The iFlask

Posted: October 24, 2012
The iFlask
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Smokers, you've got your iStash. Drinkers, it's time to get your vice's piece of incognito Apple paraphernalia. In its ubiquitous and thereby discreet glory, the iPhone serves as the facade of subterfuge once again with the iFlask. A polyethylene and polycarbonate liquor cradle disguised as a piece of Steve Jobs technological genius, the iFlask was born out of necessity. Necessity to eliminate the costs and occasional parental outrage associated with open container tickets. Necessity to eliminate the tedium of long lines. Necessity to flip the bird at the capitalistic drive to overcharge for booze at sporting events and concerts. Necessity felt poignantly by iFlask creators Dan Novaes and Ethan Hou.

iFlasks hold up to 5 ounces, or 5 shots, of alcohol within their smooth, sturdy, nontoxic walls. A sliding bar on top opens and closes the container, and maintains the liquid seal when the pseudo-phones are stored in back pockets, purses, and, during particularly covert missions, against ears. On the back of the flask, instead of a battery that drains and dies every 4 to 6 hours, the guys have installed a stainless steel bottle opener to facilitate the enjoyment of chasers and mixed drinks.

iFlasks seem to target the (21+, of course) college crowd, which tends to be the most universally busted, broke, stressed, and desperate of all demographics, and therefore most obviously in need of an inconspicuous purveyor of drunkenness. However, I could probably make good use of one too, and I never even went to college. (No, not because I'm idiot. Because I was born brilliant. Like Doogie Howser times ten. And Chuck Norris if science were able to convert pounds bench pressed into IQ points.)

In addition to games and concerts, the iFlask makes for a good companion at:

  • Festivals
  • Raves
  • House parties that require a surefire conversation starter
  • Dry weddings (i.e., those held by Mormons and cheap fathers of the bride)
  • ER waiting areas

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