Wild Footwear: 10 Fun & Funky Animal Shoes
Actually, what I should say about this wild footwear is that the roundup contains 9 fun and funky animal shoes, and one pair of spooky and possibly sadistic animal boots. Scroll on down to number 10 to see what I mean.
Or, if you're easily disturbed, stop at the Care Bears Grin & Share It High Heels.
Note: All animal shoes are priced as they were at printing on August 9, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
The name checks out. Wear these Frog Clogs as slippers, beer run slip-ons, or gardening shoes. But if you choose the latter, be aware your feet may end up crowned Toad King and Queen by a local colony, humped by horny amphibians who think they've hit the jackpot, or eaten by a Canadian Goose.
Oooh, lobster sandals to match my sunburn, and everyone's favorite thing to say when I get a sunburn: "Dude's red as a lobster."
Which leads to my favorite thing to say in response: Under the sea! Under the sea! / Darling it's better, down where it's wetter / Take it from me!
Eames x Reebok Classic Leather Shoes
Anyone gonna talk about the elephants in the room? More specifically, the elephants on your feet? The Eames Elephant is just one style of Reebok's Classic Leather Shoe collaboration with the iconic design house, but I'd say, like any elephant anywhere, it is the most standout.
The Eames Elephant was originally an haute-design toy and stool for the kiddos, but here it becomes a decorative flap covering the leather sneakers' laces. The bold Vector Red, Cool Aloe, and Seaside Grey colors give the Eames Elephants even more of a bump in their showmanship.
Monty Python Killer Rabbit Slippers
Beware ye who enter the Cave of Caerbannog without backup in the form of cozy, yet stylish, footwear. Officially licensed by Monty Python - with a snarl-and-sap of approval from the Killer Rabbit himself - these snaggletoothed homicidal bunny slippers have a vicious streak a mile wide and a plush belly 98.6 degrees warm.
Care Bears Grin & Share It High Heels
You'd certainly get a Care Bears Stare or two wearing these Care Bears Grin & Share It High Heels from flamboyant footwear brand Irregular Choice.
The Grin & Share It High Heels are part of a whole line of Care Bears shoes, stockings, and accessories made to bring levity and smiles to the world at a time we could all stand to "turn that frown upside down." The furry toe of the right shoe features Grumpy Bear's face and the left Good Luck Bear. The heels are shaped by Tenderheart Bear and Cheer Bear respectively.
Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals
Shark Week may delight you only one week a year, but these versatile Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals will bring joy throughout all 52 of them. Wear the unisex sandals to the beach or pool during the summer months, and then get toothy - plus waterproof and anti-slip - at the gym or spa the rest of the year.
Archaix Laboratories made a big claim. According to the Brooklyn-based company, in 2015 had "finally found a solution to the problem that has plagued modern society: the lack of wearable dinosaurs." And appropriately, their answer stampeded forth in footwear form. Kids, cosplayers, humans with a sense of humor, meet Tricera Hi-Tops.
These shoes pretty much make my day every time I see them. What other sneaks out there encompass hilarity and radness on all major counts? Concept. Name. Execution. Incorporation of horns. Tricera Hi-Tops had it all.
Razer Sneki Snek Slippers
Fans of Razer's Sneki Snek will ssssscream for the tech brand's new Sneki Snek Slippers. So too might non-gamers who just really like snakes, or even evil ducks, since that's what the slippers iteration of Sneki Snek look more like to me.
Largemouth Bass Sandals
Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and Chewies.
The plasticky-looking house shoes are made of EVA material, which its makers say is very comfortable and helps "protect your feet against hurt." Sounds...fishy...to me, but there's no doubt these slippers will be a statement piece. Not to mention the perfect accessory for anyone dressing up as Largemouth Bass Feet for Halloween.
Demon Hooves Heel Less Boots
I guess I can kind of see now why some people are turned on by goats. Oonacat's Demon Hooves, a pair of spiked, knee-high boots with cloven foot pads in place of typical toes and heels are pretty sick. I mean in the good way, not in the goat-sodomizing way.
To get the hooves' full effect, and for proof that A) it is possible to move in them without toppling over and B) women deserve a medal made of Leprechaun gold, plus an 8lb bag of Lucky Charms marshmallows for the shit they go through to look hot, check out the video of Oonacat rockin' her living room hallway in them.