Fitness

Penis Weight Set

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All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real...

Conquer Adjustable Height Cycling Trainer Desk

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Adjustable height cycling trainer desk? Looks more like an adjustable height cycling trainer airplane tray table. But for the cyclists I know who are serious about turning their road bikes into stationary bikes so they...

Canadian Spa Company 16' St. Lawrence Swim Spa

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Canadian Spa Company's 16' St. Lawrence Swim Spa is large enough to fit 17 people, but ain't no way that's happening anytime soon. Of course, neither is a thrice-weekly lap swim at the gym. Or an early-bird water workout...

Dimok Aqua Bag - Workout Sandbag Filled with Water

$74.95 Amazon »

Even when we are allowed outdoors again the Dimok Aqua Bag, a sandbag-style fitness tool you fill with water instead, seems like a fitness companion you might want to keep in your back pocket. First, when not filled the...

Bodyweight Exercise Cards

$19.99 Amazon »

Even if you don't have a lot of workout space in your home, I'll be you have room for these 2 things: a deck of cards; and your body. Bodyweight Exercise Cards invite you to hit the deck with mix-and-match fitness sessions...

Sling Shot Original - Weightlifting Strength Band

$62.70 Amazon »

The Sling Shot Original is kind of a weightlifting spotter and trainer in one. The kind that helps you bench 10% to 15% more than you normally would. The kind that stabilizes your form and reinforces proper technique...

Bello Digital Belly Fat Scanner

$189 Bello »

It's called Bello. Because the portable device is a belly fat scanner and "decoder." And also because that's probably what you're going to do when you see its results, and read what it has to say about all that damning...

Gronk Fitness Inertia Wave Workout Ropes

$119.95 Amazon »

I actually like Rob Gronkowski, and since the whole Gronkowski family has already been running the Gronk Fitness business for years, I don't mind that he's focusing his post-NFL-retirement time on trying to sell me shit...

Birt Plate Strength System

$30 - $200 Birt Strength Systems »

When Ryan Birt created the Birt Plate Strength System, injury was the mother of his invention. A college wrestling champion and football player, Birt injured his elbow in a football game, and found he couldn't lift a...

AFIXT Magnetic Water Bottle Holder

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While the world is full of cup holders and flat surfaces, there are still times, especially at the gym, when you've got nowhere decent to store your water bottle. Or else you've found a great spot, but it's way over there...

Gaiam Balance Disc - Wobble Cushion for Your Desk Chair

$21.98 Amazon »

Time to start sweatin' your New Year's resolutions. The Gaiam Balance Disc is mostly a wobble cushion for your desk chair, but also partly an accessory for core strength and balance exercises out of your chair. It's a...

Beurer Infrared Heat Lamp for Pain Management & Relief

$79.99 Amazon »

For once, seeing red can take you to a happy place. The Beurer Infrared Heat Lamp provides Red Light Therapy you can direct towards various angry body parts to ease colds, muscle tension and soreness, and aches and pains...

CubeFit Pulse Vibrating Foam Roller

$89.99 Amazon »

Bzzzzt! No, it's not your phone vibrating. Nope, it's not the other kind of vibrating gadget in your household either. This is the CubeFit Pulse Vibrating Foam Roller. It has no messages for you, no push notifications...

Acumobility Ultimate Back Roller

$64.95 Amazon »

The Acumobility Ultimate Back Roller is a somewhat intimidating bumpy wheel designed to release tension in the back, and reverse the unhealthy flexed, restricted state the spine tends to fall into from poor posture and...

The Friendly Swede Zipper Sweatband

$12.99 Amazon »

Zippered sweatbands, just another friendly gesture from your Friendly Swede. These sweat-catching wrist and ankle elastics come in sets of two, each with a lined pouch for storing keys, bills, credit cards, or even your...

Coros PACE GPS Multi-Sport Smartwatch

$199.99 Amazon »

The PACE GPS Multi-Sport Smartwatch from Coros is for all you go-getter athletes and triathletes, heptathletes and decathletes, and Netflix binge watchers who want to know what kind of altitude and heart rate change you...

Phone Storage Water Bottle

$44.99 Amazon »

If your workout allows for carrying or keeping a water bottle nearby, I'm sure it also allows for a separate place to stash your phone and other personal items. But if you can combine the two, and keep everything together...

ClimbStation Climbing Wall Treadmill

Uh, is the ClimbStation climbing wall treadmill a sporting good or a nightmare? A fun way to stay fit and simulate rock climbing indoors, or the conveyor belt of vertical horror in the REM sleep I can't wake up from?...

EMS Butt Toner & Hip Trainer

$23.90 Amazon »

I smell a ssssssnake. In oil form. Please don't buy an EMS butt toner and hip trainer with the expectation that it's going to give you an ass like the lade in the above image. Actually, don't buy an EMS (that's electrical...

Tracer360 Illuminated & Reflective Vest

$59.95 Amazon »

Ride safely, and rave brightly, my friends. The Tracer360 is an athletic vest designed to provide 360-degree illumination, reflectivity, and fluorescence. It has 6 user-controlled solid LED colors - red, blue, purple...

Chair Gym - The Total Body Workout

$144.95 Amazon »

Oh boy, Dad, this one's for you. The Chair Gym appears to express no irony in calling itself an all-in-on total body workout system that's "great for all fitness levels." I would add, particularly the fitness levels who...

WalkingPad Slim, Folding Treadmill

$499 Amazon »

Flat white, flat iron steak, flat earth, flat treadmill. Hooray for flat! And the WalkingPad treadmill's slim design isn't even the coolest thing about it. This piece of home (or office) gym equipment is also foldable...

My Pen is Huge Golf Towel

$24.95 Amazon »

You may have shot a 70 on the golf course last weekend, but, but my pen is huge! Look at your tiny little pencil d-...oodler next to my big fat co-...lor scribbler...

EdgeCross X Home & Portable Gym

$194.99 Amazon »

The EdgeCross X, a home and portable gym consisting of a handled barbell, balance wheel, and resistance bands, says it can provide a total body workout that will rip you like an Olympic athlete in just 10 minutes per...