16 Stellar Stocking Stuffers for 2020
These 16 stellar stocking stuffers score Santa's stamp of approval. And also that of the Sesame Street episodes brought to you by the letter "S". Enjoy.
Note: Gift availability is listed, and prices are marked as they were at printing. Stock and prices are subject to change.
Zipogage - Zipper Pull Digital Thermometer
Is it hot in here or is it just me? Let me check my Zipogage zipper pull digital thermometer. Oh, will you look at that, 68 degrees. Once again, it's me.
Sun Company's digital version of their Zipogage gives all the bi-curious boys and girls instant access to the source of their bi-curiousity: Fahrenheit and Celsius. The large-print digital readout of the gauge is even suitable for bi-curious senior citizens who forgot their glasses.
Taco Toaster Taco Shell Makers
Taco fiends, and basic taco enthusiasts feeling a little forlorn about the lack of Taco Tuesday options during the pandemic , will appreciate the Taco Toaster's valuable service. Trade the crumbly, stale packs of Ortega and Old El Paso for these funky, foot-lookin' toaster tools that make easy work of forming fresh, hot, cruncherrific taco shells to order. Each Taco Toaster is 5-1/8" long x 3/4" wide x 6-1/2" tall, and fits most toaster slots.
OnMyWhey Portable Protein & Supplement Powder Keychains
A keychain-sized tub of protein powder? No whey! Yes whey, my shake-sipping friends, and not only that. These portable protein and supplement powder keychains are even called OnMyWhey, so they, much like myself, are as packed with puns as they are with protein.
Mobile Game Finger Sleeves
Sweaty thumbs killing your vibe - and your character - in PUBG and Survivor Royale? You may have laughed at the likes of mobile game finger sleeves in the past, but when it's your own fingers growing clammy and causing friction on your touchscreen during intense battles, sweat-wicking thumb condoms don't sound so bad, 'eh?
Mobile game finger sleeves are made with breathable and highly elastic conductive copper yarn. They say the covers' fibers will stay cool and dry during gameplay, and are thin enough to maintain touch sensitivity and the same natural, fast, and smooth experience with your screen you'd have with naked thumbs.
Haley's Original Corker
Halley's Comet might be more impressive when it comes to celestial visuals, but Haley's Corker is where it's at for not spilling leftover wine in your fridge, and preserving open bottles with an airtight seal. And - no wait, don't roll your eyes, there's so much more.
Haley's Corker is actually a 5-in-1 wine multi-tool, able to aerate your vino, pour it neatly, and filter out sunken sediment, in addition to providing a leak-proof seal, and keeping fresh plonk fresher for plonger.
SZQHT Wide Jaw Nail Clippers
Ready for a little DIY, at-home snip, snip? This time for your fingernails and toenails, rather than your vas deferens*. SZQHT levels up your cheap and crusty nail clippers with their line of ergonomic, wide jaw trimmers. The sturdy tools are made especially for thick nails and ingrowns, with an opening of up to 15mm, and a handle designed to cradle your fingers for a solid grip and more control as you go to town on your meat hook hands and Sasquatch feet.
*If you want that kind of snip, snip, check out the DIY Vasectomy Kit.
Offensive Crayons: Holiday Edition
In honor of not flying to see your family this year, crap presents with no gift receipt you just have to donate to Goodwill, and that jolly fat white mass of heart disease waiting to happen hosting lap sessions via Zoom, behold. Offensive Crayons: Holiday Edition!
Dr. Sheffield's Chocolate Toothpaste
Chocolate, a food typically associated with causing cavities, is now used to prevent them? What witchcraft is your Chocolate Toothpaste, Dr. Sheffield?
Furthermore, the Chocolate Toothpaste tube says you should use this tooth shampoo to "freshen breath, whiten teeth, and reduce plaque." While I can't say I know anything about chocolate's plaque-fighting powers, I would think chocolate breath and chocolate-colored teeth would not go very far in accomplishing the first two.
Personalized Glowing Life Bar Pin
Let everyone know how you're faring this year with a Personalized Glowing Life Bar Pin. The horizontal health meters charge up in sunlight, and then glow neon green in the dark at your choice of Full Life, Mostly Alive, or Mostly Dead levels. Get one of each to reflect the ups and downs of life, from fresh and ready to conquer, to barely clinging on (but ready to make one last stand, and go down fighting!)
Glowing Life Bar maker Critical Hit Shop will personalize the pins with any name or other word / phrase you'd like, up to 17 characters.
Heat Resistant Microwavable Bowl Holder
I'm not a little wussy girly man Hans & Franz would make fun of, but, Owwww! Bowls that come out of the microwave are hot! They burn my hands! And the worst part is, I often suffer the pain of a nooked hunk of ceramic only to find with my first bite of leftover chili inside it that the bowl's contents are still cold! I have to stick it back in the microwave and prepare to get burned again.
These simply named Bowl Holders are like pot holders molded into a concave shape that cuddles your bowl and absorbs its microwave-induced heat so you can hold it comfortably when it comes out. The Bowl Holders are heat-resistant, so they can go in the microwave too; no need to burn yourself and defeat the purpose finagling them on after the bowl comes out.
Squeeze-a-Bean Edamame Fidget Toy & Keychain
I know some of you are sick of fidget spinners, but this Squeeze-a-Bean Edamame keychain is a different kind of fidget toy. A most satisfying kind if the three-pea pod's popping action accurately replicates that of the real thing. That of the best part about waiting for my sushi to arrive. Squeeze, suck, toss, squeeze, suck, toss, it's almost a zen race to see how fast I can empty the first bowl and fill the second. Poppin' 'mame delivers at least as much calm and stress relief as spinnin' snitches.
Mini Materials Construct-a-Block Sets
Want a building brick that's a little more...concrete? Mini Materials Construct-a-Blocks are 1:12 scale building sets based on the company's popular miniature cinder blocks, but with nubs and notches rather than complete cutouts, to make them easier to stack and connect.
Smoke Pen for Home Maintenance
Where there's smoke there's usually fire, and where there's smoke and a pen, there's usually a vaporizer, but in this case, there's a Regin S220 Smoke Pen. The Smoke Pen is a home maintenance tool for smokers and non-smokers alike to use in detecting air leaks, verifying ventilation systems, determining negative or positive air pressure, and ensuring they don't find themselves amidst the type of smoke that does indicate a fire.
Martini Olive Chocolate Almonds
Andy Anand Chocolates called chocolate-covered almonds, pimento-stuffed olives, almond-stuffed olives, and pregnant women into a market research group to help them decide what the best flavor combination and psych-out optical illusion they could cook up would be and - tada! Martini olive chocolate almonds it is.
Sorry, pregnant women, chocolate-covered almond-stuffed olives was outvoted 4 to 1.
3D Domed Glow in the Dark Star Dots
These 3D domed Glow in the Dark Star Dots bring a next level night sky to the kids' room, or the living room whose ceiling you find yourself staring at more and more lately. The pack of 606 adhesive dots create a more realistic, textured starry sky look with their 3 different sizes and convex, 3-dimensional shape.
Butter Twist - Spread, Cut, Measure, Dispense & Store
Insert a whole, "East-Coast-style" skinny stick of butter into the Butter Twist, and enjoy an all-in-one butter overlord able to dispense precise butter measurements for cooking, or just the tip of the stick for smearing all over your toast, corn, baking pan, and body. Once you've gotten your butter fix, the Butter Twist sucks the stick back into its tunnel for sealed storage in the fridge.