Alfred the Giant Crochet Octopus
I can't tell exactly how giant Alfred the Giant Crochet Octopus is, but if the evidence in the image gallery above is any indication, he appears to be the equivalent of 1 x standard lady who has not yet mastered the art of photographic lighting, camera positioning, or the selfie.
Alfred's adoption listing (i.e., Etsy shop So Wool So Cool) lists him just as available in sizes Small, Medium, and XXL, the latter the only real option, in my opinion. I mean, why spend a wad of cash on a crochet octopus if it isn't big enough to wow your friends, spoon at night, and possibly star alongside you in a new TikTok video series that makes people wonder if you're having relations with a crochet octopus like we all wondered if that dude from My Octopus Teacher was having relations with a real octopus?
Understandably, So Wool So Cool does not have a bunch of human-size crochet octopuses sitting around ready to ship, so if you want Alfred in all his tentacled glory for your home, or as a gift for your kid, you must place a custom order. Bringing the giant crochet octopus to life could take 4 to 5 weeks.