee Table

Sold Out Amazon »

I prefer to use my coffee table to play old school Nintendo, but I understand there are some out there even older school than I am who are more down with using theirs to play foosball. By the way, to those under the age...

Almond+ Touchscreen WiFi Router

$99 Securifi »

Almond+ precursor Almond (no mathematical symbol) currently holds the number one wireless router position on Amazon in terms of sales, customer reviews, and total gigabytes rushed in a single season of fantasy football...

The Many Incarnations of Bill Murray Print

$16 - $33 Society 6 »

It's Groundhog Day! According to Christopher Guerrero and his clan of cronies hoping to lure Bill Murray into the lead role of their USC School of Cinematic Arts thesis film, February 2, 2013 is also now Bill Murray Appreciation...

Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation

Sold Out Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Space Invaders Chess Set

Discontinued

Following its 1978 release in Japan, Space Invaders prompted a shortage of 100-yen coins. I learned that at a pub trivia night. Pub trivia is maybe the only thing in the world I suck at as much as team sports and lighting...

Swig & Puff Flask

Discontinued

A swig here, a puff there, a puff here, a Chug! Chug! Chug! there. And none of those big globe or skull ice cubes to get in your way of downing the whiskey when it's flowing freely from this 2-in-1 flask and cigar holder...

Pebble E-Paper Smartphone Watch

$79.99 - $95 Amazon »

One of the most successful Kickstarter campaigns of all time, the Pebble E-Paper watch for iPhones and Androids have stormed through large-scale production and sale. The self-proclaimed "infinitely customizable" timepiece...

Carbon Fiber Bathtub

If they were going put the effort into creating a bathtub out of airplane and race car materials, couldn't they have made it look like an airplane or race car? Not that I wouldn't still clamor to spend some QT in Corcel's...

Ultrasonic Travel Humidifier

Sold Out Amazon »

Cool kids don't pack heat, they pack humidity. With the aid of any standard screw-top water bottle, the Air-O-Swiss Travel Ultrasonic humidifier will pump your hotel suite or Aunt Jan's spare bedroom full of revitalizing...

Avocado Cuber

$16.95 Williams Sonoma »

Can I get one of those avocados along with the cuber? The ones I pick out always have a grisly tinge and surprise-mid-bite mushy brown spots. Or they're not ripe at all and taste like a bar of soap. Yeah, Mom, I know...

Custom Coordinates Bracelet

$18 Etsy »

Where did you grow up? Where's the greatest place you've ever been? Where did you bury your AC Slater acid washed pleated jeans for safe keeping? Where was your first kiss with Elle MacPherson...'s photo on the cover...

Presidential Monster Action Figures

$24.99 - $37.99 Amazon »

Just one question: how did Romney as the Ronmy make it into this set of Presidential Monster Action Figures? Some wishful thinker jump the gun on production? Because if we're throwing in any old yayhoo just for running...

His & Hers Star Wars Rings

$650 Etsy »

I like the idea of the Force being with me, but I also like the idea of stuff. With one of these Star Wars rings I will still be able to envision and harness the power of an intangible Force, but, more importantly, I'll...

Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

Discontinued

When speaking of our health, of preventing the ingestion of fecal matter thrust into the air during the toilet flushing process, is there really a need to mince words? Beat around the bush? Employ euphemisms? Woodpecker...

Sports Team Nesting Dolls

$59.90 Etsy »

Oh look, people who understand sports, a 5-piece matryoshka doll set handmade in Russia to the professional or collegiate team specifications of any rabid fan. The featured 49ers set depicts actual players. For example...