Giveaway Closed

Giveaway: Tactical Beer Mug

I don't always drink beer, but when I do I prefer it in a mug with an AR-15 carry handle and laser sight mounted to its mil-spec 1913 scope rails. Also, it better not be F'ing IPA. I hate that skunk piss. Those who are...

KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

3-String Electric Violin Guitar

Discontinued

Like the Nintendo controller coffee tables Charles Lushear handmakes CNC-machine-free from local California woods, Celantano Woodworks out of North Carolina works similar magic on their handmade, wood-based, "You dream...

Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

Discontinued

Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...

Slothzilla Shower Curtain

Sold Out Amazon »

So...I guess Slothzilla sounded better than King Sloth or Sloth Kong? Or maybe it's creators were just taking a page out of sloth the animal's own book and being lazy about fact checking their re-imaginations of iconic...

Cesium 133 - True Atomic Wristwatch

What's so special about an "atomic" wristwatch paradoxically struggling to work itself down from prototype sizes as big as the wearer's wrist? Well. In tracking time, it loses just 1 second every 1,000 years. Because...

Han Solo in Carbonite Rug

$49.99 - $69.99 ThinkGeek »

Sure it's a cool novelty item to have in your family room or front entryway, plus embodies that which brings you the greatest joy in life (Star Wars), but do you really want to be the type of person who keeps Han Solo...

Mobile Device Seat-back Mount

Sold Out Amazon »

The only redeeming qualities of being on an airplane are that I can guiltlessly spend 3 to 9 hours doing nothing but eating, getting drunk, and watching full seasons of Battlestar Galactica. However, this is also problematic...

Captain America Winter Soldier Jacket

$179 - $229 Film Jackets »

While the Captain America Winter Soldier leather jacket doesn't exactly have the same presence as the Captain America motorcycle suit, in a way it's a much more practical investment because A) it's way cheaper, and B)...

Johammer J1 Electric Motorcycle

$32k - $35k Johammer »

Why does being eco-friendly and emission-free always seem to translate to pastels and girly colors? I don't think the Austrian Johammer J1 electric motorcycle looks that bad in design structure or general aesthetics--no...

Gamebuino Arduino Game Console

$50 Gamebuino »

Gamebuino. It's like Gameboy & Arduino's bambino. And it really is Aurelien Rodot's bambino. He came up with the idea for Gamebuino shortly after putting together a "quick and dirty" handheld console one weekend last...

Smokestack Outdoor Fire Pit

$1,050 A+R Store »

Funny, the guy shown using the Smokestack outdoor fire pit is exactly the type of guy I'd imagine to be entirely incapable of using a Smokestack outdoor fire pit. Half-kneeling in a suit with a baby axe? I guess that...

Mary Jane Polystone Statue

$889.88 Amazon »

I still can't believe they once let snaggletooth Kirsten Dunst play Mary Jane Watson. Sideshow Collectibles' statue would have made a better ultimate girl next door than she did just kneeling there silent and unmoving...

VinniBag Bottle Protector

Sold Out Amazon »

VinniBag is the answer to the call of Fra-gee-lay. Case in point: one time, back when I had a sugar mama, I went to Chilean wine country and while going through customs upon returning to my homeland I watched a dude pick...

Japanese Electric Piston Masturbator (NSFW)

Discontinued

Note: The Japanese electric piston masturbator's NSFW designation serves not so much as a reminder that this device is not suitable to view at work as it does a reminder that it is not suitable to use at work. I found...

Slice Ceramic Safety Cutter

$4.38 Amazon »

Slice makes kinder, gentler tools in soothing hues to perform some of life's rigorous and thankless tasks. Such as opening boxes and impossibly-sealed packages. Hacking through shrink-wrap. Clipping coupons. At least...

SeV Sterling Store-Everything Jacket

Sold Out Amazon »

The Scottevest SeV Sterling jacket has 24 interior pockets. 24! That means it can hold my wallet (condoms), water bottle (lube), iPad (In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon DVD), sunglasses (vibrator), Bluetooth headset...

KettleClamp Adjustable Kettlebell

Discontinued

Turn your dumbbell into an even worse implement of corporal torture: a kettlebell! The adjustable KettleClamp secures to any size/weight of dumbbell, expanding its functionality to include the Russians' favorite way to...

Chocolate Zombie Bunny

Sold Out Amazon »

The Chocolate Zombie Bunny is what happens when you make an April Fool's Joke that sends all the little zombies into a frenzy of Easter basket demands, and then off on a killing spree when they discover the punchline...

How to Poo on a Date

$27.76 Amazon »

Now that I've learned How to Poo at Work, plus How to Pee with Morning Wood, it's time I overcome my next, and perhaps my greatest, hurdle in life: How to Poo on a Date. How do I poo on a date? I've often wondered. Obviously...

HAL Robot Suit - Next Generation Prototype

Japanese robotics company Cyberdyne began their Hybrid Assistive Limb, or HAL trials in 2012. A powered exoskeleton endeavoring to turn humans into cyborg-type robots, HAL has been tested largely in medical facilities...

Water Hammock

Sold Out Amazon »

This is what I'm dreaming of. Swimming pool season. Lazing in a water hammock. Hot blondes in little black bikinis. (The brunette in the little white one isn't bad either.) Over the hump of winter now, I can see it. All...

Wine Bottle Thermometer

Sold Out Amazon »

I drink all my wine on the rocks, so I don't really need a wine bottle thermometer, but if you're into the whole tradition and preservation and quality thing, maybe you'd like to slip this thermal readout cuff onto your...

Mouse Taxidermy Kit

$49.69 Firebox.com »

I hate to throw out a perfectly good dead mouse. It just seems like an anti-climactic payoff for the money I spend on traps and cheese. I'm glad to hear the people of London agree. According to Firebox, mouse taxidermy...