Me So Corny: 14 Products to Help You Eat & Honor Corn
Oh it's corn, corn, corn that makes your feel...forlorn? What? No. Not corn. Not forlorn. That line is from the song "Hinky Dinky Double D Farm," a childhood classic for me. Back then, I had no idea what the word "forlorn" meant, but ever since last year when I figured it out, I've been baffled by the sentiment. Corn is succulent. Corn is scrumptious. Corn is sweet and poppy and almost as beautiful coming out as it is going in. If anything, corn makes me feel joyful and full of love. Never forlorn.
And these 14 products that help me - and you - eat and honor corn should only boost the crop's inspirational qualities even more. I hope you enjoy them, along with a barrel of cobs grilled, popped, steamed, creamed, and shaved into succotash in the coming months.
Note: All corn-related gifts are priced as they were at printing on May 25, 2023. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper
It's not like de-kerneling a corn cob with a knife is hard, but it is hard to do without making a huge mess of kernels and husk remnants and corn juice flying all over the kitchen. And when the precariously positioned cob slips during stripping...hope you like blood in your fresh salsa.
Chef'n says their twist & push Cob Corn Stripper removes all hassle associated with fresh corn kernel acquisition. The compact cylinder is lined with stainless steel blades that strip cobs in seconds as you make a single twisting-pushing combo move.
As someone who owns this kitchen tool, I would give it 3/5 stars. It does remove all hassle associated with fresh corn kernel acquisition...if you have the exact right girth of corn cob. Too skinny, and you've not getting all your kernels. Too fat, and you'll feel like you and your Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper are headlining an MMA fight.
Dash Electric Butter Sprayer
Dash did not start the electric butter spraying phenomenon. That is, the phenomenon wherein one inserts an entire stick of cold butter into the shaft of a bottle, and a battery-operated heating coil melts it to mist-ability on demand. I believe Biem gets credit for doing that back in 2016.
But Biem, at least at printing, doesn't have any more instant stick butter sprayers to sell, and Dash does, and dudes. Hot buttered corn on the cob season is upon us, and we are always in the midst of movie / reality show / political shenanigans worthy of watching with a big tub of buttered popcorn season, so while I'd rather support the OG inventor of an electric butter sprayer, in the absence of their having any electric butter sprayers for me to spray, I...I gotta Dash.
Shake & Pop Open Fire Popcorn Popper
Time to Shake & Pop, baby! This open fire popcorn popper has a traditional (i.e., olden days) look, but is made of lightweight, durable aluminum instead of, say, cast iron or bedrock. You can get your shake (and pop!) on over the flames of a campfire, BBQ grill, or fireplace.
The Shake & Pop cooks corn kernels at a safe distance from your delicate face thanks to an 18" handle. Once loaded, the popper produces up to 3 quarts of "flawless popcorn" in a few minutes.
Nixta Licor de Elote - Corn Liqueur
Liquid. Corn. Sounds like a joke to me. A real corny joke. But, hey, I hear Nixta Licor de Elote - that's Corn Liqueur for the non-Spanish speakers - is actually pretty tasty. I'd try it. Way before I'd try Scottish Beithir Fire 150-proof beer, anyway. Made from ancestral cacahuazintle maize, Nixta Licor de Elote is grown in the high valleys and foothills of the Nevado de Toluca volcano in Central Mexico.
Nixta Licor de Elote is made by the Destileria y Bodega Abasolo, which describes their corn liqueur's color as "intense straw with golden highlights." On the nose you'll get cornbread, toasted corn, vanilla, and caramel, and in the mouth it's all about the sweet and toasty corn flavors. Move over Flakes, Pops, Nuts, and cobs, Nixta Licor de Elote is the new best presentation of corn on the block.
Death Star Popcorn Popper
Luke, if you want popcorn with your Netflix & Chill, better go ahead and let this Death Star do the thing it was made for. In a strange twist on deadly weapons, the Death Star Popcorn Popper is here to do good, transforming the tooth-breaking choking hazards that are corn kernels into delightfully light, salty, buttery puffs of popcorn.
Giant Corn Planter
Sink your teeth into this Giant Corn Planter, some sweet corn if I've ever seen an ear of it, and the latest piece of oversized food art from Third Drawer Down. The kernel-covered houseplant home is made from moulded resin, and then hand-painted in a finish suitable for use indoors or out. Dimensions are 10.6" x 10.6" x 13.6".
According to this dude, the Giant Corn Planter would make a smooth-as-butter housewarming gift for a lady. I specify lady because, as a dude, if you need a corn-themed housewarming gift for a dude, I'd probably recommend the Cob Quicky instead.
The Cob Quicky
The Cob Quicky lends a hand in buttering your corn on the cob, getting the job done mess-free and in record time. It's a hand for a job. A Hand. Job.
The latest of Matt Benedetto's Unnecessary Inventions, the Cob Quicky provides a means of not just buttering your corn easily, but really slathering it. Every stroke of the Cob Quicky ensures your cob of corn will come out completely covered in the slippery richness when it's done. Dripping and ready for you, or maybe that special lady you're lubing up some corn for, to tear into it and take a big, juicy bite.
Uh. Huh. Not so sure about that last part.
I think I've lost my appetite.
Shark Corn Holders
Take a bite out of summer's bounty with this set of Shark Corn Holders. They've been holding up my corn for me real nice, which I why I was able to toss out that "Take a bite out of summer's bounty" line without a flinch.
The Shark Corn Holders support the cob kind of corn pretty well too. Head and fin pairs skewer the two ends of your cob - or you could go Sharknado mutants and use 2 head or 2 tail ends together - to provide grips as secure as they are deadly.
Corn on the Cob Grilling Basket
Corral a quad of cobs with the Corn on the Cob Grilling Basket from Charcoal Companion. It has a nonstick coating on its wire cage, and a sturdy hardwood handle to make cooking your golden boys a little more controlled, efficient, and mess-free.
I do wonder what happens when you get the odd ear out, the one that's appreciably fatter or skinnier than the others. Does the Cob Grilling Basket lose its grip on the less thicc corns, and dump them out the ends if you don't perform your flip with perfect speed and precision?
Cuisinart Butter Wheel
Behold a land o' lakes of butter, and the Cuisinart Butter Wheel ready to turn through it proud as Mary, so you can slather the melted gold inside onto bread, buns, baguettes, and dinner rolls for grilling or griddling. And sweet summer corn on the cob for devouring by the dozen.
Amish Country Microwave Popcorn on the Cob
This Amish Country Microwave Popcorn on the Cob makes me feel just like I did when I saw the New England Hot Dog Bun Pan. ... ... Did you know you can pop popcorn right off the cob?! That there exists such a thing as corn cob microwave popcorn?! If you did not know, you can join me on Team This Dude.
If you did know, head over to Team Amish Country.
And either way, if you like popcorn, Amish Country Microwave Popcorn on the Cob, especially the Red Corn variety shown here, looks absolutely mow downable. I see lots and lots of cob-popped corn in my future. If you agree, you can join me on both Team This Dude and Team Amish Country.
Butter Girl & Boy Butter Keepers & Spreaders
I'm not sure these look so much like Butter Girl & Boy Butter Keepers & Spreaders as they do, uh, Butter Voldemort's Children Butter Keepers & Spreaders. Or maybe Butter Kyle from South Park's Little Brother Ike Butter Keepers & Spreaders. (Which could, of course, be shortened to Butter Canadians Butter Keepers & Spreaders.) I mean, any way you look at them, they look a little disturbing, which kinda detracts from the awesomeness of what they do: hold your butter at the perpetual ready for slathering all over your corn.
Or your body.
Popcorn Bowl with Kernel Sifter
While I'm pretty sure this would be the most expensive popcorn bowl - and maybe eating bowl period - you'd ever own, if you are a popcorn fiend, or a Sesame Street-style Popcorn Monster, you might like a $48 popped corn receptacle with fancy built-in kernel sifter. I mean, it's cheaper that chomping down on a rogue corn marble and breaking a tooth anyway.
Corn Dog Butt Plug
I debated including the Corn Dog Butt plug in my list here. Because, I mean, you're not going to be able to eat the corn dog with it sticking out of your butt (Cirque du Soleil performers, please disregard). And since you're not putting the corn dog end up your butt, are you really honoring the corn, or just the butt plug?
But then I thought, "Heck, someone is going to eat the corn dog. And probably feel honored to do so with it extending majestically from your bunghole, so, Dude, why not?" And here it is.