Nutshellz Level I Bullet Resistant Groin Cup

Posted: June 28, 2018
Nutshellz Level I Bullet Resistant Groin Cup
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Whoa. If I need a Nutshellz Level I bullet resistant groin cup it means I think I might be getting shot in the nuts. And if I'm getting shot in the nuts, it means the person doing the shooting is really evil, really hates me, and has a - uh - balls-on accurate shot.


That last one rules out my ex-girlfriend Karen.

She couldn't even hit one part of the entirety of my car with her giant furry boot one time when we got in a fight and she stormed all chick-flick-drama out onto the street at a stoplight, so I was like, "Fine. Walk."

My sense is that Nutshellz made a bullet resistant cup more to prove a point than to thwart the penetration of actual bullets into your cock and balls. Rather, their Level I protector's technical specs reflect a very high level of thought and engineering, and possibly over-engineering, that went into the cup's construction.

Indeed the Level I is made with bullet resistant materials, including Dyneema, Kevlar, carbon fiber, and polyurethane, and according to Nutshellz, "Ballistic tests have confirmed that even a 9mm bullet can't penetrate our Level 2 groin protector." (Shown here is the Level I; Level II will run you another $30+ bucks.)

Equally important, Nutshellz says their cups remain comfortable to wear, with an ergonomic fit. The shape of the Level I combines with its strong materials to displace any impact force across the wearer's body mass so he feels minimal effects in the covered area. For athletes, this can mean the difference between feeling pukey and seeing stars for a few minutes, and total debilitation.

Nutshellz uses MLB as an example: in May 2018 Cardinals' catcher Yadier Molina, wearing a standard pro cup, took a 103MPH foul ball to the crotch. He had to have emergency surgery and was out for a month. The Cardinals purchased some Nutshellz. A few weeks later, Cardinals catcher Francisco Pena experienced a similar sequence of events, and told Fox Sports Midwest, "I was wearing the new Kevlar cup, it stunned me but it wasn't bad at all, I was OK."

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