Dude's Must See Products for June 2023
I'll always remember June 2023 as a month of deeply satisfying poos. I hope the same is true for you. But I must also give some credit to the Hammer Fist, the Accuser Ring, the Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit, and Beer Darts for bringing sh*t-eating grins to my face, and rounding out the hours I wasn't in the bathroom. I hope you enjoy them, and the rest of Dude's must see products for June 2023, too.
Note: All must see products for June 2023 are priced as they were at printing on July 5, 2023. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
Desk York Car Cup Holder Snack Tray
I know I, for one, am always looking for ways to make driving less safe, and Desk York's Car Cup Holder Snack Tray seems to be a terrific way to do it. Especially the XL version, pictured above, with holders for two different drinks, a tray large enough for an entire takeout meal, and a clamp to secure your phone at the perfect spot, way low and remote from your steering wheel and windshield.
Texting and driving, I see your danger, and raise you one Car Cup Holder Snack Tray!
MiniMeis G4 Shoulder Carrier
I've often wondered how parents carry kids on their shoulders without the kids jerking backwards or toppling sideways and falling off. And what the MiniMeis G4 Shoulder Carrier indicates to me is: sometimes the kids do jerk backwards or topple sideways and fall off.
But they won't if they're secured in the waist harness and leg straps of a MiniMeis G4 Shoulder Carrier.
E189: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) I wouldn't call it a desk toy, but maybe a post-desk toy; 2) They call it "The Whale," which should provide some indication of its comparative size; 3) Actually using it is going to be a stretch.
LEVUS Zero Gravity Ergonomic Workstation
Weightlessness. Ergonomics for your back, eyes, and arms. Total comfort. Total workstation pimp-out. I get it, LEVUS, I do. But I also see the photos of people using your zero gravity ergonomic workstation, and I see...the infirm. Hospital patients. Paraplegics. My 600-Lb. Life.
Maybe if you gave it a scorpion tail arm like Imperatorworks Chairs, or enclosed it in a futuristic egg dome like the Cooler Master Orb X, the LEVUS would present better to those of us with healthy bodies who are just looking to keep them that way during the 8 hours of day we spend sitting at a desk.
And 8 more hours after that we spend sitting at a gaming station.
The Accuser Ring with Blinking Opal Eyes
J'accuse! this humanoid ring and its opal eyes that actually blink of...being awesome. Made by Levon Kevorkian and sold through his Internal Affairs jewelry studio, The Accuser Ring will tell everyone you meet that your eyes are, in fact, down here.
The head, which I believe is modeled after Ronan the Accuser from the Marvel Comics Universe, is made of .925 sterling silver. Its fluttering eyelids cover your choice of cut black, black forest, fire, hot pink, blood, or azure opal.
On second thought, The Accuser Ring and its ominous opal eyes could be designed according to Kevorkian's vision of Satan, because TIL that "Satan" means "accuser" in Hebrew.
Despite the implied safety hazards, we've been drinking beer and playing darts for, what, centuries? So why not create an even closer connection between the two? Beer Darts is a drinking game wherein players throw their darts at cans of beer instead of boards of cork, and rather than scoring points when one sticks, they score an opportunity to make their opponents drink. The entire beer, if the dart lands inside the can's open tab, and until the beer stops leaking if the thrower punctures it in the side. The loser is the player who finishes their beer first.
Tiny Home Frame Kits
"Frame" is the word to note in these Tiny Home Frame Kits made by PLUS 1. Buy one from Home Depot, and you won't receive a complete tiny home in a box, which is what I would want. And if they could somehow make it a pop-up that automatically assembles when you open the lid, like the greeting cards, that would be even better. PLUS 1 kits consist only of the steel stud framing, plus some calcs, plans, hardware, and instructions, you'll need to build one of their two dozen wee abodes. The rest of it - the doors and windows, the siding, the plumbing and electrical components - is sold separately.
Fortunately, PLUS 1 notes, it's all sold separately through Home Depot, the same preferred provider of the Tiny Home Frame Kits themselves, so it's at least one-stop shopping for lucky you. And even more revenue for lucky Home Depot!
Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit
The Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit doesn't provide quite the same caliber of beach-ready optical illusion as the Sexy Chest Swimsuit, but at least this Jean Paul Gaultier design is more likely to make you drool than gag. I mean, just look at those luscious, scintillating, perfectly-contoured...printed body flowers.
The Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit is a designer one-piece featuring, yes, some colorful flowers, but also an expertly drawn and shaded likeness of the belly and boobies that lie underneath the suit. It's a provocative, yet still somehow tasteful piece of swimwear that I give two enthusiastic thumbs up, and one long Duuuuuude.
YETI 12" Cast Iron Skillet
In collaboration with "the cast iron masters over at Butter Pat Industries in Maryland," YETI has released a 12" Cast Iron Skillet. And it costs, well, about as much as a YETI cooler. Or a YETI duffel bag. Or, proportionally speaking, anything else YETI sells. So while my initial response to the skillet's $400 price tag was sticker shock, I shouldn't be surprised at all.
I should actually be happy a brand that doesn't coat their cast iron in Meringue and Chiffon Pink colors is giving Le Creuset a run for their money. YETI even calls their skillet "an heirloom you'll want to pass down," which sounds very French to me.
Deeply Satisfying Poo In Progress Bathroom Warning Sign
People think it's nasty, or at least poor manners at the dinner table, to talk about poo. Poo consistency. Poo shapes. Poo volume. And even poo feelings, which I particularly don't understand, because in every other aspect of life, we are encouraged - sometimes forced - to talk about our feelings. And this dude, for one, would be much more amenable to doing so if one of those feelings I could talk about is the deeply satisfying feeling I get whenever I am able to take a giant sh*t.
One that slides out smooth as butter, in a single push, thick and coiled like a snake, with...dudes! I should be saying all of this to my Aunt Jan, being my authentic self, and bonding with her over bathroom habits and a slice of fudge pie, not waxing poo-etic to the anonymous audience before me. But I can't. My ability to find common ground and connect with others is denied by arbitrary social graces. What a load of crap.
However, as a consolation prize, we have this Deeply Satisfying Poo In Progress Bathroom Warning Sign. It probably won't build the deep connection with family and friends discussing your turds directly would, but anyone who sees the sandwich board sitting outside the door to your throne room will certainly relate, and get some good LOLs out of it.
Tekto F3 Charlie Flipper Knife
Tekto's F3 Charlie must be a lady knife. With its voluptuous 3.8" Titanium-Coated D2 Steel blade, curvy G10 handle - outfitted in black, gray, green, or damascus - and exposed recessed liners for enhanced grip, all I can think is this is one thicc flipper.
Lady or not, the F3 Charlie was made for "high-stakes tactical operations." For you, that might include military drills, EMS activities, or spending a week camping off-grid. For me, it boils down to one thing: peeling and slicing a mango. Without, according to my wife, "mooshing it into limp pulp no one wants to eat." Here's hoping the F3 Charlie's smooth button lock mechanism for quick blade deployment and robust, yet precise, cutting capabilities can provide me some tactical assistance with that.
heat it Smartphone-Powered Bug Bite Healer
heat it calls itself, "Your solution for annoying insect bites," and if this battery-free, chemical-free, infinite-use smartphone gadget really works, my mini torch and Glow Rhino Pry Bar better make room on the keychain. The bug bite healer is moving in.
Available as an iPhone or Android attachment, the heat it eases the itching and pain of bites by heating affected skin areas to 124 degrees F for a few seconds. This process is called local hyperthermia, wherein nerves in the skin react to the heat impulse by reducing the transmission of stimuli - in this case, the itching signal. heat it says the method has been medically proven, and their bug bite healer is a certified medical product, with clinical evaluations done at the Charite Hospital in Berlin.
The Hammer Fist is a grip tool with three steel strike plates, all positioned at different angles for driving in a nail, and all with surface areas small enough to indicate to me that whenever your hand is beating like a hammer, your heart will be too. Because how many pounds until you end up just off enough that it's your un-Hammer-fisted flesh hitting the hardware instead?
And even if you manage to hit metal-to-metal every time, without missing once, won't there be some increasingly uncomfortable reverberation traveling from your strike point up into your bones with your hand so ergonomically integrated into the hammering process?
Hammer Fist creator Timothy Scott Stuart built his design around the olden days practice of hammering objects with a rock. Its name comes from the Hammer Fist Strike used in martial arts. In addition to hammering, the Hammer Fist has several other functions that make it, despite my ragging, a pretty cool multi-tool.
This Clothespin Bench, handmade by Matheson Woodwork, has a gripping story behind it. Well, gripping might be an exaggeration, but given the clamping nature of the subject matter, I'm going with it.
Aaron Matheson had clients with a giant piece of lumber on a property they were planning to build on. They wanted to make a piece of furniture out of it, and were looking for something unique, and possibly inspired by the Pop Art movement. With some back-and-forth brainstorming, Matheson and the clients came up with a bench carved and accented to look like a clothespin, and the Clothespin Bench was born.
E191: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It thinks it's a baller, but I'm not sure I'd put it quite on that level; 2) You'll need some beans to make it work; 3) It will give you a taste of the Middle East.