They're terming Brook & Hunter's axe of a thousand ways to destroy and maim a "garden tool". Yeah, for all the "weeding" I have to do when gangs of Girl Scouts jump me in the grocery store parking lot because I dissed...

Although this grizzly bear won't tote you around on his back and serve as your mystical forest companion, chances are he also won't eat you when you plop down on or dive bomb him while he slumbers. Because this is a Big...

I bet you didn't know Eva Unit 01 was also highly adept at manipulating the three states of matter. Well, two of the three anyway. Here to keep your home or office moist and safe from itchy skin and dry eyeballs is the...

Call my name! Bastian, please! Save us! Did anyone else have trouble deciphering what Bastian actually said when he screamed out the name he had chosen for the Childlike Empress? I must have watched The Neverending Story...

What if you had a tiny device to track your reps, sets, duration, speed, and intensity? Would you work out more? Would you work out harder? Yeah, me neither, but I'd use it to barter with a strong, fit person who actually...

Oh, I see what they did. Put a knife on the knight's helmet where the plume usually goes. So it looks less dashing and, er, girly and more likely to leave numerous scars on its wearer. No, I'm sorry, make that its Fantasy...

The little bit of good news I have for you today is that we are only 16 days away from spring and 27 days away from Easter*, which means Peep eating season is upon us! Even better tidings for Minecraft die-hards: Marshmallow...

Controlling objects through abracadabra gestures seems to be a hot trend right now. So can someone please make me a Mycestro 3D Mouse ring or MYO Armband that, in addition to manipulating my PC, will also abracadabra...

One time I participated in a Pedal Pub Crawl. Yeah, I know the beer bar on training wheels looks more suitable for middle-aged tourists who own a designated pair of "walking shoes" than a strapping stud like me, but I...

Today I will perform for the millions clicking on my YouTube shower curtain a rendition of Mr. Big's "To Be With You" as I lather my hair, followed by a standup routine about how I don't eat bivalves or things that taste...

Previously if someone had asked me how to make bow ties more dapper I would have called trick question BS. You! Can't! I would have exclaimed. Their plaid and polka-dotted prints have propelled them to their dapper pinnacle...

Oh, how nice. A clock for people with no respect for others' time who like to turn their lack of responsibility and accountability into a big joke. Well, when I tell you to be at my place at 8 a.m. and you unapologetically...

Typically, I'm all too happy to touch things in public places and then put my fingers in my mouth, but the airplane is where I draw the line. Confined space, large numbers of people and, ugh, their children, recycled...

Although the aesthetics of the shattered screen look are starting to grow on me, I do prefer the functionality of smartphones whose parts are intact. And the very nature of touchscreens--that to work as intended they...

I made the image of the little boy using the Zero Gravity Soccer Trainer bigger than the one of the little girl in the photo above because we all know boys are better than girls at sports, and the latter really shouldn't...

The Bat Hoodie is what Batman's suit would look like if it were made of 100% cotton and sported a zip front for quick and easy entry. It's what Dark Knights wear when they want to fight evil in comfort and not smell like...

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...

I'm not sure who decided mixtapes were in need of a resurgence, but to whomever it was, congratulations. The Aussies were listening. And they've added upgrades in the form of NFC chips, QR codes, and the removal of old-school...

In case there was any confusion, Poundtown Condom vendor Say It with a Condom specifies this particular latex shroud is for "anyone who's a Poundtown regular, or is coming for the first time." Haha, get it? There are...

I don't really need a V-shaped toaster and accompanying knife to facilitate PB&J assembly and consumption--my mama makes mine. Crunchy Peter Pan, seedless strawberry jam, two slices of pumpernickel (shut up, it's delicious)...

Nothing warms my heart more than the marriage of two renowned brands well out of my price range. Here, The Macallan Scotch and rugged apparel and accessories magnate Oakley have collaborated on a tactical, indestructible...

Likelihood I would kill a pet jellyfish: 100%. Likelihood I would kill a potted plant: 98%. Likelihood I would kill a jellyfish air plant: 75%. Because Etsy shop Petit Beast swears on its spiky sea urchin shells that...