Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

Though he'll probably stick with Mjolnir for wailing on Loki, if Thor were a construction worker I bet he would use one of Wilton's BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammers. Touted the toughest sledge ever built, BASHes with heads...

Here are some giant squishy beasts--Squishables, officially--fashioned after the likes of the Narwhal, T-Rex, Yeti, Cthulhu, Polar Bear, and Android mascot. I know you don't want one. But look: they appear to make ladies...

LEGO Minifigure ice cubes and chocolates: cool. But how about LEGO Minifigure pads of butter? LEGO Minifigure Jell-O shots? LEGO Minifigure frozen Pedialyte for sick kiddos? The possibilities for transcending all previous...

While I would trust the paracord to help me in my times of need--jimmying a suspended shelter during floods or stepping in for my broken shoelace during the 3-on-3 playoffs at the YMCA--I have to admit its Vader component...

No, I'm afraid you can't borrow my pen, sir. I'm using it to record you cuddle monkeying around with that 24-year-old boob job who I'm pretty sure isn't your wife so that I can blackmail you for the approximate cost of...

The new name in ultra-thin? It's...no, not the chick who's playing Carrie in the prequel series to Sex and the City. Hint: It's an inanimate object. It's...no, not Nicole Kidman. Mom, stop trying to guess! You're messing...

Hand-sewn Yoda heads atop plush tan sweatshirts we will wear. Those of us who carry the Force will anyway. And with the Yoda Hoodies' slouchy front pockets, we'll even have a place to stuff it for safekeeping. Erin Maynard...

You've always known bananas are healthy, but did you know holding one against your face can prevent brain tumors? Apparently, you can also use them to communicate with your mother. The Radiation-Proof Banana Handset for...

Never one to pass up the opportunity to protect myself or promote hearing loss, I think I'll take a Cybernetic Research Labs Tactical Whistle in every color. I'll give the pink one to the next girl I ask out as assurance...

NYC Subway Map Tights address two male quandaries. 1) Being lost on the streets of New York and not wanting to ask for directions. 2) Coming up with something non-douchebaggy to say after getting caught staring at a smokin'...

Several months ago, Vincent Ng ran an extremely successful Kickstarter Campaign for his HALO LED Sport Belt, which he is now manufacturing and selling for the luminous enjoyment and nighttime safety of all. Round 2 of...

Hello, children. In today's lesson we will learn about death and gardening. First, meet Walter. Walter is dead. That's why he fits so easily inside this urn. Now meet the Spiritree. The Spiritree is also an urn, but it...

Christmas: Over. Valentine's Day: Dammit! Still to come. But get your wife/girlfriend/favorite cheese girl at the Whole Foods a Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace, and you'll both check another gift off your list and...

Stefan Kudoke calls his masterful Kraken timepiece the KudOktopus, which I guess is acceptably clever. I would have called it the KudoKraken though. Easier to pronounce. Sounds kind of like pseudo-Kraken, which an ornate...

Of course the Batman Chess Set costs nearly $800. The Dark Knight is a fancy superhero. The fanciest superhero of all, I would say. And check out how dashing he looks in fine pewter and diecast metal. Villains the Joker...

With only 6 days remaining in its Kickstarter campaign, and less than 25% of its $25,000 funding goal achieved, it doesn't seem that the Suzak chair will find success in its run for public funding, but I hope creators...

It may still stink, but ingest a couple of these 24K capsules, and your shit will look as handsome as a pile of gold. Tobias Wong and J.A.R.K. (Ju$t Another Rich Kid) created the Gold Pills as part of their INDULGENCE...

An update of theKube, nano MP3 player newKube debuted a few days ago at the 2013 Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas. Improvements to the previous model are based on user feedback, and include an inbuilt equalizer with...

Joanne Silverman loves meth. Just kidding. She loves Breaking Bad. I mean, I guess she might love meth too, but probably not because if she did it is unlikely she would have the wherewithal to conceive and create this...

In the spirit of the World's Tackiest Sweaters, but with short sleeves, cheese, and pepperoni*. Somehow the Pizza Shirt falls both into the categories of Insults to the Concept of Clothing and Must-Have Additions to My...

Streets, roads, lanes, avenues, boulevards, routes, and highways appear to have adequate coverage in the music industry. Enough to pack this inventive map of infrastructure-themed songs anyway. The 4-color litho print...

Gone are my days of ceasing to wear a shirt that has lost a button until I remember to take it with me to my parents' house so my mom can fix it while I suck down everything in their refrigerator and kitchen cabinets...