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Caffeinated Toothpaste

By: on September 16, 2016

Drinking coffee while brushing your teeth? Now that's some counterintuitive, foul-tasting multi-tasking. Unless. Unless! You can get the caffeine in your coffee directly from your toothpaste. The taste of minty freshness, caffeinated. The effect of clean 'n' sparkly whites spiked with a side of wake the F up. Power Toothpaste says it's here to give you "a rush while you brush."

Power Toothpaste has been injected with caffeine, which will apparently absorb through your gums into your bloodstream as you suds up your mouth with it. The initial jolt of alertness should take no more than 10 seconds to hit, and a single brush will deliver the caffeine equivalent of 1 cup of coffee.

Each Power Toothpaste tube contains a 90-day supply or, if you want to break it down to Starbucks terms, $260 worth of caffeinated beverages.

If you crave the flavor and ritual of your morning coffee, or coffee consumption in general, you'll probably consider Power Toothpaste a big tube of malarkey. But if you don't like the taste of coffee and other energy drinks, or don't like the breath and tooth stains they give you, or you're stuck wearing Invisalign for the next 18 months like my friend Cornelius, brushing on your caffeine as part of the oral hygiene routine you already have in place sounds like a pretty alright alternative.

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