Laser Vortex Gloves
- LED Bluetooth Full Color Luminous Glasses - $46.22
- Green Laser Gloves (Pair) - $137.00
- LED Sound Activated Panda T-Shirt - $39.99
- LED Fiber Optic Whip - $48.99
- Flashing Skeleton Fingers Gloves - $12.99
I look at these Laser Vortex Gloves from Light Up Clothing Store, and just one thing comes to mind: Cartman's about to get an anal probe*.
DJs, partiers, and aliens alike will dig holding a vortex in the palm of their hands while wearing these gloves. Each is fitted with one or more 450nm / 50mW lasers that produce intense spotlighting effects and beam-me-up circles wherever you point them. Light Up Clothing Store notes the vortexes appear best / most ominous when used where the fog machine is pumping, or in smoky environments. So, like, a festival or EDM show, or pretty much anywhere in California.
Laser Vortex Gloves are sold singly or as a set, and at printing Light Up Clothing Store had them available with red, green, blue, and some color combo lasers.
*South Park, Season 1, Episode 1. Debuted - can you believe it? - August 13, 1997.
/snow-melting-stair-mat-62406.jpg?mode=crop "Snow-Melting Stair Mat")
Snow-Melting Stair Mat
What?! A snow-melting stair mat? But, but, why? Everyone knows the best part of piled-up Mother Nature dandruff is watching people wipe out trying to navigate through it! I do feel bad for the AARP-aged ones when they...
/magicalbutter-cannabis-cooker-62400.jpg?mode=crop "MagicalButter Cannabis Cooker")
MagicalButter Cannabis Cooker
Easily make medicinal butter, oils, tinctures, lotions, and sauces. Hear that? MagicalButter is so named for its power to convert healing herbs into healing herb culinary creations. So start coughing and breaking into...
/disturbed-friends-the-worst-62430.jpg?mode=crop "Disturbed Friends - The Worst Game Ever Made")
Disturbed Friends - The Worst Game Ever Made
Consumer drones? Wearables? Self-driving cars (and -walking shoes)? Nah. I think politically incorrect card-based games that at some point make every person playing them feel extremely uncomfortable or self-conscious...
/heng-balance-magnetic-switch-62549.jpg?mode=crop "Balancing Magnetic Switch Lamp")
Balancing Magnetic Switch Lamp
Newton's Cradle meets abacus meets the first day of creation in these balance lamps with magnetic switches. Li Zanwen created the desk lamp design with a pair of magnetic wooden balls on strings at the center that attract...
/earwax-candle-kit-56889.jpg?mode=crop "Earwax Candle Kit")
Earwax Candle Kit
Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...
/night-vision-goggles-62570.jpg?mode=crop "Night Vision Goggles")
Night Vision Goggles
These hands-free night vision goggles mean surveillance, after-dark expeditions, and finding the perfect bush to pee on in the middle of the night aren't just possible, they're on like Donkey Kong!...
/spyfinder-pro-hidden-camera-62610.jpg?mode=crop "Hidden Camera Detector")
Hidden Camera Detector
Hidden cameras watching me in the dressing room? In my vacation rental? In the office? ... Well, I figured they're watching me in the office. Listen, I'm not trying to stir up any paranoia here, but this hidden camera...
/jumbl-puzzle-board-wooden-46537.jpg?mode=crop "Jumbl Puzzle Board Wooden Jigsaw Puzzle Table")
Jumbl Puzzle Board Wooden Jigsaw Puzzle Table
What, you can't finish that 1,500-piece jigsaw puzzle of a color gradient in one sitting? Sigh. Why'd you open it then? Now it's going to be cluttering up the dining room table for the next 3 weeks! Shoulda bought a Jumbl...
/headache-migraine-relief-cap-62512.jpg?mode=crop "Headache & Migraine Relief Cap")
Headache & Migraine Relief Cap
Headache? Migraine? Just want to bury your head in the freezer or a bucket of ice? How about a striking purple hat filled with cooling, soothing, pain-easing frozen gel instead?...
/plufl-the-dog-bed-for-humans-62576.jpg?mode=crop "Dog Bed for Humans")
Dog Bed for Humans
Welp, we've got dog food for humans, so why not dog beds for humans? Thank you Soylent, and now, YAEM...
/screaming-aztec-death-whistle-62534.jpg?mode=crop "Screaming Aztec Death Whistle")
Screaming Aztec Death Whistle
How have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle? In all my efforts to exact revenge on my ex-girlfriend, Karen, in all my attempts to prank my friend Cornelius, in all my ploys to convince my mother-in-law our...
/rechargeable-heated-slippers-62388.jpg?mode=crop "Rechargeable Heated Slippers")
Rechargeable Heated Slippers
Rechargeable Heated Slippers may be a boring, uninspired idea for a holiday gift, but they're not a bad idea. Think of all the people with cold feet out there. And all the people who have moderately warm feet inside...