The PistachiOpener

Posted: July 23, 2016
The PistachiOpener
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Munching on pistachios is my jam. Cracking open the shells, watching them pile up into a mountain of accomplished noshing. It's a fine way to spend a Saturday afternoon. But doing it can really leave an impression. A sharp one. Right in the middle of my thumbs. WTF, pistachio shells? Why do some of you open easy as the legs of a harlot while others stay shut tighter than a nun's chuff?

The PistachiOpener doesn't have an answer, but it does have a solution. A tweezer-like tool with a "splitting wedge" at the end, the PistachiOpener says it will grant access to every single green man whose coat of armor has even the slightest crack.

The nut lover's cohort is made of stainless steel and manufactured in Seattle, WA, home of its creator. A dentist. Fitting, huh? A man who's not only likely seen his fair share of teeth cracked trying to open pistachio shells, but also one who's used corrective implements (of torture) that look very similar to the PistachiOpener to fix them.

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