The Kraken Umbrella

Posted: March 05, 2014
The Kraken Umbrella

What I like about this Kraken umbrella is the inside, which features a giant Kraken. What I like significantly less about this Kraken umbrella is the outside, which features a mess of curlicued, doily-looking sea life and free advertising for The Kraken spiced rum. I am ambivalent about the squid arm handle. It looks cool, but I'm skeptical of its gripping comfort, especially during a blustery downpour. I'm bitter enough when forced out of doors in inclement weather. I don't need a palm covered in cephalopod suction cup imprints adding to my ire. (Note: According to The Kraken Supply Shop, the Kraken umbrella's handle is "rubbery". How does one interpret that in terms of skin-gouging potential?)

So as not to sound like a complete d-bag, I will reiterate that I do dig the inside of the Kraken umbrella. And I generally enjoy umbrellas as a commodity. I will also disclose that I chipped a tooth biting into a Werther's Original a couple hours ago, so I'm not in the best of moods.

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