Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

Posted: January 30, 2013
Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

When speaking of our health, of preventing the ingestion of fecal matter thrust into the air during the toilet flushing process, is there really a need to mince words? Beat around the bush? Employ euphemisms? Woodpecker Laboratories says, "Nay!" The truth must be delivered plainly, bluntly, and preferably in colorful language so as to drive home the point in an unforgettable fashion. You know, like how most people remember that Abe Lincoln said, "Party on, dudes!" in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure better than they remember whatever it was he said about all men being created equal in the Gettysburg Address.

The Lab's toilet seat stickers adhere to the lids of human waste thrones like little crowns, reminding their users that the john--or rather, John, since the decals opt to personify him--is gross. John requests that we put his lid down upon business completion. Specifically, John commands, "Put me the fuck down or microscopic pieces of shit will get on your toothbrush." What a guy! It's like he knows he provides us with a necessary service, but he also knows that very service renders him repulsive. That if we're not careful, he's going to spit poop particulates on items we put in our mouths. So he tells us, in no uncertain terms, how to avoid consequences of such magnitude. Put the lid down, avoid the shit breath he lives with every day of his life. Good lookin' out, John!

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