Tetris Leggings

Posted: February 20, 2012
Tetris Leggings

And you thought her legs couldn't get any more hypnotizing. Wearing a pair of Tetris leggings basically means slinking around in a second skin of polyester, retro-chic Nintendo graphics, and errant flecks of drool from every male who catches sight of them. However, the gam-enhancing tiles should be worn with caution. Like most relics of the Cold-War era USSR, they have been known to alter their wearers' genetic makeups, and once-wholesome young girls may experience slight to extreme shifts in personality imparted by the leggings' radioactive powers. In a matter of minutes, Tetriminoed ladies will find themselves delighting in dropping Silicon Valley CEOs with high-functioning autism to their knees. In being the Helen in cosplay falls of Troy. In draining even the most adroit Marios of their fire power without the aid of a single turtle or goomba accessory. And Frogger? That dodgy little pixelated amphibian better get ready for a gullet full of asphalt, 'cause the awesomeness that is Tetris tiles dancing in technicolor up and down the lower extremities of the female anatomy pretty much gives the term "femme fatale" a deviously practical application.

Tetris legging tiles are expertly stacked from ankles to about knee-height, where they start to thin out heading north. The groin area is printed with statistical data, including player score, lines, and remaining lives.

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