Indoor Sprout Garden
Good news! You and your pet cows can now consume all the grass you want without ever setting foot outside! The iPlant Sprout Garden is even self-sustaining with its automatic sprinkler and temperature-controlled heater, and since you won't have to buy expensive green supplements or E. coli-laden alfalfas at the Whole Foods anymore, it will pay for itself in both dollars and gastrointestinal tranquility within weeks.
Best of all, have you ever noticed how dogs sometimes eat grass and then throw up? And our inclination is to yank on their leash and say to them, "Hey, stop eating the grass! You're going to throw up!" Well often, they're eating the grass because a few hours ago they ate some chicken skin and cigarette butts out of the trash, and now they're sick. Puking cleanses the ick from their system, and grass is a safe and effective inducer. So if one night you drink a cup of bacon grease on a dare or make out with someone repulsive, and then need to extract the poor judgment, the sprout garden will allow you to do so naturally, while simultaneously nourishing your body with essential vitamins and amino acids.