Stash your stash and stupefy untrained fingers Super Mario-style! Enter to win a set of Magic Billet Boxes fashioned after the legendary Nintendo bricks and ? blocks (a $240 value)!...

Those of you who follow the detailed accounts I provide of my illustrious life now know that I have racked up many hundreds of dollars in unpaid parking tickets. So many hundreds that you could technically upgrade the...

The Star Wars boys give a pretty decent representation of Victorian times, huh? Jabba the Hutt almost looks dapper. Or at least less like the massive wart my friend Cornelius grew on the inside of his arm when he went...

Cold beers, cold thighs, elastic waist to accommodate the intake of fried things with your Buds and Coors, what more could you ask for in a pair of shorts? Beershorts' pair of built-in koozies not only eliminate the tedious...

I don't know if I'd be more turned on by or afraid of a girl wearing lock pick earrings. I mean, if she knows how to use them, that's hot. But if she knows how to use them...uh...I mean I have like $1,200 in unpaid parking...

It would be better if it were in the shape of the toast I'm going to pile it on, and I also doubt my ability to flip an egg within such tight confines without losing part of it to my burner, but I still appreciate the...

Up T-shirts award "dream posture" to both men and women with an integrated, flexible, extra-thin film woven into their fabrics at trigger points (shoulders, upper back) shown to encourage long spines, open chests, and...

Canned Dragon Meat. It's like Canned Unicorn Meat, but from a slain dragon instead of a slain unicorn. It probably tastes a lot tougher, maybe a little charred, but since slaying a dragon is considered heroic and grounds...

To confirm the accuracy of its name, someone subjected the DropLED Pro Harsh Duty Bulb to a few tests. 300 direct hits to a cinder block. Crushing under a forklift. Placing against the interior side of Drax the Destroyer's...

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

I don't need to tell you that an Emergency Underpants Dispenser is more than just a novelty gift. You know how many times you've laughed so hard you peed your pants. How often you've unexpectedly encountered a large barking...

Jade Monk's demonic-looking Japanese spirit animals would like to offer you a "tremendously refreshing" pouch of powder containing 7 cups of green tea nutrients and enough caffeine to turbocharge your mind and body for...

Look cyclists, it's a little green you. A constant companion on the road who will never fall behind or drop you, and who will do everything he can to save you from getting rammed, flipped, T-boned, or sideswiped by a...

I've been looking for an oven I can carry around like a ladies' purse. And this one looks like the contraption my grandma used to use to get a suntan, so it even has some nostalgia built into it. Sunflair's portable solar...

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and...

390 FPS, 21-1/2" long barrel, 13-1/2" short barrel, 1,700-round magazine capacity...I don't think I'd even shoot my friend Cornelius in the ass with one of these things to try to get on Tosh.0. The Echo1 M134 MiniGun...

FIN is a thumb ring. It's way less intimidating than a pinky ring, but if intimidation isn't your primary motive, FIN can do several hi-tech, gadgety things, some of which you may find even more useful than making the...

The only thing that could improve the experience of sinking my ass into a couch would be being able to set my sodie and plate of waffle fries down right next to me. Like, immediately adjacent to my sunken ass. This would...

Fogged mirrors! I can't groom my facial hair or Dep Gel my head for, like, 8-1/2 minutes after emerging from the shower unless I stand there like an a-hole blowing my mama's hairdryer on it. Towels: do not work. Squeegees:...

Oh good, dog sledding is now available for suburbia in July. It's a Dog. Powered. Scooter. For canine exercise? Sure. To enhance mobility of the elderly? Sounds good. So that I can be the one guy in town who travels by...

Josh Cooley's book Movies R Fun: A Collection of Cinematic Classics for the Pre-(Film) School Cinephile takes iconic and cult (mostly) R-rated movie scenes as inspiration for artwork styled after children's storybooks...

A USS Enterprise engagement ring is what happens when true love collides with the reluctant decision to propose to some chick. As a male with a basic appreciation for the Star Trek TV series and movies, plus a deep respect...

Stereotypically, they're awkward. Unathletic. Unpopular. Nasally. Know-it-alls who got no game. In reality, they run the world. And maybe a lot of the 21st century's geeks still do possess some of the qualities of those...

Under normal circumstances, my tongue wouldn't be the first place I'd pick to be spanked. But seeing as Tonguespank Spices are coating their lashings in flavors like Garlic Grappa and Scorpion Bourbon, I guess I'd be...