Trakline Fits-Like-a-Glove Belt

$59.95 Amazon »

When it comes to pants positioning, waistline aesthetics, and--most importantly--gut comfort, 1/4" can make a huge difference. Traklines banish the meager five, 1"-spaced holes of traditional belts from their full-grain...

SeaDuction Floating Cabanas

No one complain that SeaDuction's amphibious cabanas are available only at tropical resorts, and not for public purchase, because I know that even if they were up for general grabs, all I would hear is more complaints:...

Grindrite Weed Watch

$39.99 Vaporite »

I thought it would do something cutesy like stay frozen on 4:20, but nay. The Grindrite keeps real time too! Though usually after a few tokes of the good stuff my friend Victor procures I'm not really able to comprehend...

Bike Pump Seat Post

Sold Out Amazon »

It's like sitting on air. Literally...yet...somehow minus the perceived comfort of actually sitting on air. Because although BioLogic's PostPump 2.0 has converted a high-capacity bicycle tire pump into a bicycle seat...

Star Wars Cats Pincushions

Sold Out Etsy »

One thing I really do not like is cats. Which makes them the perfect subject for a pincushion. Their Star Wars spin trips me up a little--it's going to be way less gratifying to stab a Han Solo cat in the gut than it...

Flexible Grilling Skewers

$11.63 Amazon »

We can't all be lucky enough to find a girl who can do backbends and pretzel her legs behind her head, but thanks to Fire Wire's flexible grilling skewers, we can all enjoy and indulge in this display of talent from our...

MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear

$24.99 - $30.99 Amazon »

While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole...

Cyber Clean Crevice Cleaner

Sold Out Amazon »

As it turns out, you can give Silly Putty an official-sounding name and use it for more than just making impressions of the lines in your palm and copying print from newspapers. The malleable amoeba that is Cyber Clean...

1,000 Year Old Reclaimed Redwood Sunglasses

$350 Capital »

Capital Eyewear has trolled Northern California and recovered enough 1,000-year-old Redwood to craft 25 pairs of history-rich sunglasses. The wood originally served as a railroad bridge built in the 1800s. The bridge...

The $6,800, 84 MPG Elio

$6,800 Elio Motors »

Just to calm your immediate concerns, yes, the forthcoming Elio will be available in colors other than Ghostbusters Slimer. An American-made, China-priced 3-wheeler, Elio heralds itself as a next-generation personal transporter...

Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

$42.25 - $55.89 Amazon »

I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately...

Triforce Claddagh Ring

$12 - $85 Shapeways »

I've never cared much for the word "Claddagh." It sounds like a combination of too many different scary female body parts and sexually transmitted diseases. But the rings themselves are alright if you're into, like, announcing...

COOKUP 200 Solar BBQ

$519 ID Cook »

Those days when it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk or the sun's bright enough to light ants on fire with a magnifying glass? The COOKUP 200 solar BBQ turns nearly every day into an over-easy-on-the-concrete...

Cole-Bar Multi-Functional Hammer

$79 Cole-Bar »

Although I enjoy calling people tools, I don't really understand how the term came to be an insult. Aren't tools generally helpful and beneficial to the cause of man, as opposed to the burdens of dead-weight idiocy implied...

Latex Bat Underwear

$80 Etsy »

Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...

Kelty AirPitch - Inflatable Tent

Sold Out Amazon »

At this point we all know that if I have the opportunity to circumvent or finagle my way out of manual labor, everyone better settle in for a sweeping display of circumventing and finagling. So the news that setup of...

Homemade Bacon Kit

$16.99 baconkit »

Would you say that bacon-themed things are getting a little old? I would. Unless, that is, the bacon-themed thing happens to be actual bacon. baconkit's nifty portable armory of curing tools and ingredients enables all...

Earl Backcountry Survival Tablet

$249 earl »

Built for the extreme outdoors, the Earl survival tablet combines Android 4.1 technology with a low-energy E-Ink screen to enable complete (and useful--no Angry Birds here) functionality where other smartphones and tablets...

Delta Six Open Source Gaming Gun

$265 Delta Six »

The Delta Six might be the coolest looking gaming gun I've ever seen. I would consider buying one even if I couldn't use it for anything but picking my nose and curling up with on the couch at night (the latter particularly...

Retro Game Phone Cases

$29.99 Pure Gear »

Retro game smartphone cases go legitimately retro--like back to the 1920s when the only people still alive who would remember pachinko boards and ball mazes as their primary form of childhood entertainment really can't...

Alligator in a Manhole Doormat

$22.99 Perpetual Kid »

Though not as blood-curdling as a breaching shark in an elevator, an alligator snarling up through a manhole cover on my front doorstep should make uninvited visitors take pause long enough to second guess their decision...

Hovertrax Auto-Balancing Transporter

$995 Inventist »

The Hovertrax has no learning curve and requires no skills to use, which is good because you can bet that if I'm too lazy to walk myself down the street or hallway, I am definitely too lazy to learn how to use a complex...

Crispy Crust Pizza Maker

$149.95 Williams Sonoma »

Williams Sonoma predicts Breville's compact countertop crispy crust pizza maker will change my life. Now, far be it from me to argue with the world's #1 kitchen store magnate about life-altering experiences, but given...

Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate

$27 Amazon »

If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without...