Presenting the Alphabet: 18 Gifts that Start with C
I C you're here because you need and gift for a birthday, wedding, Christmas, Valentine's Day, or apology for something you completely F'd up (for that last one, wait a week or so, and I'll have my Presenting the Alphabet: Gifts that Start with F published.) And while you may not specifically need a gift that starts with the letter C, I've got 18 of them all ripe and ready for pickin' here, so unless you specifically need a gift that does not start with the letter C, stick around and have a look-C at what I've got.
Note: All alphabet gifts are priced as they were at printing on October 20, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Casio Calculator Watch
Who remembers the CASIOTRON? Casio's 1974 release of the world's first digital watch with an automatic calendar. Well, also looking svelte and cutting-edge in that chunky, throwback sort of way is the timepiece magnate's Calculator Watch. Time, date, 1/100 second stopwatch, and basic mathematical functions--what more does one need to wade through the murky waters of life? Also, it looks like it came straight to 2020 from an Anthony Michael Hall movie, so bonus points awarded there.
CookKing Master Grill Pan
I don't know how masterful CookKing's Master Grill Pan itself is, but the culinary delights sitting inside it have definitely mastered the ability to make my belly crave some Korean BBQ.
The CookKing Master Grill Pan is divvied into a large, domed center section, with encircling channels and slots sized to fit all the ingredients you need to cook up a tasty Korean BBQ on any type of gas stovetop, or tabletop gas burner. The pan's convex center facilitates fat / grease draining, and a nonstick titanium coating ensures all the food you put into the Master Grill Pans comes back out in one piece.
C U Next Tuesday Mug
Oh the C word. My friends Constantine, Bartholomew, and I all agree it's pretty much the worst in the English language. Definitely the most heinous mud you can sling at someone. Which makes this C U Next Tuesday, or UNT Mug kind of a curious release. Who would ever buy that for themselves? And who would ever buy it for someone else? Except anonymously. I'd send it anonymously to by black-hearted ex-girlfriend Karen.... D'oh! I just gave myself away!
Corgi Butt Leggings
Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding an adorable Corgi butt to the mix, seeing it wag as she walks, that's only going to make things worse.
And by worse, I mean better.
Cocoon Sleep Sack
You've heard of a ghillie suit? Well, Cocoon Sleep Sacks are just like...nah, they're nothing like that, but "ghillie suit for glampers" is definitely the first thing I thought of when I saw faux Clint Eastwood up there chillaxin' in one of Albrea Products' luxe and cozy cocoon blankets.
Made of ultrasoft fabric with elastic stitching throughout, Cocoon Sleep Sacks are more blanket than sleeping bag, and definitely more for lounging it than roughing it. Think Netflix & Chill on the couch, a chilly night on the patio, or even sensory stimulation and comfort for people with anxiety or on the autism spectrum.
Crispy Corner Brownie Pan
Crispy corners aren't my own main jam when it comes to brownies, but there must be enough of you out there who dig the crunch on the outside giving way to the ooo and the goo on the inside to make it worth Bakelicious' time to create a Crispy Corner Brownie Pan.
Designed as a hex-celled grid, the Crispy Corner Brownie Pan bakes 12 brownies, all with crispy edges on all 4 of their sides. Bakelicious compares that total of 48 crispy edges to the 14 total crispy edges you get baking 12 brownies in a standard baking pan. So clearly, if you're in the market for crispy brownie edges, the Crispy Corner Brownie Pan delivers.
CoyoteVest Pet Body Armor
Sure, a CoyoteVest will make your lap dog look like a mohawked Mad Max BAMF, but that's just a happy side effect. The self-described "Pet Body Armor's" primary purpose is to protect your little buddy from an attack.
CoyoteVests are made with layers of Kevlar and lined at the neck with 12 x 1" spikes. Presuming a bigger dog, nasty raccoon, or other wild animal attacker goes for your dog's jugular, the spikes and triple laminated Kevlar collar will make a successful bite very difficult. The Kevlar spanning the rest of the vest provides further bite protection, and though it doesn't cover a dog's entire body or guarantee survival, it does shield key organs and the most common areas a predator would lurch for.
Codex Seraphinianus - World's Strangest Book
First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating in the general sphere of "art" no one really knows. The nearly 400-page book's illustrations are only slightly less inexplicable than the unknown language that accompanies them. While oddly captivating, and possibly the Most Interesting Coffee Table Book in the World, trying to decipher and understand the Codex Seraphinianus has long been an exercise in futility.
CigarzUp Beer Bottle Cigar Holder
A beer in one hand, a cigar in...the same hand. CigarzUp, yep, keeps your cigar up, and at the ready, when you're enjoying a smoke alongside a bottled cold one.
CigarzUp is a (admittedly kinda cheap-looking) plastic attachment that clasps onto a beer, water, or soda bottle, and offers up a rounded ledge to cradle your cigar. Both so it won't roll off the table, and so you can smoke and drink at the same time. Just keep your index finger over the cigar to keep it in place while you take a swig, and then grab a puff on your arm's way back down.
Crotchless Yoga Pants
Who's up for a little downward dog...gy style? These Crotchless Yoga Pants from Cherry ChiChi proudly describe themselves as "yoga pants for sex." Just in case there was any confusion, or a moment's thought that they could be anything else. So congrats, all you upward horndogs and kids eager to try plow-her pose, your prayers have been answered. I guess.
Chill Sack 8-Foot Bean Bag Chair
They call it the Chill Sack only to avoid the lawyers' C&D letter or profit-sharing demands from a major corporation. But you can go ahead and call this giant 8-foot bean bag chair built for two (or three!) like it is: The Netflix & Chill Sack.
In addition to large-butt- and Jabba-the-Hutt-friendly dimensions, Chill Sacks are wrapped in a micro suede cover that looks like it will feel as snuggly as the fabric softener bear. And if you decide to get real, real, extra snuggly on it, the cover is removable and machine washable.
CircSaw Compact Folding Hand Saw
Welcome to Circ de Saw-lay, where IDL Tools' acrobatic strongman will slice through slabs of wood and pipes of PVC, fold itself completely in half to form a compact little disc, and slip onto your tool belt, teeth covered and tucked away, for safe and easy carry.
The folding CircSaw flips open to reveal a 5" arc blade IDL says is designed to resist bending and flexion, and keep cuts on the straight and narrow. Further, the handsaw's tri-beveled teeth gnaw on both your push and pull strokes for faster cutting. You can use the tool on wood, plastic, PVC, cement board, drywall, and the Texas rib-eye your girlfriend's old man cooked to well done. "What's the matter, son? You're not some sort of vegetarian, are ya?"
Clawgs - Dog Shoes That Allow Dogs to Use Their Claws
I think I'd call them Clawgs: Dad Shoes for Dogs.
But like dad shoes, Clawgs creator Dog Sap says what these dog shoes lack in looks, they more than make up for in functionality. Dogs' paws are more resilient to terrains and surfaces than people's feet, but they aren't indestructible. Trotting on the likes of hot asphalt, sharp ice, salted areas, rocky trails, and the slick floors in your home can be uncomfortable, even painful, for them. Especially when they tear to the front door to bark at the mailman and slide the last 3 feet on the hardwood, bashing their nose into the mail slot.
In addition to providing paw protection and traction, Clawgs are designed to maintain dogs' access to their claws, and their claws' contact with the ground, for grip and comfort. Made of soft rubber and elastic fabric, they fit snug to the paw so your pooch can walk naturally, rather than acclimating to the loose "clown shoe" style of basic dog boots.
Citizen Bones Humanoid Fishing Lures
David Maher says he came up with the idea for Citizen Bones Fishing Co. in May 2017, and launched it at last - out of his Tennessee basement! - in April 2022. He currently handmakes all of his humanoid and skeleton lures in professionally engineered CNC molds, fashioning them in various themes of bait-worthy bright colors, and stuffing some with additional artificial lures to make them even more enticing. Ants, grub, crawfish, crickets. Citizen Bones Fishing even offers a set of Humanoids stuffed with live worms, 2 per bait. (Those have a limited, 1-week shelf life.)
The only thing wrong with this Chewbacca Beanbag, a Wookiee lounger my ass would otherwise love to plop down on, is that it's from Pottery Barn. Just like this Star Wars Bed. So basically the only people who can have furry, toothy, soft-pellet-stuffed Chewie are rich Star Wars geeks, and spoiled children who also want Daddy to buy them an oompa loompa.
Christmas Vacation Light Up Fried Cat Rug
Guess we don't have to worry about the cat knocking down the Christmas tree this year. Hey, honey, your Uncle Joe likes fried cat, doesn't he? Or at least he won't be able to tell the difference between it and honey-roasted ham, right?
Another Christmas decoration made in homage to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, this Light Up Fried Cat Rug is also a fun 'n' festive reminder of what happens when you don't mind your pets, or follow protocols for electrical safety when winding a bazillion strands of lights around your Christmas tree. The flat cat (aka the literal interpretation of my genius idea) is made of felt and lined with faux white fur around the edges, plus some hunks of charred fur across its back.
ChickenStone - Roast a Whole Bird in Half the Time
Um. Are you sure, ChickenStone, you wouldn't rather be called CockStone? I mean, I know I'm immature and all, but what human person could consider the ChickenStone's function - to roast a whole bird 50% faster than normal, while infusing the meat with herbs and other aromatics - without also considering what it looks like. A great big peen.
The ChickenStone is a follow-up to creator Slavisa Trtic-Trle's TurkeyStone, which, as you can imagine, he made to reduce the cooking time and enhance the flavor of a turkey. As you can also imagine, it too makes any turkey it's paired with look like it's sporting an erect penis.
C3 Custom Remote Controlled Coolers
Maybe the best quote a company president has ever made about their product comes from C3 Custom Cooler Creations president, Scott Seljan. In speaking to The Milwaukee Sentinel of his Remote Controlled Rover Coolers, Seljan said, "There hasn't been anybody who's seen this thing who has said, 'Boy, is that stupid.'"
Ha! A motorized RC beverage cooler shaped like a planetary surface exploration vehicle, and covered in sports team, themed, or your custom graphics, is a decidedly not stupid thing. Well said, Mr. Seljan. And I agree.
The Rover RC Cooler, along with all C3 products, is made in Lake Mills, WI. Its rugged tires equip it to drag your drinks over almost any terrain at a top speed of 6 MPH. To further ensure it is the star of your next tailgate or picnic, the cooler also has working headlights and built-in Bluetooth-enabled speakers. Rovers have a 30-quart interior capacity, about enough room for 30 cans of beer or sodie, along with the ice to chill them.