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Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper

By: on November 24, 2012
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It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing baby. And true fiends can buy one in each of the onesie's 4 available sizes (0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, and 18-24 months) for a full year of philosophical discussions about whether babies would technically be Level 1, or more appropriately termed Level 0. I would also like to call into question the "Human" nomenclature, as all evidence I've seen and exposure I've had to babies makes me doubt they are actually human until they reach an age that they no longer spontaneously shoot unsavory projectiles out of all functioning orifices.

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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Working Pip-Boy 3000

The electronic Personal Information Processor (PIP) manufactured by RobCo Industries in Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas is now a viable acquisition to your non-gaming, non-digitized, biological life. Which is not only...

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Mattel Classic Football Game Keychain

$11.99 from Perpetual Kid »

Mattel's handheld Classic Football gets sized for even smaller hands in this mini version of the iconic 70s game. Calling it a "keychain" is a bit of a stretch - unless you like stuffing keychains the size of Little Debbie...

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The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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Nintendo Switch Joy-Con Classic Controllers

$199 from ColorWare »

ColorWare's Nintendo Switch Joy-Con Classic Controllers are pretty fly for a game guy. And also pretty pricey for a paint job. I don't care how precise and professional the controllers look, or how hard their red retro...

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Star Wars Adult Onesies

$64.45 from Amazon »

Star Wars onesies for adults are what's called being comfortably chic on Halloween, and F'ing awesome the other 364 days of the year. Boba Fett, R2-D2, a stormtrooper, and the grandaddy of being the worst daddy of all...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Pip-Boy: Deluxe Bluetooth Edition

$349.99 from ThinkGeek »

Die-hard Fallout fans, avid gamers, and gadget-giddy dudes in general, I present to you: a working Pip-Boy Model 3000 Mk IV replica. Also known as: your Sunday morning hard-on. Sure, you could call ThinkGeek's Deluxe...

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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TinyScreen Video Game Kit

$74.95 from Tiny Circuits »

The Tiny Arcade goes handheld. Tiny Circuits' TinyScreen Video Game Kit gives DIY gamers the chance to build their own miniature console. At the heart of the kit is the TinyDuino processor board, an Arduino Uno board...

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Atari Flashback Portable

$49.50 from Amazon »

The Atari Flashback portable console is indeed here to console. The handheld 2600 will give a there, there pat on the back to everyone who didn't get an NES Classic before Nintendo announced they're discontinuing them...