Giant Inflatable Penis Costume
- Canned Unicorn Meat - $16.28
- The Dick Towel - $27.25
- Stu's Tribal Face Tattoo - $4.95
- Bachelorette Penis Straws - $10.49
- Red Kilt Beach Towel - $26.00
Something tells me that 90% of the time someone buys a Giant Inflatable Penis Costume, it's to give to someone else. But what's wrong with wanting to walk around dressed as a 7-foot tall penis yourself? I mean, I act like a dick on occasion, and given that we live in a world of Size matters and Go big or go home, I figure if I'm going to be a dick, may as well be the biggest dick anyone's ever met. And why not mix things up a little for Halloween, theme parties, and transcontinental flights? We don't need every guy in the room to be an Avenger and every girl a sexy nurse/police officer/school girl/devil/angel/oompa loompa.
But until we overhaul our perspective, Giant Inflatable Penis Costumes will likely be reserved for those who don't choose, and probably don't want to wear them. Bachelors and bachelorettes relegated to spending their last night of singledom cocooned in flesh-colored nylon. People who have lost a bet. Guys who go to a party, and then inexplicably wake up the next morning in the Walgreens parking lot wearing nothing but a large, uncircumcised penis (hey, it's a British product) and a sign reading, I look more like myself in this.
Once donned, the costume reaches full erection in 60 seconds--hold your chortle, if yours was 7 feet long it might take a full minute too--with the help of a built-in battery pack and fan. Upon achieving long-and-strong status, the erection will hold for up to 7 hours. Yeah. 7 hours. And it won't even need to be taken to the ER. According to the manufacturer, the Giant Penis Costume deflates easily once the battery back and fan are deactivated, is lightweight, and won't impede stuff-strutting on the dance floor. Much to the chagrin and discomfort of everyone on the dance floor not wearing a Giant Penis Costume.
Dick Tip: There's no better way to be a prick than by hijacking strangers' photos while dressed as one.
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