Kitchen

Better Breader Batter Bowl

$24.99 Amazon »

Obviously I'm getting this Better Breader Batter Bowl as a gift for my mama so that I can shake up a few pieces of chicken, and then when we all sit down to eat it, turn to my raving Aunt Jan and say, "It's the Better...

Penis Charcuterie Board

$12.99 Amazon »

No one will be able to beat your meat, or resist your cheese, or help but grab your berries, when you arrange them atop the Penis Charcuterie Board. It's the best reference to genitalia I've seen in a serving tray since...

Microwave Ramen Cooker

$7.99 - $9.99 Amazon »

This Microwave Ramen Cooker is all that and a bag of shrimp chips. The complete and compact set starts with a big cylindrical soup bowl on the bottom, nestles a colander / draining bowl in the middle, and tops it off...

Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper

$7.81 Amazon »

This Cob Corn Stripper (not to be confused with a lady in a cornfield on a Hitch 'Er Up Stripper Pole) better work damn good, and without making a mess, because despite my rant last week about breaking up ground beef...

Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker

$46.73 Amazon »

The Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker is basically the creamy dairy treat version of the slushie maker I used every weekend at my grandma's house as a kid. But here, to accommodate the flash-freezing of your cream and...

Ceramic Butter Crock for Fresh, Spreadable Butter

$19.99 - $20.99 Amazon »

Ceramic butter crocks store your butter fresh without refrigeration, so you'll always have smooth and spreadable churned moo juice set right on your countertop...

Octopus Citrus Reamer

$11.95 - $14.95 Amazon »

Lemons and limes and oranges, beware the kraken! OTOTO's OCTO octopus citrus reamer further drives, drills, and burrows home the design studio's creativity when it comes to reimagining beloved plants, animals, and mythical...

FryAway Cooking Oil Solidifier for Safe & Easy Disposal

$7.64 - $11.39 Amazon »

I learned a new word today. OK, two new words. "FryAway" is the first, I guess, though it's the brand name for a cooking oil solidifier that makes disposing of oil used to pan and deep fry easier and safer for the cook...

Shark Sushi Plate

$23.99 - $24.79 Amazon »

Dunk a piece of your Caterpillar Roll in this sushi plate's wasabi & soy sauce reservoir and you might not get it back. Might be the last you see of your chopsticks...and your fingers...too...

Bacon Grease Storage Container

$26.99 Amazon »

Hate to waste all that bacon grease after cooking up a slab of thick-cut applewood smoked strips. That's good stuff. It really beefs (porks?) up my fried eggs. And my chicken & waffles smoothies. But when there's too...

Stuffler Stuffed Waffle Maker

$42.49 Amazon »

Holy Shmi, mother of Vader! I just watched a man stuff his waffle with fried chicken. Built-in chicken & waffles! Made possible by this smoky black feat of deep-dish aluminum and 3D honeycomb, the Stuffler Stuffed Waffle...

Acacia Wood Steak Plate

$20.99 - $24.64 Amazon »

I never would have thought steak and tree bark would be such a mouthwatering pairing, but this Acacia Wood Steak Plate has me drooling for a NY strip laid across my own personal cutting board...

Stovetop Korean BBQ Grill Pan

$31.99 - $39.99 Amazon »

If you haven't had or don't know what Korean BBQ is, click here for a thousand words. Typically, a Korean BBQ is a tabletop-sized gas or charcoal grill that diners use to cook their favorite cuts of delicious, delicious...

Heat-Resistant Oven Rack Guards

$6.60 - $9.49 Amazon »

Sonofa-- [Insert long, loud string of expletives here.] How many times have I thought I'd just poke my pan of Bagel Bites a little farther back after sticking them in the oven? How many times have I been too lazy to pull...

Diatomaceous Earth Dish Drying Pad

$28.90 Amazon »

Diatomaceous Earth Dish Drying Pad...no, wait, take out the "Earth." Diatomaceous Dish Drying Pad - say it 5 times fast. I'll hold while you look up how to pronounce "diatomaceous" like I did...

Over-the-Sink Dish Drying Rack

$74.99 - $79.99 Amazon »

This over-the-sink dish drying rack is a 3-tier space saver with a side of storage and organization. A real multi-tasker that does it all with poise and elegance. Sound like any maternal figure you might know? One who's...

The Nessie Family Kitchen Utensils

$29.95 Amazon »

The whole fam Nessie damily would like to take a swim in your kitchen brews and stews. Papa the colander spoon in your cooked pasta. Mama the ladle in your tomato soup and passion fruit punch. And Baby Nessie in your...

Dreamfarm Flegg Egg Flipper

$17.99 Amazon »

I once got an egg from a friend of a friend who raised chickens in his yard. I cracked it to cook it, and there was a bunch of blood inside. That sucked. But with the Dreamfarm Set of 2 Flegg Flip & Serve Egg Rings, even...

Xbox Series S Toaster

$39.99 Wal-Mart »

The PS5 might have been the gift to get for Christmas 2023, but those who have real bread in 2024 are buying the Xbox Series S...Toaster...

Moccamaster KBGV Select Coffee Maker

$345 - $379 Amazon »

Moccamaster's KBGV Select Coffee Maker is able to brew both a half and a full carafe of coffee to the Golden Cup Standard established by the Specialty Coffee Association. Wow! That means...nothing to me...

Pelamatic Robito Almendra Electric Nut Cracker

$199.99 Amazon »

This is exactly what I need, Pelamatic. A Robito Almendra Electric Nut Cracker to pair with my She-Ra: Princess of Power and Mama Human Ball Busters. So when my sore, butt-hurt junk is recovering in my Testicuzzi, I'll...

Croc Chop Vegetable Chopper & Slicer

$39.95 OTOTO »

I don't doubt the Croc Chop's ability to chop and slice your fruits and vegetables with Michelin-chef-level speed and precision. However, I do question your ability to get any freshly diced onion or spiralized zucchini...

Musui Kamado Cast Iron Pot & Induction Cooker

$670 Vermicular »

Well, the Musui Kamado will certainly be the coolest sounding kitchen gadget you own. Whether this combination cast iron pot and induction cooker will live up to its name - and $670 price tag - is something this dude...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Shredder Cheese Grater

$24.99 Amazon »

Graters are typically safer than knives for turning blocks of cheese into shreds, but the Shredder Cheese Grater? I, for one, wouldn't let anyone but a true Ninja Turtle turn my 8-ounce block of cheddar into 2 cups of...