I once crushed a live chameleon that lived in my office underneath a door when I opened it. This is very similar to the way it looked after. I had to have my partner throw it in the dumpster after that...

For what you're getting here, the price cannot be beat. These are solid, easily adjustable and very easy to use. Ranging from 5 to 50 pounds each, look no further for your entire home gym needs than this set of dumbbells...

These are really cool and come in all sorts of flavors. They taste great and if you're not too drunk by the end of your shower, you stand a 50/50 shot at getting clean too... although you'll still smell like last night...

I've seen people standing on these paddling half way across the damn ocean, flirting with whales and Loche Ness monsters and shit. They're hand crafted, measure 11 feet 3 inches, feature simple, timeless designs, and...

This ammunition inspired chess set is made using spent .223 bullet shell casings. One side uses steel casings and the other side uses brass casings. The kings and queens are the only 4 pieces with an actual bullet re-set...

This modern Japanese ashtray comes with zen garden pebbles to make you feel more at peace with your decision to pollute your lungs with the sweet and savory taste of the wonderful nerve calming smoke of a cigarette. Cigars...

You can't stab your ex for real. Well, you can, and some do, but our jails are really getting crowded. So use this instead. It has the additional benefit of keeping your knife situation tidy. It also comes with 5 new...

This creature is made from the deaths of other toys... after they're recycled first to make Al Gore happy. He stands 10 inches tall and has at least 5 different ways of killing you if you count squashing your head like...

Just when you thought Chuck Norris couldn't get any cooler. Enter double machine gun Chuck Norris. Set this guy on your desk as a loyal companion, or by your front door as a crap in pants inducing bodyguard or a nice...

This is pretty badass and very well made. The iPWN! Case for iPhone 4 fits AT&T models perfectly and you'll surely be the only person you know that has one... unless you know a bunch of other geeks...

Do you lose your keys like some kind of retard all of the time? Do you have a nagging wife that you can't get rid of? Then this is the perfect item for you. Also makes a good housewarming gift...

Finally. A way to combine your one true love and the girl you're currently boning. This handmade, handcrafted dress will surely lead to a handjob if you're smart enough to buy one for your girl...

There is not a doubt in my mind that this is made for guys who masturbate while watching porn on their iPhones. And why not?...

Instead of sitting there with a scowl on your puss banging your knife and fork against the table, learn a little ancient Japanese craftsmanship with this set of origami napkins. At 40 per package, these should keep you...

This is pretty cool. Looks like it might provide a little better leverage than your average pizza cutter. The cutter has a removable shield for easy clean up and a stainless steal blade. Dishwasher safe (only way I know...

This toilet paper must first pass beneath the smoldering nostrils of the legendary dragon, ruler of the skies, defender of kingdoms, maker of kings, before... cleaning the brown bits off of your butt hole...

Damn son. If you're the kind of guy that wears cologne, then this is the perfect cologne for you. Makes you smell like a little kid again, which is really the only time you should wear cologne...

Sea monkeys anyone? More like tiny shrimps. A bit redundant, but that's what's in there. No diaper changing. No picking up shit with a plastic bag. No feeding. No nothing. These are the best friends money can buy. Buy...

Do you want to get laid? I mean REALLY get laid. I know you do. And this is just the kind of watch that can accomplish that all on its own. Walk into a bar and order a Glenlivet, neat. Reach out with your left hand to...

Jesus will have nothing on you if you just buy this ball. You'll be walking on water in no time. It looks like it would be a huge pain in the ass to blow it up though. I know my pack a day habit would make it very difficult...

Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packing right here. I've got four-eleven positrack out back. Seven-fifty double pumper. Edelbrock intake, bored over thirty, eleven to one pop up pistons. Turbo jet, three ninety horse...

These messenger bags are really getting out of hand. Do guys really have that much crap to carry around? I guess if you're a guy who has to carry around his sketch pad or idea book and an apple or some shit all day, this...

These look like they would be good for two things. Playing video games and sitting in while you're high. If you want to have the perfect day, get high, sink into this beauty and turn FIFA socer 2011 on the PS3...

Ahhh. It's a see-through canoe/kayak that seats two and provides the perfect setting for a romantic, yet adventurous date of paddling the high seas and taking in all of its technicolored fishies, regally swaying anemones...