Hell yes I could use some good luck. And the Insta-kind that requires no patience or input on my part would certainly be preferable. But my question is: do these four-leaf clovers that purportedly reverse misfortune, upsets, setbacks, tough breaks, and raw deals instantaneously come with a money-back guarantee? Because due to my incredibly innocent and trusting nature I believe people when they tell me things and that has not always worked out so well for me.
"Yeah, we should definitely hang out."
"You don't have to pay, they never even check these meters."
"Just sprinkle this powder on your oatmeal every morning for a week and the effects of male pattern baldness will be reversed entirely."
So if I buy an Insta-Luck four-leaf clover in a bottle and do not experience instant good luck--no, I'm a fair man, I'll give it an entire day to kick in--I want my damn money back.
Glass Insta-Luck vessels each house an authentic, specially preserved four-leaf clover "farmed directly from fertile soils in the USA." What?! They're not even from Ireland? They better at least have a proprietary blend of imported leprechaun dung and Lucky Charms marshmallows in their fertilizer.
Insta-Luck creator A Sparkly Pony says that the odds of finding a four-leaf clover yourself are 1 in 10,000. Now that I have no doubt is the truth.