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Valiryo Body Dryer

Posted: September 29, 2021
Valiryo Body Dryer
$1,990
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I was gonna say, "Add the Valiryo Body Dryer to the list of weird products I don't need," but then I remembered how I felt about bidets before I tried one, and how I feel about the glorious toilet masters and pinnacles of self-care now, and...anyone want to send me a Valiryo Body Dryer?

"Send me" being the key words here. I'm not sure I'd drop the many hundos required to buy a Valiryo Body Dryer for myself, especially given the track record of every hand dryer in every public restroom I've ever used. Even Dyson's superior versions of the inferior tech end with me wiping my hands on my pants. And the worst, the worst of the futile blowers are the ones that somehow break the sound barrier when you put your hands anywhere near their airflow. I leave the bathroom at my favorite ramen place with my ears ringing like I just saw Tiesto.

Or whoever it is the kids are going deaf to these days.

My point is, if the Valiryo Body Dryer is just another functional and acoustical piece of air-blasting crap, then it's the last thing I want mounted on the wall of my bathroom. However, if the kind of hot air it blows is soothing and pleasant, if its 27 diffusers and 16 temperature / power combinations feel - and sound - like the "air massage" Valiryo claims they do, then like I said, go ahead and send me one.

In addition to the luxury of having custom temperature- and speed-controlled air blown at your wet naughty bits, Valiryo says their Body Dryer is more hygienic, plus eliminates the friction and skin irritation some find with a towel. It is also useful for people with mobility issues, and helps prevent the spread of slippery puddles of water all over the bathroom floor.

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