Cat Scratch DJ Meow Mix
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Everyone suspects that their cat is a pretty decent DJ. But does your cat have what it takes to spin at the big Vegas venues? Could he host a Kardashian party.... the ultimate gig? Don't just throw him directly into the mix. Let him sharpen his skills, and claws, first with this.
$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat
The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...
Cat Battle Armor
Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...
BiteyBox for Cats That Chew Up Your House
Reading about the BiteyBox has brought me to a stunning realization: my cat, Zanzibar, has a redeeming quality! He doesn't chew up my house! I've only ever had one cat - inherited through marriage because my wife, She-Ra:...
Lion Cat Carrier
Who let the cat out of...no, wait. The real question should be, who stuffed the cat inside the bag in the first place? Was it you, Becky? Thinkin' this canvas tote with a plush lion sewn on the front was just too adorable...
Cat-Proof Toilet Paper Holder
They say this is a Cat-Proof Toilet Paper Holder. I say, "Ha! Hahahahaha!" You think an unlocked, lift-up lid is going to stop my cat, Zanzibar, from having his way with the Charmin? Ha! Hahahahaha!...
Unneutered Cat Stuffed Animal
According to Unneutered Cat Stuffed Animal seller, the Japanese brand OOPSHANA, the "application" of this testicled feline plushie is "everywhere you like, suitable for bedroom, living room, home, office, etc." Hmmm...
Meownooker Cat Billiards Toy
A Meownooker? Sounds like a cat lookin' to deliver his goods to a Meownookie. Who will, of course, tell him to take that cookie and stick it up his (yeah). But, no. Meownooker is actually a billiards- / pool-themed toy...
Copycat Art Scratcher - Famous Art Cat Scratchers
I don't normally like copycats - in art, writing, or murder - but if these Copycat Art Scratchers will: 1) stop my cat Zanzibar from using my leg and face as his scratching post; and 2) satisfy my wife's desire not to...
Exploding Kittens Card Game - NSFW Edition
Unlike run-of-the-mill kitten explosions, Exploding Kittens: NSFW Edition contains content that is not suitable for your workplace or children. And even though no one seems to be saying it, I'm guessing a card game featuring...
Cat Ear Headphones
Know what a Berkeley education gets you? The ability to mastermind genius ideas like cat ear headphones. And also the impeccable taste to select an incredibly hot Asian girl to model them. UC Berkeley alumni Wenqing Yan...
Spandex Black Cat Burglar Costume
What's better than an inked Felicia Hardy prancing around, getting limber on your pages of The Amazing Spider-Man as the Black Cat? A real live girl (or boy--we aim to please all orientations) prancing around, getting...
Cat Balls Calendar
Now here are some furry friends for you. And all your friends. The Cat Balls Calendar may be the premiere White Elephant and Dirty Santa gift for this holiday season. May be - we're only mid-November, dudes, so I'm just...