Posted: May 13, 2019
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What do you call The World's Worst, Weirdest, and Most Disturbing Drinks? Craptails. Complete with martini glass filled with a soft-serve swirl of poo. Clint Lanier and Derek Hembree endeavor to teach us "the art of crapology" in 200 cocktails. That is, two hundred of the nastiest, most vile, most direct blow to your gag reflex "drink" creations ever mixed. I'll bet some of them have semen in them. I feel like some have to have semen in them.

Let's find out.

Hmmm. Not seeing semen in the ingredient lists for the drinks included in the Craptails preview pages, but that's not to say it won't come up later. After all, there's a whole Semenology - The Semen Bartender's Handbook manual out there. What I am seeing is a couple cocktails that call for mayonnaise, and I think it's obvious what kind of substitution you could make there.

Primed for coffee table reading, Craptails features full-color images and ratings for every drink it breaks down. Some, according to the publishers, are rough enough that even their names shouldn't be spoken in certain company. Of the Craptails contents I've seen, I'll admit I wouldn't like to drink any of them, but one in particular gives me the queasy-jeebies just by its name and ingredients.

Dirty Panties: 1 oz. Silver tequila; 1 tsp grated Parmesan cheese. Pour tequila into shot glass, add cheese, serve. Ew.

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