Litter Kwitter

Posted: May 05, 2014
Litter Kwitter
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Yes, the Litter Kwitter is a real thing. Vendor Firebox, known for their elaborate April Fool's pranks, repeatedly assures us that this seeming 20-pound chocolate Lionel Richie head of cat supplies is not a joke. So now that we have its credibility established, we can move on to discussing how a 3-step training system that teaches cats to pee and poo in human toilets is almost certainly an omen of the End of Days. I give humanity another 2 years max before the felines armor up and take us out in the ApoCATlypse.

Firebox, on the other hand, deems the Litter Kwitter "the next logical evolution in feline domestication." Developed by animal behaviorists and advocated by the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), the system endeavors to make quick and easy work out of focusing cats' natural instincts to teach them to do their business on the pot. Presuming owners are diligent and successful in this training, the result would be an obliteration of their home's smelly and vile litter boxes, plus millions of dollars in savings on the pebbly matter that fills them.

The Litter Kwitter package includes a universal base plate for attachment to almost any toilet seat, plus 3 training discs that owners progressively remove as their cats becomes more familiar with relieving themselves on their new, fully-plumbed litter box. Precise training times will depend on a cat's age, temperament, sense of adventure, and intelligence. So as with humans, the old, cranky, anxious, and dumb ones may be lost causes. Litter Kwitter training systems also come with an instructional DVD. I think for the cat trainers, not the cat trainees.

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