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Presenting the Alphabet: 16 Gifts that Start with A

Posted: October 13, 2022
Presenting the Alphabet: [ET] Gifts that Start with A

Presenting the alphabet. It's basically the same as saying "Gifting the alphabet," but has a clever play on words because I'm also presenting you choices of gifts / presents that start with letters of the alphabet. In this case, those gifts start with the letter "A."

And, you guessed it, next time they'll start with the letter "B." All the way up to the letter "Z," so 26 alphabet-themed gift guides in all.

Yeesh. What have I gotten myself into? Am I going to be able to make it all the way to the end? Guess we'll A, B, C.

Enjoy Round 1, at least, 16 gifts that start with A.

Note: All alphabet gifts are priced as they were at printing on October 13, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.

AvoSeedo - Grow an Avocado Tree

AvoSeedo - Grow an Avocado Tree

Hit the guacamole jackpot with the AvoSeedo. This plastic tool serves as a base for growing your own avocado tree at home. The best part: true to nature's form, it takes an avocado to make an avocado, so you'll need to scoop out the luscious green flesh of a store-bought fruit and save its pit to get things started.

$9.99 ➠ Amazon

Atlas Obscura

Atlas Obscura
Atlas Obscura

Atlas Obscura has a glowing endorsement from Neil Gaiman on its front cover, which can only mean this Explorer's Guide to the World's Hidden Wonders is my Door to London Below. Or maybe Red, White, and Black Londons. Or, fine, maybe just somewhere really cool no one knows about (or knew about until they all read Atlas Obscura) in plain old Gray London.

If Atlas Obscura does its job as intended, readers of this quirky non-tourist attraction guidebook are going to walk away (hopefully to the nearest plane) with a much longer Bucket List than they started out with. Possibly over 700 line items longer, if you dig every one of Atlas Obscura's picks for the "strangest and most curious places in the world."

$32.9 ➠ Amazon

Assled Wearable Snow Sled

Assled Wearable Snow Sled
Assled Wearable Snow Sled

The Assled is a new wearable snow sled from Snowfeet, a Czech company in the business of making unique recreational snow products, and naming them exactly what they are. (See their namesake Snowfeet, and Skiskates.)

Assleds strap to - you guessed it - your ass to provide a minimalist, frictionless surface for gliding down snowy hills, and then a lightweight, hands-free way to schlep your sled back to the top. Unlike pretty much any other snow sled that doesn't require inflation, and isn't a garbage bag, Assleds also roll up like a yoga mat, so you can attach one to your backpack / gear bag and carry it around with little trouble even when you're not actively Assledding.

$144.90 ➠ Amazon

Autoblow Decoy Safe

Autoblow Decoy Safe

Funny, functional, dare I say Autoblow's take on the decoy safe is ingenious? Dirty Santa is lickin' his chops for this season's gift exchange.

In case you're still puzzling over this latest place to stash your valuables, the Autoblow Decoy Safe is a safe disguised to look like a male masturbator. One that really exists too! The Autoblow AI is a literal blowjob machine that provides 10 unique "blowjob experiences," modeled after real-life techniques, and administered by artificial intelligence. The decoy safe version looks just like its automatic chicken choker counterpart, but where the latter has an interchangeable silicone sleeve and heavy-duty, ultra-powerful metal motor, the Autoblow Decoy Safe has a roomy empty space for storing cash, jewelry, passports, and weed. And, I have to agree with Autoblow when they say, "The last place a burglar will ever look is inside of your lube covered Autoblow AI."

$39 ➠ Autoblow

Aqua Training Bags - Water-Filled Boxing Bags

Aqua Training Bags - Water-Filled Boxing Bags
Aqua Training Bags - Water-Filled Boxing Bags

Aqua Training Bags bring punching and kicking to the masses. The pros too. Whether you're in MMA training or just looking to add boxing to your gym or home fitness routine, this water-filled bag is kind of a genius piece of equipment to buddy up with during your workout. I've actually used an Aqua Training Bag myself, and can attest to maker New York Fitness and Boxing's promises that it elevates the experience in H2SO many ways.

$132.99 to $219.99 ➠ Amazon

Air Fort - 30-Second Inflatable Tent

Air Fort - 30-Second Inflatable Tent
Air Fort - 30-Second Inflatable Tent

The Air Fort, in addition to creating a private place for me to hide sleep when my future in-laws visit and take over my bedroom next month, gives me an excuse to haul out my old college box fan. The one She-Ra: Princess of Power told me to throw away when we got a Vornado, but I just stuffed it in our storage unit instead. Velcroed to its open end, a standard box fan can take the Air Fort from a limp polyester sheath to a spacious, igloo-shaped indoor tent in 30 seconds or less.

The Air Fort fits several kids - or cozy adults - who enter and exit along its bottom perimeter. The fact the tent has no floor makes that part a little easier. There is also a viewing window on the side of the Air Fort so parents can see when Child #1 has Child #2 in a headlock, and Child #1 can see when parents walk into the room to release Child #2 real quick and warn him to keep his stinkin' mouth shut about it.

$49.95 to $59.95 ➠ Amazon

Aliens - Colonial Marines Technical Manual

Aliens - Colonial Marines Technical Manual

A revised edition of the 1996 original, the Aliens: Colonial Marines Technical Manual saw its re-release on May 29, 2012. Like the first edition, the manual looks at the microcosm of its star scientific nightmare, guiding readers through all the dirty details of the United States Colonial Marine Corps' equipment and procedures. Almost overwhelmingly comprehensive, fanatics, dedicated cosplayers, serious Alien video gamers, and the people who love them, and therefore feign polite interest in their borderline unhealthy obsessions, will enamor themselves with sketches, diagrams, technical schematics, and plans waxing poetic on the weapons, vehicles, and ships of the USCMC.

$19.95 ➠ Amazon

Aquor House Hydrant

Aquor House Hydrant
Aquor House Hydrant

It's a scorching summer day. You're lounging on the patio. Jamming to some tunes. Sipping a cold brew. Gazing at the lawn. But something's missing. What's missing?

Hose, hose, hose.

And a water outlet pimped out with an Aquor House Hydrant. Because the grass meeting your gaze is brown, and the marigolds are bent over dying.

Aquor's House Hydrant overhauls the water spigot with its flush-mounted outdoor faucet system. The hydrant allows users to instantly plug into - and out of - the faucet with a hose connector attachment, eliminating scraping knuckles and struggling with heavy hoses and worn threads on old brass spigots. Better, plugging into the House Hydrant automatically activates your water flow, and unplugging automatically shuts it off. The system then self-drains, so down to temperatures of minus 30 degrees F, Aquor says you'll won't have to winterize it.

$79.95 ➠ Amazon

Airmega Smart Air Purifier

Airmega Smart Air Purifier
Airmega Smart Air Purifier

"Alexa! Purify my air!" The Airmega is a smart air purifier, app-enabled and compatible with the Amazon Echo. In your home or office, the 4-legged cabinet filters out 99.97% of particulate matter from the air you'd presumably prefer to breathe particulate matter-free. Then on its accompanying iOS / Android mobile app, the Airmega sends progress reports and air quality readings you can monitor and manage from anywhere.

$370.89 to $649.36 ➠ Amazon

Ace Collection Jumbo Mattresses

Ace Collection Jumbo Mattresses
Ace Collection Jumbo Mattresses

I've got an ace up my mattress for all the bed hogs, parents and pet owners, tossers and turners, spread-eagle sleepers, and rambunctious rollers in the hay out there: the Ace Collection. The Ace Collection is a line of jumbo mattresses - and I mean jumbo mattresses - that will put even your California king bed to shame.

The Ace Collection's "standard" mattress, what they call Ace Size is a girthy 108" wide. By comparison, a king mattress is 76" wide. For ye tall drinks of water Ace also makes a Player Size mattress that turns its width 90 degrees - this slumber buddy is a stretch-ready 108" long x 80" wide.

The Ace Collection's royal flush, though, comes courtesy of its Family Size Mattress, the 144" wide by 80" long sleeping beauty you see in the images above.

Learn More ➠ Ace Collection

Aculief Natural Headache & Tension Relief

Aculief Natural Headache & Tension Relief
Aculief Natural Headache & Tension Relief

Aculief does not have glowing reviews across the board, but it does have a loyal following and is a relatively inexpensive, and drug-free, option that might work for you if you suffer from migraines or chronic headaches. The placement of the Aculief wearable clip between your thumb and forefinger targets your body's LI4 acupressure point.

$15.99 ➠ Amazon

Add-A-Lock Portable Door Lock

Add-A-Lock Portable Door Lock
Add-A-Lock Portable Door Lock

The Add-A-Lock does one better than the portable intruder alarm: it won't just alert you when your one night stand tries to sneak back into your bedroom to sucker you into a committed, long-term relationship during which she will move into your house, replace your Pac-Man blinds with ruffly curtains, alienate your friends, and spend all of your money, it will physically block her from opening the door at all.

$17.95 ➠ Amazon

Adulting Stickers

Adulting Stickers

Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done good in their own grownup lives too? I mean, they're the ones paying for all the stickers anyway.

$4.99 ➠ Amazon

AERIAL A1 Tree Tent

AERIAL A1 Tree Tent
AERIAL A1 Tree Tent

O peon, go! Collecteth mine AERIAL A1 Tree Tent and wrapeth its high tensile webbing straps 'round twin trees so I may slumber like the sloth!

The Opeongo AERIAL A1 Tree Tent is neither the first tree tent, nor the first tent-hammock hybrid we've seen - Tentsile has been sleeping in the trees for years, just last fall there was the Haven Tent, and before that the Tammock. But that's not to say there's no room for more. Plus, Opeongo believes they have refined the shelter into "an intuitive design made for real campers," and one that lets them call the AERIAL A1 the first of its kind.

$370 ➠ Opeongo

AeroPress Coffee & Espresso Maker

AeroPress Coffee & Espresso Maker

Brew a double espresso or 10-ounce cup of coffee right into your favorite mug in around 60 seconds with the AeroPress. A simple tool, a space-saving alternative to a full-size coffee maker, and supposedly at the head of "one of the best cups of coffee you'll ever taste," the AeroPress introduces gentle air pressure to hot water and coffee grounds for a brewing process that aims to produce rich flavor with low acidity and no bitterness. Huh. Rich flavor with low acidity and no bitterness. While I'm not really sure how it could go down, I think both men and women would benefit greatly if someone could figure out a way to apply AeroPress' ethos and line of research to blow jobs.

$39.95 ➠ Amazon

After Dinner Nipples - Mint Chocolate Boobies

After Dinner Nipples - Mint Chocolate Boobies
After Dinner Nipples - Mint Chocolate Boobies

Care for a nip of mint to cleanse your palate? ... And dirty your mind? After Dinner Nipples are mint chocolate boobie treats made in the spirit of After Eight Mints, and molded in homage to mankind's other favorite after dinner treat.

$14.53 ➠ Amazon
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