Presenting the Alphabet: 24 Gifts that Start with D
Dude. We're at the Ds. And I know what you're thinking: is this one gonna be an all-Lebowski gift guide? 24 gifts about rugs and White Russians and abiding that have "Dude" before them?
Well, I certainly considered that, but no. I also considered you dudes, and therefore included only one Dude-themed product in my double-dozen-strong D roundup. Surprisingly, there is also only one dick product. ... OK, maybe two.
Note: All alphabet gifts are priced as they were at printing on October 27, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Death Star Popcorn Popper
Luke, if you want popcorn with your Netflix & Chill, better go ahead and let this Death Star do the thing it was made for. In a strange twist on deadly weapons, the Death Star Popcorn Popper is here to do good, transforming the tooth-breaking choking hazards that are corn kernels into delightfully light, salty, buttery puffs of popcorn.
Dangerous Experiments for After Dinner
Dangerous Experiments for After Dinner: 21 Daredevil Tricks to Impress Your Guests could be the party gift of the season. From sabering a bottle of Champagne to hanging a pear on a string over 2 criss-crossed knives, and then cutting the string to quarter the pear (?!) this daredevil deck of stuff to do besides talk about religion and politics is sure to be a big hit at your next gathering.
It also might make a colossal mess, destroy the porcelain spaniel figurine your wife's grandma gave her, and put someone's eye, but hey. Most of the best parties do.
Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat
I'd call the Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat the ultimate Dad joke, but Dad would never be so rude to a visitor. And Dad would never wish a visitor to go away, even salespeople, and Mormons who want to teach him about Joseph Smith, and especially his daughter Kayleigh's date Tucker. Or maybe he'd be unable to resist the welcome mat's brilliant humor, but answer the door, "Don't stop. Be leaving? No! Don't stop, be comin' on inside!"
Duex Pro Portable Monitor
The Duex Pro portable monitor can almost double the size of your laptop screen. Know what that means? You're gonna need a bigger lap.
A 12.5" modular monitor, the Duex Pro can attach to almost any laptop, Mac and PC alike, as well as many phones and gaming consoles. In addition to blowing up the size of your screen with a full HD 1920 x 1080 display, the Duex Pro can also split it to facilitate multi-tasking through different programs, apps, and activities. It has a 180-degree presentation mode option, plus can rotate up to 270 degrees for more dynamic use, especially between multiple people who prefer not to sit on top of one another.
Drill Brush Power Scrubber Cleaning Kit
Like your drill enough to use it to power scrub your toilet and shower tile? The Drill Brush cleaning kit includes a trio of brushes you might recognize from under the sink and next to the john, but instead of plastic handles on their nylon-bristled ends, Drill Brushes have quick-change shafts. Sized 1/4" and ready to pop into the cordless drill you already own.
Daggerfish Handreels for Backpack Fishing
Fishing. Now that's another skill I don't have and would...not be inclined to learn. Don't get me wrong, these Daggerfish Handreels for backpack fishing look like great designs, and will definitely keep an angler's trekking load light, plus fit neatly into preppers' survival kits. I'm not knocking or downplaying them in any way. It's just, looking at a nifty handcrafted fishing kit that combines a rod, reel, and tackle box into a 6" tube with a coupla corks on the ends reminds me I have no clue how to use it.
Duct Tape Engineer
Not sure knowing your way around a roll of duct tape will get you a job at NASA, but if you pair it with Duct Tape Engineer the knowledge could score you a sweet backpack. Or a whole entire kayak. That floats.
To find out for sure, check out Lance Akiyama's step-by-step instructions in Duct Tape Engineer - the book of Big, Bigger, and Epic Duct Tape Projects. Akiyama, who also wrote Rubber Band Engineer, goes beyond belts and bracelets in his adhesive adventures, compiling how-tos for 14 duct tape projects with legit functional uses. In addition to bags and boats, you can make a toolbox, a catapult, a geodesic dome, or even a queen bed frame.
Dry Erase Whiteboard Wall Paint
From coloring book-style wallpaper to this blood bath, we've seen a lot of ways to spruce up your walls with a personal touch. This bottle of Dry Erase Paint offers yet another outlet for creativity, but this time with a side of brainstorming, and magic markers that take the whiteboard back to white when you have new ideas, or realize Gavin F'ing Belson owns the patent for the one you're working on.
Duck with a D*ck
Rubber Ducky, you're the one / you make bathtime so much...yeeearrrggghh! WTF was that, Rubber Ducky? This is bathtime, not hey diddle, diddle, duck in my bunghole time! A duck with a dick?! Do ducks even have dicks?! Hold please.
According to the internet, yes indeedy they do. And, believe it or not, they look even more wack than the human male penis this Duck with a Dick has dangling from his undercarriage. They look like an earthworm. A long one. A disturbingly long earthworm. In fact, while I'm sure this sunny yellow Duck with a Dick is intended as a prank or gag gift for your most deserving recipient, I think if you really want to make them gag, a photograph of a real duck and his dick would serve your purposes much, much better.
The Dude's Rug Cutting Board
Obviously, The Dude's Rug cutting board will really tie your kitchen together. And beyond that, this slab of cherry covered in a Persian rug motif is truly a sight to behold.
Dave Stencil of Cutting Boredom laser etches the trademark Lebowski pattern onto the board's surface in your choice of 2 sizes, 7.5" x 13" x 3/4" or 9" x 15" x 1". The board is an edge grain cherry, which Stencil describes as the "better" quality of 3 types of cutting boards, in terms of wear and knife treatment (flat grain = good; edge grain = better; end grain = best). He went with edge grain because it provides the most consistent background such a detailed image of such splendor. Dude approved across, as it were, the board.
Draft Top Beer Can Opener
Cups. I thumb my nose at thee. No, make that my Draft Top. The Draft Top is a beer can opener that removes the entire top of aluminum beverage cans (sodie cans too). Because maybe you'd rather sip your brew than slurp it through that tiny tab hole. Maybe you want a Jack & Coke, and you have the Jack and you have the Coke, but no cup to mix them in. Or maybe your environmentally conscious self doesn't want to waste a cup. Or maybe your lazy self doesn't want to venture away from the couch and Sobro Cooler Coffee Table to get one.
So many complex reasons to use a Draft Top!
Dozuki Z Saw
Seeing Dozuki's "Z" Saw reminds me this dude Franz I used to know always called me "Big Z." I asked him why once, but he pretended he didn't hear the question. I think it's pretty clear now though that there's a new Big Z in town. One with a rigid back, bamboo-wrapped handles, and removable / replaceable high carbon steel blades Dozuki says makes for the smoothest cutting saw you'll ever manhandle. The Big Z is also allegedly the best selling saw in Japan, if Eastern carpentry and construction preferences are your scale's tipping point.
Dungeons & Dragons Clue
Dungeons & Dragons Clue, that seems appropriate. No joke, it really does. An obvious marriage, really, not one of these Montague-Capulet mergers that rains death and mayhem upon both families. Though I guess the very natures of both Clue and Dungeons & Dragons revolve around death and mayhem, so...kind of a misguided analogy. My point is, the combination of a strategic problem-solving board game and a strategic fantasy role-playing game makes sense. Unlike Twister Clue, wherein players bend and contort into various compromising positions on a series of colored dots and, once in place, one player receives a concussion or a ruptured disk, and the others proceed to determine on what color dot the injury occurred, and whether it was instigated by a stray hand, foot, elbow, or personal lack of balance and/or flexibility.
Dehydrated Water: it's just like a cup of Ramen, only without the Ramen! This can of premium water is all natural and contains no artificial colors, flavors, GMOs, antibiotics, or weird, unpronounceable ingredients. And as long as the water you add to the Dehydrated Water to make it potable doesn't either, the cool and refreshing resultant 16-ounce drink will be the perfect cup o' hydration.
Dumpsty Steel Desktop Dumpster
A Dumpsty Dumpster is a real steel desktop-sized dumpster for you to throw all the shit you get from your boss / wife / mama in. It even comes with authentic dumpster warning sign magnets and 2 rubber lids in your choice of 7 colors.
Dumpsty creator David makes detailed scaled models out of metal. All replicas aim to precisely recreate the original in a downsized version. The dumpsters measure around 11" across, and so make good fits for storing magazines, studio supplies, and things that start with "wee." Like...uh...a wee little lucky leprechaun.
Dirty Pop Adult Pop Up Greeting Cards
Hey, look at that. Dick and Titsy are about to pop up out of their...greeting cards? In what is surely the best use of the term since the days of *NSYNC, Dirty Pop has beat off and busted out a line of penis and boobies and butts and birds adult pop-up cards. And I'm not talkin' flowering penis coffee mug cutesy adult, I'm talking Jizz the Game gleefully crass adult.
Don't F*ck Up the Table Coasters
No reason to mince words when it comes to protecting the 300-pound cherry wood table you just bought off Craigslist. Don't fuck up the table, Cornelius! It's a fine piece of furniture that deserves better than a surface full of rings and discoloration from your sweaty Orange Fantas and Midori Sours!
Also, if She-Ra: Princess of Power gets home and sees your glass sitting there without a coaster she'll bitch me out the rest of the night, and then refuse to make me a treat of pumpkin spice jack-o-lantern cupcakes with candy corn facial features for Halloween.
Defender Rings - Stylish Self-Defense Rings for Women
While pretty in their pearl and flower styles, Defender Rings carry a deeper purpose under their surface. Figuratively and literally. The self defense rings for women have baubles on top that unscrew to reveal a sharp hidden blade mounted below. During an assault, the Defender Ring's deeper purpose is to go deeper.
Deeper enough to tear through human skin, slash at nerves and blood vessels, and maybe even cut to muscle and bone.
Interactive Deadpool's Head
Two things stand out to me in the description provided for the Marvel Legends Deadpool's Head release: 1) "with over 600 SFX and phrases"; and 2) "Adult."
In other words, Deadpool's interactive, app-enhanced severed superhero dome is packed with nearly as much personality as his entire body, and none of it is suitable for people under 18. This is gonna be good.
Like a testicle with teeth good.
Death Wish Coffee - Pumpkin Spice Edition
It's pumpkin spice on crack! No, not really. Just a whole helluva lot of caffeine. Pumpkin Spice Death Wish Coffee is the Death Wish brand's fall-appropriate seasonal offering, an effort to appeal to both the pumpkin-spice-obsessed and the sluggish, sleep-deprived masses. Like the original Death Wish Coffee, this edition is packed with twice the caffeine as your normal brewable beans, but also contains an infusion of the company's homemade aged chai spice and pumpkin essential oil blend. So it's kind of like Death Wish meets your warm and comforting Fairy Godmother.
Ever wondered what it might be like to have webbed fingers? Wonder no longer. These durable latex rubber gloves will have you flying by other frogs in the water. Perfect for SCUBA diving, swimming, surfing, and even jumping out of a plane.
Oh, nope, just read the packaging. Probably not suitable for jumping out of a plane.
Darth Vader Rubber Floor Mats
Heh, heh, Vader, I'm gonna step on your face. Make you lick my boots. Defile your image with mud and, if we're both unlucky, dog shit. Rub...hey, wait. I like Darth Vader. He repented in the end like a good Catholic, so why does he have to be the floor mat? A stormtrooper would be the more logical choice given the ease with which their uniforms lend themselves to rubber adaptations.
Destruct Hard Drive Data Eraser
Sometimes we clamor to get an external hard drive to protect our data, while other times we seek out a Destruct to erase it. Oh the dichotomies of life.
The Destruct is a simple and inexpensive hard drive data eraser from Lovell. Designed like a USB key, the Destruct promises to do for your PC what the factory reset process cannot: truly wipe your hard drive's data so that it cannot be recovered. For anyone looking to sell, recycle, or give an old computer as a gift to your mom, the data erasure process is a must to ensure no one can get ahold of your personal documents and files on the sly. And also to ensure your mama doesn't discover what kind of porn you like.
Deaf Leopard Train Horn Gun
It's not surprising that the Deaf Leopard train horn gun can put the power and sound of a choo choo in our hands. I mean, if they can turn forearm muscles into remote control guns with an armband and find the Higgs boson and make the Kardashian family some of the most famous people in the world, why wouldn't they be able to give idiots a 4-barrel, CO2-powered, 130dB hand-held horn that will most likely cause them and those around them permanent hearing damage at the high school football game, or passed-out-drunk frat brother's bedroom, where they'll use it?