Dude's Must See Products for March 2022
Dude's must see products for March 2022 get jiggy with it. And by that I mean they satisfy normal urges in a strange, jiggy if you will, kind of way. Craving chocolate? Try ChoClits. Jonesing for sexy time? How about with a giant Kraken Dildo? In the mood to speak your mind? Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats at your service. Ready to laugh at a joke, but then do a 180 when you see it upsets your wife, and punch the person who made it instead? ... Nah, never mind that one. How about chilling out to memories of a more classic, but equally confounding, display of aggression? Tyson 2.0 Mike Bites, cannabis-infused gummy ears, are here for you.
Note: All products are priced as they were at printing on April 1, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Estwing Special Edition Fireside Friend Axe
If I could have only one fireside friend, would it be Estwing's Special Edition Fireside Friend Axe, or my friend Cornelius? Hmmm, I can't decide. Let's go over the merits of both.
Estwing Special Edition Fireside Friend Axe: 1) Forged in one piece from solid American steel for durability and endurance; 2) Broader, weighted wedge head provides better leverage and power for wood splitting; 3) Shock reduction grip reduces impact vibration by 70%.
My Friend Cornelius: 1) Known since childhood; 2) Able to get drunk with me; 3) Better reactions than an axe when pranked.
Hmmm, Estwing Special Edition Fireside Friend Axe, or my friend Cornelius...dude. I still can't decide.
E136: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It claims to be a confidence booster; 2) Harry wouldn't use it, but Hermione might; 3) You could call it a crotch rocket.
Designer Bong by Session Goods
The Designer Bong by Session Goods seeks to be your "beautiful, functional, and unapologetically simple" smoking companion. To bring you a little joy and a little indulgence, without making you feel illicit or taboo. In other words, this is one classy water pipe.
Session Goods takes your smoking pleasure seriously, in both experience and aesthetics. Their bong's fresh, modern design features silicone footers, grommets, and tabs in your choice of muted white, gray, and black, or standout nods to Roy G Biv. The silicone accents highlight the pipe's base and mouthpiece, while the bong, bowl, and downstem keep things clear with high quality borosilicate glass. Overall, the Designer Bong presents itself as a fine - smokin' fine, I might say - piece of minimalist paraphernalia you'd be proud to display in your living room.
Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats (NSFW)
Cover up your bad hair, and score yourself some evil glares with Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats. Mama may have told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but Uncle Bekah believes if you don't have anything nice to say, "Put it on a hat."
Inappropriate Trucker hats run the gamut of inappropriateness in both potency and topic. We start with "This Band Sucks" and "I Hate Working Here," and end up at "Stop Staring at My FUPA," "I Bleached My Asshole for This," and "I'm Here to Fuck Your Dad." Ouch. (Unless, of course, you're Dad!)
B-BOX Urban Beehive
Beekeeping at home? I beeloving it. B-BOX is a beehive designed specifically for hobbyist beekeeping in urban settings. Italian bee enthusiasts and conservationists beeing, created B-BOX as a safe and easy way - for both humans and bees - to house and cultivate the dwindling pollinators, and enjoy the
fruits honeys of their labor on a daily basis.
Why does this ChoClit taste fi-...naaah, I'm not gonna say it. Especially since ChoClits seller Firebox has already done one better than I ever could with their description of what I'm sure is a
generally genitally delicious box of chocolates: "Congrats. You found the sweet spot."
Rounding out the explicit chocolate body part family currently made up of Edible Anus Chocolates, After Dinner Nipples, and the Eat a Dick chocolate penis for anonymous mailing, ChoClits arrive just in time for baby showers, bachelor parties, and Adults Only Easter Baskets. Each box contains 6 delectable milk chocolate vaginas just waiting for a kiss, a lick, a nibble, and a big ol' bite.
Terra Nova Bothy Bag - 4-Person Emergency Shelter
I see your bivy sack, and raise you the Terra Nova Bothy Bag, a lightweight emergency shelter erected and held in place by your own body weight and form. Or rather, your own and your friend Cornelius'. Or, given this Bothy Bag listing leads to Terra Nova's 4-person shelter, yours, your friend Cornelius', your friend Victor's, and your friend Maurice's.
For rescue operators, for mountaineers in need of an escape from the rain, for backcountry skiers looking to warm up, and for parks and forests workers who want to meet or take lunch away from the elements, Terra Nova Bothy Bags allow users to erect their own tent-like shelter anywhere they are able to sit together. And in addition to using the human shape to provide the shelter's structure, Bothy Bag's recruit its biology to create a "microclimate" of warmth and humidity inside, while blocking the water, snow, and wind creating the "macroclimate" outside.
9 to 5 Exercise: 10 Ways to Work Out While You Work
Take productivity to new heights...and levels of exhaustion!...with these 10 ways to work out while you work.
Including a range of cardio exercise, balance and posture, and coordination equipment, these workday fitness add-ons probably won't work you to your physical limits, but spread out over the hours you're toiling away on your computer, or dying of boredom in Zoom meetings, their cumulative effects could certainly make a difference in your health and wellness. Especially on days you don't have the time or energy to hit the gym hard or attend a fitness class.
Tyson 2.0 Mike Bites - Cannabis Gummy Ears
Mike Bites. Now this is the kind of earful I'd take gladly. No real human body parts or nagging from my mama required with Mike Tyson's cannabis gummy ears, just a chill night and better sleep. And a bit of glee sinking my teeth into this latest release from the heavyweight champ's weed brand, Tyson 2.0.
Mike Bites are a, shall we say, sportive nod to Tyson's infamous fight with Evander Holyfield, which ended with Tyson's disqualification for biting off a slice of his opponent's ear. The debut of Tyson's cannabis-infused gummy ears in 2022 coincides with the 25th anniversary of that boxing match.
ISAKOK Penis Prank
Yep, it ISAKOK. Shooting long and strong out of the Cock Cannon, just like the classic snake-in-a-can prank, but, you know, with a glorious 2-1/2-foot trouser snake as the projectile instead of a cheesy blue reptilian one. Bachelorettes, girlfriends, Grandma, Mike Litoris, you all better watch out! This penis prank is coming (hard!) for you.
In addition to the can's dickly contents, Willy Weapons also modernizes the ISAKOK Penis Prank by using an elegant incense stick label, rather than one for peanuts or jellybeans, as the red herring for what's inside. "ISAKOK" even features prominently across the top of the label, but the addition of some Japanese characters above it will prevent most of your targets from sounding, and figuring, out the parody.
VAULT Modular EDC Organizer
Pocket knives, multi-tools, pens, pry bars, titanium toothpicks, the VAULT modular EDC organizer has a place for them all. A tidy place. One that doesn't see the hundreds (thousands?) of dollars you've spent on your everyday carry heaped in a pile in the junk drawer, or strewn about the bottom of your backpack, and under the seats of your car.
Tekto Gear Amber Automatic Knife
The Amber OTF automatic knife from Tekto Gear pairs a corrosion-resistant chrome steel blade with a deep red, marbled wood for a piece of EDC you may be more keen to show off on the outside of your pocket than to hide within. The Amber's hip clip will be happy to oblige. Further, Tekto recently upgraded their OTF knife with a D2 steel blade, and blackout hardware for the push button, glass pommel, and aerospace aluminum screws. An improved CNC process has the Amber weighing in at 132 grams - 62 grams less than the original.
Unleash the Kraken Dildo! Seven inches long and suction-cup ready for anal penetration! ... Uh, what? On second thought, dude, keep that thing to yourself. I'm still reeling over the Corn Dog Butt Plug.
The Kraken Dildo is a set of spiraling squid tentacles whose bulging suckers and black-lacquer thermoplastic rubber composition give it a formidable appearance, and suggest this is not a sex toy for the faint of heart. Or rather, sphincter. However, the dildo's makers insist it has a "delicate texture" that can "not only increase friction and better stimulate the inner wall of your vagina or anus, but also ensure that the animal dildo can slip in like butter and fill you up." So, yeah. There's that.
mClassic Plug & Play Gaming Console 4K Upscaler
mmmmmClassic. Nope, it's not the new Quizno's tagline, it's Marseille Inc.'s mClassic, a plug-and-play graphics card for your gaming console. One its makers call a "world's first" in its ability to boost a game's content in real time, upscaling each pixel to 4K resolution with virtually no lag as you play.
Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear
All you need to stay afloat this summer is a pair of Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear! A swimsuit and life raft in one!
On second thought, the Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear might be better described as a swimsuit and death raft in one. I'm thinking, yes, the wearable pool toy will serve as a flotation device, but given its placement around your crotchal region, a flotation device for your lower half only. Meaning you'll be floating inverted. Upside down. Legs up. Ass over tea kettle. Gonna be pretty hard not to drown that way. But, hey, whatever floats your
The Exotic Blades Shop Knuckle Duster Axe
Knuckle duster meets axe. Is that a good idea? Certainly the axe won't fall out of your hand when you use it to chop whatever's on the chopping block today, but again I ask, is that a good idea? All those steel spacers between pressing between your fingers?
One thing's for sure: you won't be winning any axe-throwing contests with The Exotic Blades Shop's knuckle duster axe.