10 "I Dare You" Gifts
Let me explain what I mean by 10 "I dare you" gifts. These are items either inherently weird / funny / gross, or that I've come up with something weird / funny / gross to do with so that you can present a gift to your recipient with a challenge. I dare you to eat this. I dare you to wear this. I dare you to place this near your genitals. You get the idea.
Just a little way to fight boredom, keep things interesting between family and friends. Roll your eyes at the concept if you like, but you know you want to check these products out. No? Go on. I dare you.
Note: "I dare you" gifts are priced as they were at printing. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.
I dare you to wear the Thorns In Glove.
Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling the glove back off also means pulling a layer or two of skin off with it.
This piece, officially and appropriately titled A Lasting Impression: Sharkskin Glove - Thorns In, is begging for a cat who can't resist a good dare. It's also recommended for philosophically-charged art and oddity collectors, the S&M crowd, and individuals whose intelligence is inversely proportional to their bank accounts.
I dare you to play the One Hour of Farting CD on your next second date.
I specify second, not first, because a first date would simply leave immediately, and chalk it up to another bad experience with the internet. But a second date has already had a good time with you once, and decided you are worthy of hanging out again. So a CD containing nothing but 60 solid minutes of farting is more likely to generate an initial period of confusion and disillusionment, followed by an extended period of awkwardness while you explain why you own and are playing One Hour of Farting.
And of course, coming up with a reason your date is hearing this type of...explosive...CD in your car or house that is good enough to convince him or her to remain in your car or house should also be part of the dare.
I dare you to take the Friendship Test.
The key word here being you. The other half of the Friendship Test Pin Set will be sitting in the valet by my front door.
For those as up for a dare as their "I dare you" gift recipients, this pair of a pair of hairy testicles is handmade to be worn by you and your bromance better half to prove the bond between you is stronger than steel. Stronger than balls of steel. Stronger than the humiliation of walking around wearing balls of steel.
Oh nuts, it's the ultimate Friendship Test.
I dare you to eat a Black Forest Scorpion.
A delicacy in northeast Thailand and other regions of southeast Asia, the Asian Forest Scorpion is a creepy crawler common to the area, but one of the few scorpion species known to be edible. Those distributor ecoEats seals up for consumption are sourced from farms that breed the little buggers exclusively as tasty human snacks (i.e., dares on drunken nights and during halftime of the Super Bowl and March Madness games.)
I dare you to use the Nosefrida the Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator.
...on your friend Cornelius. Or whatever the name your equivalent friend is. You know, your BFF. The dude or lady you know really, really well, and would do absolutely anything for, but...absolutely anything wouldn't normally include sucking the snot out of their nose.
Nosefrida the Snotsucker is made for parents to use on their stuffed-up infants who are struggling to breathe, miserable, and too wee to understand how to blow. It's a beautiful example of how the love a parent has for their child knows no bodily fluid boundaries.
It's also an example of why this is a great dare for any adult who must inhale those fluids from the body of another adult, and particularly one who doesn't call them Mama or Pop.
I dare you to set out Natural Harvest before your next dinner party.
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes is...exactly what it says it is. A book full, like, blue balls full, of recipes with human semen on their ingredient list. Actually, maybe I'm wrong about that. I don't think author Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer's con-cock-tions specify that the semen has to be human. That could be a fun fact the person executing this dare throws in when the first of their dinner guests notices the book and starts flipping through it.
And when the Tiramisu is served for dessert, don't forget to refer everyone to Natural Harvest page 54.
I dare you to swim in the Cage of Death at Crocosaurus Cove.
I ain't 'fraid of no crocs. ... As long as they're in Australia and I'm here, clear across the world from them, chillin' in my landlocked suburban utopia.
From behind the walls of an impenetrable fiberglass cage, the Cage of Death delivers the daring pure shots of adrenaline to the heart. Typically without cardiac repercussions or actual death. The cage's cylindrical design allows for 360-degree reptile interaction, and Crocosaurus has even introduced a Cage Croc Feed, wherein the crocodile is fed something other than its homosapien spectators during each Cage of Death dive.
I dare you to slip on a balldo.
Normally if we're talking dildos and dares, the dare-ee would be on the receiving end. But with balldo, nay. The dare lies in being the giver. Because the giver is the one who has to put the balldo on, who has to wear the balldo. And the balldo, you see, is a ball-dildo. A dildo you wear on your balls.
I just don't see how that can go well.
I dare you to take the Fuego Box Choco Challenge 2.0.
No dare gift compilation would be complete without a hot chili challenge. Fuego Box refers to their Choco Challenge 2.0, a follow-up to their Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge of 2019, as White Lightning. This time, it's white chocolate enrobing the hot death of a 12-pepper blend from Smokin' Ed Currie's secret garden.
I dare you to use the PLUCK...in your manscaping region.
Using the PLUCK nose hair and ear hair remover on one's nose or ear hair is probably a worthy dare unto itself. According to PLUCK, "PLUCK is a new kind of nose and ear hair remover. It is the best of both worlds." The best of both worlds, huh? Any chance those worlds are the Acathla and Wolfram & Hart hell dimensions from the Buffyverse? Because PLUCK looks more like SEIZE & TEAR WITH A SIDE OF BLOODSHED to me.
And down there, right next to the most precious and fragile twig and berries, well. There better be a handsome prize for any recipient of this gift who goes for it when you say, "I dare you."