Freedom Flask Liquor Bladder

Posted: July 19, 2012
Freedom Flask Liquor Bladder
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Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed to behind the backs of those who would make them stop. Easily concealed under clothes as a belted pouch, the Freedom Flask holds up to 32 ounces of your favorite booze, which it covertly distributes through an open fly via its extendable hose and nozzle. Men, not only is it now possible to have two pants snakes, but it's possible for both to inspire equal and unmitigated displays of awe and reverence from those lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them. Ladies, say goodbye to your sobriety and better judgment. (Or wear a Freedom Flask yourself across the chesticular region, and garner some extra attention of your own!)

Freedom Flasks make trusty companions at overpiced or liquor-verboten:

  • Sporting events
  • Concerts and festivals
  • Bars and clubs
  • Golf courses
  • Movie theaters
  • Ski slopes
  • Office cubicles
  • Sunday services

Attached to each bladder is a 42-inch adjustable belt with secure-lock buckle. Flasks themselves are guaranteed leakproof, and made with safe, medical-grade materials in, naturally, none other than the US of A. Flask masters assure us carrying Freedom 'round the gut line is comfortable, and will pay for itself after a single use. Our one concern--well, aside from getting ejected from the Bieber concert we paid $150 a ticket for--is drinking beer at body temperature. Under a shirt, nestled up against our midsections, there's really no hope of pseudo-pissing out a cold one. Probably best to stick with hard alcohol flask fillers, and shoot directly into ice.

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