Texas Toothpick

Posted: December 10, 2019
Texas Toothpick
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Texas Toothpick is a euphemism for this 2-pronged S-curve's true nature and intent. I almost selected it as the next edition of What Is This Thing? but decided its application isn't discrete or practical enough to make it a fair pick. But still, you're probably wondering, "Uh, what is this thing?"

Those from the South might recognize it, and its Texas Toothpick name, but for everyone else, this is an authentic (and sterilized) penile bone from a large American raccoon. It is roughly 5" long. Compared to the size of the raccoon itself - and remember this is just the bone, not the whole boner - that's pretty rockstar. Or rather, porn star.

So what do you want with a big ol' raccoon dick? Good fortune in the game of love, and a stellar performance at the big DNA dance; Texas Toothpicks are love and male enhancement charms. According to the listing, in some parts of the South young suitors tie a red ribbon around a Texas Toothpick and present it to a potential mate as a sign of their affection. Another belief is that raccoon penile bones enhance masculinity and sexy time prowess.

Some dudes even ingest their Texas Toothpicks, grinding up the bone and mixing it into drinks or smoothies. Welp. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get someone to do you.

And I guess that's also why sellers stress their Texas Toothpicks are sold sterilized.

If you, or maybe a dude you know, are struggling in the love / sexy time department, Texas Toothpicks are sized just about perfect for a stocking stuffer, and are ready to shove the turkeys aside to become the new preferred wish bone of the season.

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