Presenting the Alphabet: 23 Gifts that Start with S
Suffering succotash! It's sexy time! Well...at least the first letter of sexy time. We've reached the gifts that start with the letter S. So for those of you who, like myself, aren't getting lucky with a partner at the moment, maybe you'll get lucky with a Sword House Key, a Screwpop Hit Kit, a Star Wars Rug, a Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug, or a Strong Man Ring Holder instead. (Er, literally not recommended with that last one.)
And for those who are getting lucky with sexy time right now, much respect and kudos to you. You're as good at multi-tasking as the Snactiv snacking chopsticks.
Note: All alphabet gifts are priced as they were at printing on December 29, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Sweet Treat Spinning Ice Cream Cone Sex Toy
My wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, loooooves ice cream cones. Especially swirly soft-serve ice cream cones. And especially ice cream cones that look like Satisfyer's Sweet Treat, because this ice cream cone isn't so much an ice cream cone as it is an O-ce cream cone. A spinning sex toy for the ladies.
Strong Arm Maneki-Neko Good Luck Cat
What does this Maneki-Neko lucky cat statue with one extra-ripped arm - the waving arm, of course - say? Welcome to the gun show, of course. Either that or, Wait, I was supposed to take those injections in both arms? Or, I train with Rafael Nadal. Or, No luck? Maybe it's time to strong-arm the fates.
SandShark Super Sport Anchor for Beach & Shallow Water
The SandShark Super Sport Anchor does not believe in the pull-out method. Made specifically for beach and shallow water anchoring, the SandShark has a patent-pending design featuring collapsible handles that drill the anchor's screw auger down into the sand. Once set, the surrounding water holds down the sand to create a "suction" effect its makers say keeps the SandShark clamped down with zero chance of pulling out.
Sisyphus Kinetic Sand Art Tables
Bruce Shapiro's Sisyphus Kinetic Art Tables are side, end, and coffee tables whose glass tops reveal an ever-changing world of sand beneath them, occupied, acted upon, and altered by a small rolling metal ball. Shapiro calls the elaborate patterns the ball creates and erases a "playlist for the eyes."
Sisyphus Tables are powered by a two-motor robot named the Sisbot. The Sisbot sits underneath the table, and uses a magnet to guide the steel ball's motion through its layers of sand. The robot itself is WiFi-controlled, and the Sisyphus app gives table owners access to over 1,000 sand pattern "tracks" made and shared by Sisyphus users around the world.
Sword House Key
It's about time I had a Sword House Key, given the number of sword fights with locks I've had in my life. In fact, just two weeks ago I was testing out the lock and key on my new nightstand - yep the top drawer came with a lock and key! No more snooping mother-in-laws finding my stash or my lube and Paco's Taco Stroker! - and while it locked like a charm, when it came time to unlock it....
I thought short of a chainsaw, nothing would reunite me with my stash, my lube, and my Paco's Taco Stroker ever again.
Soul Seat Cross-Legged Chairs
The Soul Seat is for those of you who long to sit cross-legged at your desk. Or in a half-kneeling position. Or with one leg tucked underneath you. Or like you're using a Squatty Potty at your desk. In other words, the Soul Seat is for all 11 of you out there.
Splitz Bedding - Split Blanket & Sheet Sets for Couples
Cover hog! Sheet stealer! Person who is shivering cold when I am sweating through the bedding! Splitz Bedding is a solution for couples who can't get their sheet - or blanket - together in bed.
Available for Queen or King size beds, Splitz Bedding features 2000 thread count sheets and fuzzy fleece blankets that are joined as a single piece at the bottom for tidy tucking, but separate into two sides up the length of your mattress, so each person has full control over his or her level of snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug-ness.
Bonus: if one of you wants to take an afternoon nap, there's no need to mess up both sides of the bed.
STRYK RXT-1 Robotic Striking Coach
Your dreams of being bitch slapped by a robot? Meet RXT-1. He makes dreams come true. A forthcoming "robotic striking coach" from STRYK USA, the RXT-1 mounts to your wall and uses 4 removable padded arms to spar with you, throwing its own punches, and blocking the ones you send towards its leather head and torso targets. The effect, somewhat comically, looks kind of like a gang of fly tube guys joined forces to kick some ass.
Screwpop Hit Kit
They call the Screwpop Hit Kit a "personal herb tool," which sounds like a major clash of the dialects to me. Urban Dictionary meets...corporate PR lingo that won't offend my Aunt Jan. In any case, the hit tool is designed to hold a standard BIC lighter, which you can still access and light when it's Screwpopped in place, plus 4 stash compartments, spread over a bowl, an upper cache, and 2 internal caches. The 2-piece tool magnetically assembles with alignment pins for easy cleaning, and comes with screens.
I am SAM. SAM I am. I'll splint your arm or leg or hand. I'll do it here or there. I'll do it anywhere. Fractures, breaks, my dudes and ma'ams. I'll splint your bones, SAM I am.
The SAM Splint is an ultra-moldable trauma or first aid kit accessory designed to splint any bone in the human body. (Yes, probably even that one, Beavis & Butt-Head humorists. Heh-heh, heh-heh.) While rigid enough to keep parts cracked, shattered, and sheared clear in half stable and in place, the SAM Splint is also soft enough to cut to size with standard household scissors.
Star Wars Rugs
This collection of Star Wars Rugs from Ruggable is...illuminating. I mean, the Dark side in black-and-white damask. TIE Fighters in abstract houndstooth. The Empire Strikes Back in blue toile! I'm finally starting to understand how ladies get so swept away with home decor, and how they are able to spend 17 hours in furniture stores they've dragged me to, and how when I suggest it's maybe time to go, they snap at me to "stop whining, and just go sit on one of the innumerable cushy couches or recliners here that are 10 times better than any we have at home, and play games or doom scroll on your phone 'til I'm done!"
Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug
Who better to deliver the message than a unicorn? No, a-hole, it's not a mug, it's a Shuh Duh Fuh Cup! With a side of rainbows, stars, and two giant birds.
I like how whoever made the Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug takes great pride in their work, explaining in the product description that the desktop centerpiece is made "using the best, grade A ceramic mugs and sublimation inks available." Nothing but top of the line for unicorns and snarky, obscenity-laced wordplay! Speaking of which, have you seen this mug?
See you next Tuesday!
Snugpak Stratosphere 1-Person Bivvy Shelter
Snug as a bug in a...Snugpak Stratosphere 1-person bivvy shelter. Stable, warm, mosquito-free, and ready to pack out at a moment's notice too. The Stratosphere aims to be a full-feature tent, without a tent's size, weight, and complications. It includes 7 ultralight alloy stakes (one is a spare) to build a canopy around your head, with the remainder of the shelter taking on the form of a full-zip, waterproof sleeping bag.
Stand to Pee Ladies' Boy Shorts Underwear
TomboyX stays true to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts in simple black, and even truer to their brand name with ladies' boy shorts designed with a front-to-back lapped crotch opening so the ladies who wear them can stand! to! pee!
Well, presuming they have a Tinkle Belle, or some other stand-to-pee (STP) device for women.
Studenglass Gravity Pipe
The Studenglass aims to combine and improve upon the water pipe and hookah methods of smoking. Unlike another pricey inhalation enabler, the Volcano, the Studenglass is a pure gravity bong that requires no battery, plug, or motor. Instead, it uses 180 degrees of rotation to conjure and deliver its flow of smoke, the speed of which partakers can control with the tilt of the pipe's glass chambers.
The Studenglass also delivers hits without requiring you and all your friends Cornelius to share a mouthpiece, so it's great for flu season!
Screaming Aztec Death Whistle
How have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle? In all my efforts to exact revenge on my ex-girlfriend, Karen, in all my attempts to prank my friend Cornelius, in all my ploys to convince my mother-in-law our condo complex is haunted and they should really stay in a hotel or Airbnb instead, how have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle?!
Welp, as they say, better late than never.
I will take one obsidian black ceramic, authentically designed, 125+-decibel, terrifying-scream-emitting Aztec Death Whistle, please. I've got a lot of work to catch up on.
SpeedyJig Plus Paracord Bracelet & Monkey Fist Kit
The SpeedyJig Plus comes with everything you need to start your prepper arts & crafts project, including paracord, balls, and a lacing needle, along with the adjustable jig itself. You can set the jig to weave paracord bracelet lengths between 4" and 13", and monkey fists up to 2.5" in diameter.
SMACO S400 Mini SCUBA Tank
SCUBA-dooba-doo! The SMACO S400 Mini SCUBA Tank endeavors to make diving as easy, breezy, and carefree as - albeit slightly more graceful than - everyone's favorite mystery-solving Great Dane*. The 1L tank holds enough air for 340 underwater breaths, or about 15 to 20 minutes of diving to a depth of up (down?) to 9.8'.
In addition to simple recreational pursuits, the S400 Mini SCUBA Tank also makes a good addition to water rescue kits, plus can serve as a pony bottle alongside standard SCUBA gear for emergency use.
ShiZap! Shocking Stacking Block Game
The dudes and ladies behind ShiZap! knew they couldn't solve all the world's problems, but when they sat down to consider their contribution, they concluded they could conquer at least one: how to make Jenga even more stressful and difficult. I think their solution, adding an electric shock component, i.e., physical pain, to the stacking block game, is a resounding success.
Oh, and instead of wood blocks, ShiZap! uses clear plastic blocks and an LED base that makes them glow green when the lights are out. To encourage gameplay in the dark. To jack up your vision and proprioception. To increase your chances of screwing up and getting ShiZap!-ed.
Showerspecs - Reading Glasses for the Shower & Bath
It's a sad day when I see a product like Showerspecs - reading glasses designed specifically for wear in the shower or bathtub, so you can, like, see the difference between your shampoo and conditioner, or notice that giant patch of hair you completely missed while manscaping - and think, "Huh. Maybe I could use some of those." A sad day indeed.
My fellow middle-age-approaching dudes and ladies, perhaps you will agree. Both on the sad dayness, and that you too could use a pair of Showerspecs.
Snactiv Multi-Tasking Snacking Chopsticks
Nobody describes a pair of multi-tasking snacking chopsticks better than Snactiv themselves: "A completely unnecessary but very cool snacking tool." And it doesn't stop there. Snactiv continues, in words after my very own heart, to explain the tool has "one function: "...to shove more snacks into your huge mouth without interrupting your activities or getting your crap covered in grease or snack debris."
What more do you need to know?
Strong Man Ring Holder
Sure, this Strong Man Ring Holder is super ripped and all, but I bet the dude's a total acne-ridden, cross-eyed, butter face. Ugly as sin, and that's why they never show him from the front in any of the ring holder's marketing photos.
I mean, either that or because of the ginormous penis he has that makes him able to store a dozen or more rings on his even more ginormous erection.
But due to my own feelings of inadequacy, I prefer to think it's the first one. Butt ugliness.
SpyraTwo Water Bullet Water Gun
The SpyraTwo water gun, a follow-up to the successful SpyraOne, is a water battler that replaces the streaming shots of other water guns with a powerful 30mL "water bullet." Why pelt your friends with horizontal raindrops instead of the tried-and-true Supersoaker surge? SpyraTwo puts the force of German engineering and a rechargeable li-on battery behind its shots, creating an H2prOjectile firing power capable of hitting targets 30' feet away with the blaster's standard shot, and 46' away using the new Power Shot feature.