Giant Rideable T-Rex Bike

Posted: July 09, 2015
Giant Rideable T-Rex Bike
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Of course, of course Portlandia is the Craig's List source for a giant rideable T-Rex bike. I can smell Burning Man 2014 and self-entitled cries of "Share the road!" bellowing through major downtown arterials all over this thing. Case in point:

  • The listing personifies the dinosaur skeleton, which I'd like to point out would be dead even if it weren't made entirely of chromoly steel and foam, as "she." More specifically, its name is Sue.
  • Apparently Sue the T-Rex has "consented" to be harnessed and ridden. Now here's where I would throw in a line about selling "her" because she's been ridden hard and put away wet one too many times, but again: Portlandia. Where life's toughest problems are solved by fingering crystals and the power of open-mindedness and tattoos unite citizens in the fight against gluten. I'm sure Sue was raised free-roaming and grass-fed (despite being a carnivore) before someone jammed a saddle up her crotch.
  • The dino's pitch concludes by saying the bike needs an owner "who likes being the center of attention...and likes inspiring joy and wonder in the faces of children." Its creator is "just a quiet engineer and bicycle fabricator" who is not "interested in celebrity." Free to a good home then? Not quite. What T-Rex on wheels also needs, and what the humble Inventor is interested in: $2,000.

In all fairness, "Sue" took many months to craft from a pile of stuff to the 12' long, 8.5' tall piece of work you see before you. The bike it's mounted to is actually a recumbent tricycle with a 9-speed wide-range drivetrain, comfortable enough for cruising at around 7mph, but a little unwieldy to maneuver. The seat sits 5' off the ground.

Once mounted, the rideable T-Rex further regales onlookers (i.e., inspires joy and wonder in the faces of children) with its marionette head that turns side-to-side and opens/closes its jaw. Arms are also independently moveable.

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