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Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper

By: on November 24, 2012
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It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing baby. And true fiends can buy one in each of the onesie's 4 available sizes (0-6 months, 6-12 months, 12-18 months, and 18-24 months) for a full year of philosophical discussions about whether babies would technically be Level 1, or more appropriately termed Level 0. I would also like to call into question the "Human" nomenclature, as all evidence I've seen and exposure I've had to babies makes me doubt they are actually human until they reach an age that they no longer spontaneously shoot unsavory projectiles out of all functioning orifices.

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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Working Pip-Boy 3000

The electronic Personal Information Processor (PIP) manufactured by RobCo Industries in Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas is now a viable acquisition to your non-gaming, non-digitized, biological life. Which is not only...

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Shed Defender Dog Onesie

$39.99 - $61.99 from Amazon »

Will zipping your dog into a Shed Defender make him look like a canine fool? Sure. But no more so than putting him in pet samurai armor or an AT-AT costume for your personal viewing pleasure. And while the latter have...

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Watch Your Junk - Advice for Expectant Fathers

$9.99 from Amazon »

The best part about Watch Your Junk and Other Advice for Expectant Fathers isn't that the irreverent guide to dadhood is as fun of a read as it is informative. It's not that it covers topics other baby books ignore, or...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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Star Wars Adult Onesies

$64.45 from Amazon »

Star Wars onesies for adults are what's called being comfortably chic on Halloween, and F'ing awesome the other 364 days of the year. Boba Fett, R2-D2, a stormtrooper, and the grandaddy of being the worst daddy of all...

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THEC64 Mini

$69.99 from The C64 »

THEC64 Mini puts tech-nostalgia in the palm of your hand. Who was around when the Commodore 64 launched in 1982? Playing some Lode Runner after school with some Shark Bite fruit snacks and a Capri Sun? Ahhh, gone are...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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ASUS RT-AC86U Ultrafast Gaming Router

$199.99 from Amazon »

I'm home alone. Eating some guac and Juanita's, playing some War Thunder. And I feel the need. The need for speed. The ASUS RT-AC86U gaming router will not make me a better fighter pilot.

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...