Dude's Must See Products for August 2020
Dude's must see products for August 2020 are a stealth pod rolling on top of inflatable clawgs to pluck 100,000 lumens out of the Goonies' masturbatory aids.
Yep, that's right. Enjoy.
Note: products are priced as they were at printing. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
STEALTH Core Trainer - Core & Full Body Gaming Workout
STEALTH is a portable piece of fitness equipment designed to incorporate fun, or at least a level of distraction that will help you forget about the misery, into your workout. Though it's called a Core Trainer, STEALTH makers say you can get a dynamic full body workout while using the device, and strengthen your core and back in under 3 minutes a day.
Of course, those 3 minutes are going to be spent in the dreaded plank position, whose difficulty will be enhanced by STEALTH's 360-degree mobility. The padded STEALTH planking platform is mounted on its flat disc-like base with a "fluidity sphere" that allows the platform to tilt in all directions, as well as make circular motions. This is what you'll be doing during STEALTH video game play, becoming a human controller (with abs on fire!) trying to shoot down targets, dodge attacks, and complete challenges.
Running Behind Condiment Bottle Topper
I couldn't decide whether to call this condiment bottle topper of a dude having explosive diarrhea of your chosen condiment "Running from Behind," "Runs from Behind," "Poocasso," or "Ass Blaster." In fact, his name is Sir Perky. I know that doesn't really fit the full moon and #2 on steroids view you're getting above, but let me give you some context.
Sir Perky is a major exhibitionist, and began his career showing off his other side, in the form of household goods such as Sir Perk Bottle Openers and Sir Perky Corkscrews. I don't know if I'd call Sir Perky post-chili eating contest my favorite version of the dude, but he's definitely the one in the novelty gift line that elicits the most visceral reaction from me. Especially that shot of him shitting out a wet pile of grainy mustard. Brings back a lot of memories from my first trip to Tijuana.
Anthenea Solar-Powered Floating Pod Suite
The Anthenea, now that's what I call an apodment. This luxe floating suite is a solar-powered, eco-friendly retreat for the very rich, and oceanfront hotels and resorts serving the very rich.
The pod (or UFO, if you prefer) shaped Anthenea uses 5 giant solar panels on its dome roof to power the 538-square-foot suite on eco-tours and escapes of up to 6 days. On board you'll find 3 different interior living spaces, along with an upper deck solarium with removable windshield that can accommodate up to 12 people. The lowest level features glass and polished concrete surfaces, the former offering a 360-degree panoramic underwater view, and a kitchenette. There's also a bedroom outfitted with, to fit the circular theme, an XL round bed and round overflow bathtub. You can have the tub filled with either fresh or seawater. A lounge area with curved sofa completes the suite interior.
The Factory Concrete Rolling Ball Kinetic Sculpture
The Factory, Material Immaterial Studio's latest concrete rolling ball kinetic sculpture, is a nod to Brutalist architecture, and our desire to own stuff we can fiddle with to spur creativity, or just take a mental break from work. And I must say, when it comes to desk toys, or household decor in general, The Factory is one of the coolest pieces I've seen in awhile.
While austere in both inspiration and composition, the concrete structure has so many points of interest molded into the stair-steps and spirals of its interior that I forget it's a replica of a cement or steel factory rather than a magical castle. And I can only imagine how once you let one of its 11 steel balls loose from the upper tower The Factory will really come to life.
E58: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It aids in what is an everyday activity for many of us; 2) You could say it's for anti-yogis - no bending, reaching, or twisting involved; 3) It steps in when you need to step in.
Draft Top Beer Can Opener
Cups. I thumb my nose at thee. No, make that my Draft Top. The Draft Top is a beer can opener that removes the entire top of aluminum beverage cans (sodie cans too). Because maybe you'd rather sip your brew than slurp it through that tiny tab hole. Maybe you want a Jack & Coke, and you have the Jack and you have the Coke, but no cup to mix them in. Or maybe your environmentally conscious self doesn't want to waste a cup. Or maybe your lazy self doesn't want to venture away from the couch and Sobro Cooler Coffee Table to get one.
So many complex reasons to use a Draft Top!
The 14 Best DIY Build Kits
I was going to call this roundup of the 14 best DIY build kits "America's Next Top Models," but I realized a lot of the finished products all you fine makers and builders are going to end up with aren't models at all, but real, working pieces of gear and tech.
And also, yeah, I figured Tyra Banks would send me a cease & desist letter.
So DIY kits it is. My collection includes some nifty gifts for kids, a few more complex builds for the experienced and wizened, and many DITogether options in between.
Clawgs - Dog Shoes That Allow Dogs to Use Their Claws
Clawgs, dog shoes - or rather dog sandals - don't surprise me in the least. For years now dog owners have thrived on making their pets look ridiculous under the guise of comfort and protection. Who remembers the Shed Defender dog onesie? How about Walkee Paws dog leggings? And now we have Clawgs, "paw-wear" that keeps dogs' claws exposed so they can continue using them even while strapped into their humiliating canine Tevas.
I'd call them Clawgs: Dad Shoes for Dogs.
The Goonies Monopoly
Fifty-dollar bills. Fifty-dollar bills! Guys! Hundreds of them! Fifty-dollar bills! Sorry, Data, the cash in The Goonies edition of Monopoly is fake, bogus, phony too. But. You'll still need to amass a healthy wad of it you're going to collect One Eyed Willy's treasure and save Brand and Mikey's parents from foreclosure.
Another collectible addition to the iconic, yet often never-ending and mind-numbingly boring, Monopoly franchise, The Goonies Monopoly brings the nostalgia of Astoria, OR, pirate maps, booby traps, Fratelli shenanigans, and the battle cries of "Never say die!" and "Heeeyyyy yooouuu Guuuyyysss!" to the game board.
Gablok DIY Wood Block House Kit
Gablok had a vision: a LEGO house that was life-size. Structurally sound. Insulated and livable. Up to code. And like the building bricks and blocks of our childhoods, constructed by our own hands.
The Gablok foundation...OK, figuratively speaking, since you'll need to provide your own foundation for your DIY house...is its insulated building blocks made of Oriented Strand Board (OSB) and Expanded Polystyrene (EPS). The blocks stack and secure together at their notches, yep, just like LEGOs.
Gablok house kits also come with an adapted floor system, insulated beams and lintels, and construction plans and instructions. In addition to the foundation, you'll provide your own roof to complete the structure of your new home. And then, of course, there's the plumbing, electrical, mechanical, and exterior and interior finishing work.
The PLUCK Nose Hair & Ear Hair Remover
This is what PLUCK has to say about PLUCK: "PLUCK is a new kind of nose and ear hair remover. It is the best of both worlds." The best of both worlds, huh? Any chance those worlds are the Acathla and Wolfram & Hart hell dimensions from the Buffyverse? Because PLUCK looks more like SEIZE & TEAR WITH A SIDE OF BLOODSHED to me.
Inflatable Sex Chair & Lounger
The title of this, er, piece of furniture in its Amazon listing is "SeiSooDai Chaise Lounge Indoor Chair Velvet Fabric, Modern Long Lounger for Office Or Living Room." But one look at the image, and all I see are: 1) a valve to inflate the chair; 2) the word "ZSEX" printed in large letters on its side; and 3) a (badly Photoshopped) lady in lingerie sitting on it. So, yeah, it's definitely an inflatable sex chair.
And lounger, if you'd like to use it to relax while clothed too.
E59: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's happy to be your blocker; 2) But it's gonna glom onto your buddy John; 3) It's a big fan of golden showers.
14 of the Most Creative Redesigns of Classic Products
Another title for this collection of 14 of the Most Creative Redesigns of Classic Products might be 14 Really Cool Things to Look At. Items range from household goods to watersports, with some serving simply as unique and fetching takes on their original products, while others improve upon the original's design or function.
A handful of these classics reimagined are still just concept products, existing as mockups or prototypes, but most have made it to market, and are ready for your shopping cart.
MS18 100,000 Lumen Flashlight
It's balls to the wall, all hands on deck, powers aligned, hail Mary, Care Bears Stare time! MS18, get your flash out here! Let's show 2020 the light. 100,000 lumens of light! Powerful enough to sear away darkness and illuminate hope as it blazes through even the bleakest of times. ... Or, you know, up to 135 unobstructed meters ahead.
The MS18 100,000 Lumen Flashlight is great for hiking, camping, caving, exploring, power outages and other emergencies, and telling all your friends you own the brightest flashlight on the market. For now, anyway. I'm betting an even brighter light will ignite in 2021.
Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)
The very best male masturbatory aids always have been and always will be porn - obviously - but recent developments in sex toy tech and gadgetry, and the fact that dating is even trickier during a pandemic than it is under normal circumstances has brought some new and exciting products to market that your hand alone is going to find very hard to beat.
Or, maybe better put, very easy to beat.